Saturday, December 29, 2012

Christmas at Daddy's

My kids are on an airplane as I write this, heading to MN to spend Christmas with their dad. As with every other time they've left for Minnesota, I have a mix of emotions going through me. Part of me welcomes the break, but the majority of me hates that my kids are gone! The past few years Aaron has spent Christmas in Indiana or has just sent a package of presents for the kids, but with the new visitation schedule that the two of us agreed upon, we decided that the kids should spend half of their Christmas break with Daddy. It breaks my heart to send my kids off, but I know that it swells Aaron's heart to be able to see his kids during the holidays!

Aaron and I have really struggled to get along over the past few years. It seems that everytime we get something ironed out, some other situation comes up that takes us back to square one. I've been telling myself over and over that I can't control Aaron or what he does, but I can control my own actions and the way that I react to Aaron's choices. I have to remind myself over and over (and over and over and over) that Aaron is not ME. He's not going to do things exactly like I do them. He's not going to feed the kids at exactly the time I would. He's not going to drive exactly like I do (although he really should!). And most importantly, he's not going to call them everyday just because I think he should, or just because I would. Moms aren't dads. Dads aren't moms. And most importantly, no two people are the same. It's hard for me to "accept" that Aaron isn't going to do things exactly like I would do them, but I am learning that this is something that I absolutely have to deal with and learn to accept.

Lilly was over-the-moon excited to leave this morning, and for me, that's enough. As long as my kids are happy, healthy, and safe I am happy to send them to MN for little getaways! (Remind me of this in 24 hours when I miss my kids to death and am moping around!)

Monday, December 24, 2012

Christmas Card

This is the first time in six years that I didn't send out Christmas cards. I almost feel like I need to send out cards apologizing for not sending out cards! I know a lot of Aaron's Iowa relatives look forward to seeing the pictures of the kids, since they don't get to see them very often, but time just got away from me this year and I totally forgot to order any. Oh well. Last year was the first time that I included my blog address on our Christmas cards, and I'm so glad that I did! Not only did it provide Aaron's family a way to keep up with the kids' happenings, but also some of my out-of-state family too. In sticking with a true "Christmas card post" I figured this would be the perfect way to catch everyone up on what's going on in the Hahn household!

Lilly is in first grade and doing really well! She has an awesome teacher who seems to really "get" Lilly and her special talents and interests. She is in her second year of ballet and seems to really love it! She's quite the little reader and writer these days! I'm so proud of her! It's incredible to see how much she has changed in the past year. It absolutely blows my mind to think that my little baby girl will turn seven next spring! She loves to be "girly" and adores her little brother (most of the time!)!

Anderson is halfway through Junior Kindergarten. He's still a tiny little thing, but making strides at becoming "all boy!" He writes his (very long) name, knows about ten "sight words" and is still very much into tennis! He took tennis lessons this summer, but due to scheduling conflicts won't start back up until the first of the year, once he's five! YES, my baby turns FIVE in just a few short days! He's a stubborn little fella (like his daddy!?!)  but I can see his personality developing more and more every single day. Crazy to think he'll be in kindergarten in the fall! I look forward to Anderson and Lilly being at the same school soon! Anderson is so outgoing and I love his spirit. I see amazing things for Anderson's future! 

2012 has been a long, but motivating year for us! I am so grateful for healthy, happy, and beautiful children!! I look forward, very much, to a new year and I have NO DOUBT that 2013 is going to be an incredible year for us!  

MERRY CHRISTMAS! 


Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The Dinner

So what started as an innocent dinner with old friends would be the dinner that truly changed my world. You can call that dramatic as you want, but oh...my...goodness! The three girls I went to dinner with that night were all talking about the dating world...at that time I was casually seeing someone so when a friend mentioned that someone from our hometown had asked about me, I kinda blew it off. But later that night I got to thinking about it. After very little convincing from my cousin, I sent this fella a message on Facebook. He was overseas at the time and so his responses came sporadically, but over the next few weeks we emailed back and forth and made plans to meet up once he got back. Honestly at that time I never really thought I'd actually meet up with him (sorry babe!). But then....on Thanksgiving day I got a message from his sister that he had been involved in a little accident and that he was in the ER. WWWHAT?! Two things...the fact that his sister thought to email me and let me know what was going on with him absolutely meant the WORLD to me. It showed me that he had been talking to her about me. She knew who I was. And she thought enough of me, based on what he had told her, to think that I'd want to know. OOOH I absolutely love her for emailing me! The second thing about finding this out was that I was truly bothered by the fact he was hurt. I can't even describe the feelings that came over me when I heard that he was hurt. It crushed me a little...probably more than it should have for someone I knew so little about. But for whatever reason, I just wanted to hear his voice and know that he was okay (yes, this was someone I had only been talking to for a month, via email!). The best thing that came out of this whole accident was that he was holed up inside for the rest of his vacation and was "stuck" talking to me! haha! We texted each other the entire weekend and had some pretty intense conversations. I could tell, even then, that we were headed toward something pretty awesome!
We've spent a lot of time together over the past month, and writing about how incredible it's been wouldn't give it the credit it deserves. I can honestly say that I've spent YEARS with people in the past and I've never had the conversations that he and I have had in just four weeks. I could write for twenty-four hours straight about all the things I like about him and it still wouldn't be enough time. He is a Godly man. He has a giant heart. He truly cares about people. He wants the best out of life. He commits 100% to everything he does. And most importantly, he's become one of my most favorite people to spend time with, and I can't wait to see what happens in the future.
"So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22

Monday, December 17, 2012

Naked

I mentioned in a recent post about how vulnerable I felt after witnessing a horrible fire and how scared I was that I wouldn't be "enough" to keep my kids safe. I have thought about this many more times over the past week and I've come to the conclusion that this incident has changed me. Something in my heart has been changed.
With the most recent events in Newtown, CT it has once again been on the forefront of my mind. The truth is, I'm not enough. While I trust that I was chosen by God to be Lilly and Anderson's mom, He is still their Father. He's still the one in control of our fate. He is still the one we should be looking to for guidance and love and understanding. He's the one who holds us and protects us. I can't do this on my own- I'm not meant to do it on my own.
With this realization comes a freedom, a nakedness. I feel like I can only do so much before things are out of my hands. I feel like the best thing I can do is pray for protection. Pray for forgiveness. Pray for love. Pray for freedom from worry. God loves us. He wants the best for us. He has promised this to us over and over. Psalm 56:3 says "When I am afraid, I put my trust in You"  We are called to put our faith in Christ. We are meant to lean on Him and not on our own understandings. We aren't meant to go through life alone. We are meant to do life with other people- with people who will be there for us and pray over us. We are meant to do life with people who will hold us up when we're scared, people who will fill that gap when we're failing, people who will protect us and hold us and watch over us. What a freeing realization, no?

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Mommy Perks

Being a mom is so rewarding and all that other good stuff...but let's be honest, there are some definite benefits when it comes to having kids (other than the obvious ones, der). I present you with....

Mommy Perks
  1. Pre-boarding on most airlines
  2. Someone to do the chores that you don't want to do (I call it teaching responsibility, you call it what you want!)
  3. Excuse to get out of nearly ANY event you want to miss ("Kids are sick, sorrry I have to miss your baby shower!")
  4. Reason to watch Disney shows, kid movies, and listen to teeny-bopper music (Bieber fever anyone?)
  5. Someone to get you the remote when it's four feet away from you
  6. Excuse to go to bed extremely early, even on a weekend
  7. Extra arms to carry groceries
  8. Assigning additional chores as punishment (see #2)
  9. Being able to make your child cuddle with you when you're cold (or sad)
  10. Having a miniature (better) version of yourself

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Am I Enough?

As a parent I think we all have our insecurities, but last night something hit me harder than ever before. For those of you who are friends with me on FB you know that there was a house fire near my house last night. To say that it was scary would be the understatement of the universe. Not only had I never seen a house fire, but the flames and the noises that were coming from the fire were like nothing I've ever witnessed before. It was insane. My legs instantly started shaking, my hands were sweating. I panicked. I don't know why this made such an impact on me, but it did. I called my mom at 11:30 (something NO parent wants to wake up to). I just couldn't believe what I was seeing and I had to know that I wasn't alone. I needed my mom, y'all!
Once things calmed down a little bit and I was able to peal myself away from the window, I sat down on my bed and just started thinking about every possible scenario. I ran through our fire escape route and our meeting place that Lilly had designated just a few months earlier (the Moon family's fence!). I went over what I'd do if a tornado was coming. I thought about what I would do if someone tried to break in. I ran through what our plan would be for every possible scenario that I could think of...and still, at the end of it, I wondered if I would ever really be prepared for these types of things. All I wondered was "what if I'm not enough?" What if I wasn't able to get both of my kids out of the house? What if I couldn't protect them? What if I messed up? What. If. I. Failed.
Someone wise told me that I should never again question if I'm enough. He encouraged me to never again say things like "I might not be enough." And even though I told him that that's how I felt he assured me that our feelings aren't everything. Ummm rude. I get it though. I get that I was created to be just as I am. I get that I'm enough, right now. And I get that I was created to be THE mom to Lilly and Anderson. And trust me folks, I'm grateful. Soo grateful. I just want to be sure that I am enough. I just want to be sure that I can protect them. That's scary stuff. I've always known that I was the sole provider and protector of those kids, but seeing that fire last night just lit (no pun intended) something in my soul. It hit me so hard that it's JUST me and those kids. It's all on me. So. Scary.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Asking The Tough Questions

Lately I've become an "asker"...in that I'll ask ANYTHING. I've noticed that for a lot of my adult life I've held myself back because I was afraid to ask. This probably comes as a shock to those who know me well and know me to be pretty vocal...about. everything. But when things are really confusing to me, or when things just don't seem to have a clear answer, I think I've either assumed an answer (which we know what happens then) or I've just not asked. I feel so confident in myself lately that I don't feel afraid to ask the tough questions. I'm not afraid of the answers anymore. Maybe because I know, no matter what the answer, I'll be alright. Or maybe this is part of growing up-- that you want to seek out answers to life's questions. Whatever the reason, I like asking the questions.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Ah-may-zing!



We sang this today at church and, although I've heard it a hundred times before, it really moved me today. Rumor has it I have some prayer warriors out there. Let me just say that I feel it and I am loving it. I never want to lose this feeling...

Sticking With Me...

I was driving home yesterday and it hit me like a ton of bricks...I've been a difficult friend this year. I've put myself before most of my friendships. I got so wrapped up in the turmoil of my relationship with JM that I failed to look at everything that I had right in front of me- the relationships that had been there through thick and thin. I doubted everything and everyone. It's embarrassing to look back at the past year and realize the mistakes that I made, the relationships that I've hurt. All I can say now is thank you to those who have stuck with me. I am insanely lucky to have the cheerleaders that I do in my life.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

I Want That

Have you ever been around someone who just really challenges you...like challenges you to be a better person? And somehow, it seems unintentional  on their part. You see the way this person lives and just is and you long for that for yourself. I'm not talking about someone having things that you don't have, it's not about money or material things at all. It's truly a way of life-- the way they live. You look at them and you see what a GOOD person they are and you just wonder HOW they do it. And when you hear their story you think, "that's not too far off from what I've been through..so why am I not like that?" And the answer is simple. It's a choice. A choice to just do the right thing.

I think we all have our own version of "right" and we all have our own measure of "goodness"... but what if we all lived for the same standards? What if we all chose to live God's version of "right" and lived to seek His measure of "goodness"? I wonder what that would look like? 

Thursday, November 29, 2012

The Most Wonderful Time...

There's something to be said about perfect weekends with family. Although we usually do Thanksgiving at my brothers' place in Chicago, this year they were in Hawaii for the holiday, so my mom hosted. My favorite uncle (hi uncle phil!) and his family came from Michigan, my cousins came from Bloomington, and then of course my grandpa was there! It was just the right amount of "crazy" to make it a perfect Thanksgiving celebration! It was so fun to see all the kids interacting! They all got along so well! (my kids even learned to climb trees, eeeek!) After everyone left, we let the kids get their jammies on and decorate my mom's tree! They had so much fun!
Uncle Phil helping Anderson hang ornaments up high!

Lilly's turn! Climbing the ladder is fun! Jumping off is even more fun!

The cutest little girls ever! Gracie and Lills!

And what holiday would be complete without a silly face picture?!

Monday, November 26, 2012

It's Okay!!!

It's Okay...

to wear chipped nail polish
to watch four movies in one day and keep jammies on all day
to cry during church whenever anyone mentions the lead pastor who passed away
to secretly wonder if karma is real and hate yourself for hoping so
to cry the whole way to mom's on thanksgiving day because you miss how things were last year
to be dreading Christmas shopping
to let your kids drink soda...out of 20 oz bottles- sometimes
to be more excited about an IU game than a Colts or Packers game put together
to always be looking for ways to grow
to FEEL 30 and love it
to cuddle with a handsome 4 year old because he lets you
to hate when people let a business landline ring more than once
to send the "Good Morning" song to every one of your friends with kids
to cry when you listen to The Lorax soundtrack...Let it grow!
to want more

Saturday, November 24, 2012

It's Time

Sometimes you have to have an honest conversation with yourself. As easy as it is to just go through the motions of life, to just go on doing the common thing, sometimes you find yourself realizing that you just deserve more than that. And even more, you get to a point where you start to feel terrible about who you're becoming by doing what you know is wrong- or what you know you don't want.
I've spent the past four months in a "relationship" that I knew was wrong from the second date. Although he's a great guy, I knew early on that he was not "the" great guy for me. He knew it about me too. But we went on with things because it was fun and fairly easy. We had just the right amount of dysfunction to keep things interesting. Anyway, I woke up the other morning realizing that I really hated who I was becoming in this relationship. And although he didn't make me who I was becoming, there was just something about the two of us together that made me feel horrible about myself. All my insecurities that were leftover from the failed relationship with JM were lingering into this relationship and I was constantly adapting to the "get him before he gets me" attitude.
I think this realization is all part of growing up and being able to acknowledge that sometimes we have to take a personal inventory. It's hard to look at things about myself and know that these traits are there because I am letting them be there. It's easy to point out things I don't like in other people, but when I think about why I'm "letting" these people in my life, or why I'm letting them stay in my life...that's all on me. I think I'm getting to a point that I question what positive things people bring to my life? And if we can't mutually bring good to each other's life, what's the point?
I'm just ready to be that positive light in someone's life and to have that from whomever I choose to spend my time with. I am so tired of worrying about what someone "might" be up to or what someone's intentions "might" be. It's time to just be the best version of ME that I can possibly be.



Saturday, November 17, 2012

The Ultimate Break

I went on the absolute most relaxing vacation of my whole life and have been on complete "shut off" mode ever since. Joe and I had first talked about going on a little weekend getaway a couple months ago and when someone suggested Tennessee we thought it would serve as the perfect location for the "break from reality" that we were looking for! I found the exact cabin that I wanted, Joe booked it, and a couple months later we were driving to Pigeon Forge, TN for our first vacation together!

The drive there (9 hours?) was actually a lot of fun! Something about Joe's horrific sweet sweet singing was calming, and thanks to Sophie B Hawkins' soothing tunes, I was able to squeeze in a nap through the hills of Kentucky! After an hour of tourist traffic, we arrived to our cabin and locked ourselves in for the night. Pizza, wine, and jammies were the PERFECT way to start off our four day vacay!

I'll spare you with the details of each day of the trip, except to say that it was truly the most relaxing trip I've ever taken. If it's possible to completely clear your mind, I think I accomplished that on this trip. Joe left for a couple hours one afternoon to give me some alone time. It was honestly like an out-of-body experience! I'm not sure if I've felt that peaceful anytime in the past six years of my life. I sat there overlooking the gorgeous colors of the TN scenery and couldn't help but just smile at how happy I was at that moment.






Thursday, November 1, 2012

"Heeeeeeeeey November 1st!"

Wow, I CANNOT believe we're almost completely through this year. Holy hell it's November! As much as I'd like a redo of this year, I have to say that I'm pleased with where I am right this second (curled up on the couch, under my IU blanket, drinking an ole' domestic beer, and watching the CMA's).
My cousin and I had a long talk, not long ago, about striving to take things day by day. It seems so simple, but it's truly one of the hardest things to do. As a mom we focus so much on planning things out, having routines, and being prepared for EVERYTHING. But...as a person (not JUST a mom) there are certain things in life we just cannot plan for. People come into our life that we hadn't ever expected to. People leave that we never wanted to. Things change that we hadn't planned on. While most people, okay any normal person probably, could just adapt to those things, some of us (me) have trouble dealing with changes.

With the start of the new month I challenge myself (and you, if you need it) to truly try to take things day by day. The biggest thing I'm trying to live is "let it be, until it's not." So often we plan for things that "might" happen rather than living in the moment of what really is. I'm so tired of sabotaging myself because I'm afraid of all the "what if's" in life. Here's to a new month, a new motto (let it be, until it's not), and just taking things day by day.

Good luck friends!

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Crazy Mom Alert

The idea of packing up my kids, quitting my job, and leaving the country may or may not have crossed my mind last night. Lilly was invited to a Halloween party and, although she had been invited places in the past from other friends, this was the first time I actually considered letting her go. Sure she's had sleepovers with my cousin, my mom, and my brothers (and of course spends a week away from me when she goes to her dad's), but...this was different. Yes, I LOST MY CRAP but it was only because I'm not ready for her to go somewhere without me. I kept telling Aaron that she's just a baby. He kept telling me to think logically. I assured him I WAS thinking logically- this was our only daughter, our first born, our precious little angel baby. What more was there to think about? The thought of her riding in someone else's car freaked me out. The thought of her being at a dark Halloween party without me freaked me out. The thought of someone else not watching her and paying attention to her and knowing her mood like me freaked me out. (Writing that I realize that perhaps I should focus more of my attention on the fact that every little thing freaks me out!) Let me say that we haven't met this family, sure she's a guidance counselor at the elementary school...and yes they live in the addition across the street from us, but still....! This was the first time my teeny tiny little baby girl was going to be going somewhere with a friend, who wasn't related to us.

After a few emails between Ava's mom and I, I feel better about it all, but still I'm having a tough time wrapping my mind around the fact that Lilly is growing up. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I just feel like before we know it she'll be having sleepovers, then going to football games, and driving, and going off to college, and....whoa!!! Overload.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

"Something God Intended"

Here are things I think God intended

mornings without meltdowns
FaceTime nights with Daddy
handwritten notes from my little girl
incredibly strong moms to be role models
strong coffee
open-minded people who can accept others for who and what they truly are
freedom to love who we choose
cousins who are always near
heart-shaped jelly sandwiches
dinnertime with "highs and lows"
toddler prayers
daughters who mimic their mommy
relationships where you have each other's back
work families
Fall vacations
the strength to be patient
the believe in trusting that things will happen at the "right" time
singing 6 year olds
out-of-state friendships that never fade
love songs that make you believe



Wearing giant sunglasses is toooo fun!







Take that, Mourdock.


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Worst Pulaski Days Ever?

Who wants a hodgepodge post today? This girl!

Damn it all if T.Swift hasn't outdone herself again! Her new album "Red" is in-credible! Yeah yeah yeah, grow up Hahn! Whatever! (at least I'm not going as the 5th TMNT for Halloween) Something about her angry little heartfelt songs just makes me wanna fall in love and break up! Errrrrr well maybe I don't want the break up (although how beneficial to the artistic side of people, no?!) but that whole feeling of just being so overwhelmingly into someone! Ah! There's nothing better! Dang it Taylor! Not to mention, seeing my little six year old belt out "we are never getting back together" just makes for the best entertainment EVER!

I miss my friend Rachael. I haven't hung out with her in YEARS and she now has an almost-one-year old daughter whom I've never met. I think a girls' night is in the works soon.

The thought of Christmas being only 9 weeks away makes me wanna hurl a little. I LOVE me some Christmas, but I'm not prepared this year. And it will be only the second Christmas that it's been just me and the kids. Also, JM and I bought a lot of stuff last year for the outside of the house (lights and such) and just knowing I don't have anyone to hang that stuff this year kinda stinks. Not to mention, JM put ALL our Christmas stuff in the attic last year and we all KNOW how much I HAAATE going to the attic for stuff. Can this be another reason we all dislike JM? Jump on board folks. Also, the kids will be in MN for a whole week after Christmas this year (first time ever). I will probably want to die after a day or two.

You know that feeling when you know you're just kicking life's butt? I kinda feel like that lately. My work life is going extremely well. My co-worker and I are KILLING it! To say we're doing great work would be the understatement of the century. TOOOT TOOOT! My kids have been doing really well at school and at home. My personal life is decent. And just overall I feel content (in that good healthy way, not in that settling way).

Sometimes I get a good chuckle out of people's Facebook posts. I wish I could delete them, but these people are just too. darn. funny. I can't turn away! (Rachel B. thank you for your message last night. What is WITH those two?! Misery loves company!)

I failed at daily blogging, but considering how insane this month has been for me, both professionally and personally, I think a good ole' pat on the back is still deserved (pat pat!).


Silly faces are so much fun!






Monday, October 22, 2012

I hope...

As an adult you would like to think that most of the childish drama from your past is behind you, but sometimes things creep back in and try to maneuver their way under your grown up, thicker skin. I think the difference lies in how we react as an adult versus the way we did ten or twelve years ago. I noticed today that when someone is being blatantly disrespectful to me, I have two ways of responding to it. I can give in to it, becoming a child myself. Or I can figure out what this person is missing in their own life to make them want to act this way. While I don't intend to 'save' this person, I can pray for them and hope that they get the peace of mind that they deserve. I find it extremely hard to believe that someone would just be mean or hurtful for no reason at all, or that a piece of high school drama has hung around for all these years. Something must be missing in this person's life to make her want to act this way. I'm not judging anyone, because that's not my job. I just know that I have to rise above things. I have to see things from a different set of eyes before jumping to conclusions. 

On a lighter note, how gorgeous is this weather? Here's my blogging arena this morning. And a little Eric Hutchinson never hurt the mood either! This is exactly how fall weather should be! I'm excited to kick off this week!
Nevermind the wilting pumpkin! We carved early!  


Adding some hodgepodge to this post....

Here is a list of my hopes for the week. 

I hope...

that I can be a positive force in any negative environment. 
that I can think before I react. 
that my words will be kind. 
that my thoughts will be pleasant. 
that my friends find comfort in their thoughts and actions. 
that my language will be clean. 
that I can empathize with those hurting. 
that my kids will feel unending love. 
that I will be an example for other people. 
that my confidence will be strong. 
that my insecurities continue to deplete. 
that no matter the outcome of situations, I will remain upbeat. 
that I don't lose sight of who I really am, but continue to be open to seeing things in a new light. 



Sunday, October 21, 2012

Daddy Disappointment

I'm struggling majorly right now. I want to scream. Or cry. Or scream and cry. And maybe even kick. Or stomp my foot. I'm just mad. Really mad. The kids' dad is in Iowa right now for a funeral. He's a little less than halfway here, and while I understand that it's still a six hour drive, I don't understand how he can NOT want to come see the kids. He knows the bind that I'm in with a sitter, and he knows the cost of getting a sitter to keep the kids for a few hours. He doesn't work for the next three days and has ZERO reason to NOT come here to see them. I understand that it comes at a cost (literally) to him, but he hasn't seen the kids since the beginning of August, and I just don't see how any parent can go that long without seeing his kids.

I admit that a little part of the reason I'm so upset with Aaron is because my own dad did the same thing to me and my sister this weekend. Since he moved to MI earlier this summer, we haven't seen him once. And although mostly I could care less, there's still part of me that tries to stay in touch with my dad simply because he's family. I wrote before about my relationship with him, and I truthfully feel the same way about things, but I guess as someone's child, I still feel that sickening disappointment when a parent rejects you. It truly broke my heart to know that my little sister was sitting at home, waiting on his call to take her to lunch yesterday. Sadly, because I've lived that disappointment from my dad before, I knew he wasn't going to show up. And even worse, I knew he'd have an excuse ("she told me that she didn't want to go." Well she changed her dang mind! GO GET HER!).

I'm so extremely tired of this type of disappointment. I'm exhausted with trying to extend the olive branch only to have it snap back in my face later. I feel the same way with Aaron. I know better than to allow my hope in him grow. I know that he's going to disappoint me and the kids. And while I know Aaron owes me nothing, he does owe the kids tremendously. They are changing drastically from week to week. He's missing out on so much..and I know I shouldn't care because I'm here to see it, but I can't help but feel sad for the kids.

I feel guilty for putting them in a family like this. I feel guilty for bringing them into an environment where there are going to be a lot of hard times. I feel bad that there are things they'll have to miss out on because we simply can't afford it, don't have the time for it, or where it just doesn't fit into our schedules. I'm sad because I feel like if their dad was closer and more involved, they'd get to do everything they want.

And more than anything, I fear that they'll grow up wondering if their dad loves them as much as their mom does. I worry that they'll have a void in their life that they'll try to compensate with other things. It scares me that they'll resent me for things that I did wrong in my relationship with their dad. It worries me that if I stop trying that Aaron will go away altogether. I know that type of disappointment, and I just don't want it for my kids. They deserve more than that- just like I know me and my siblings did too. I don't know what is wrong with me that I met someone just like my dad, but I pray to God that Lilly finds a good man one day. I hope that she never has to experience this type of pain and guilt. And I pray that my son never turns out to be this type of father. I hope he's an honorable man, no matter the circumstance. I hope my kids know that they're loved and that even without a full-time dad (or grandpa), they have so many people who love them and adore them. They have so many people in their life who will always be there for them, support them, and care about them. I will spend every single day of my life making sure my kids know they are loved and I will make every effort to make sure they don't feel that void.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Ready?


Something about living in Indiana just makes this time of year extra special! GO HOOSIERS! 

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

First Grade Queen

There's nothing more annoying than a Mom posting all her kids' bizznizz on Facebook, but posting it on her blog, TOTALLY acceptable! So today I had the first parent-teacher conference for Lills as a first grader! I was a little nervous, only because Lilly doesn't talk much about school this year, which is COMPLETELY different than last year when she wouldn't SHUT.UP about school! Also, last year I got many "updates" from her teacher, telling me how social my little lady was! LOL! So, today Lilly's teacher informed me that not only is Lilly reading two grade levels above her, but she's also "probably the strongest writer in her class"!!!!!!! I read some of Lilly's daily journal and boy is that girl funny! "Firefighters are for sure the bravest ones I know!" She writes like she speaks! She tested above average in everything, and works from the highest spelling level almost everytime! Of course there were some negative things-- she talks a lot, makes bracelets out of paperclips and crayon wrappers (future designer, what what?), has trouble staying on task (because she is busy swapping jewelry with other girls in her group), and gets bored easily with math. When I told her teacher that I would see to it that Lilly kept her jewelry at home she said "oh but she's SUCH a good accessorizer!" LOL! I love that her teacher sees her personality shine through, but more than anything, I'm SO proud of Lilly's academic achievements! I love hearing her read and I LOVE to read the stories that she writes!! She's so creative and I just hope she continues to excel in school! I just love my little princess and I'm SOOOO incredibly proud of her!

Monday, October 15, 2012

For the Moment

This past summer I developed a five year plan. (If you're dying to reread it, you can find it here!) It was the first time I had ever done something like that and gooooodness it was exhausting! I think it was so exhausting because it was very intimidating! It was scary to put down in words (actions, essentially) where I was headed or hoping to go. I look back (already) and think about how bogus some of it may be. The thought of moving to another state, with just my kids, is ridiculous...right? Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about myself, my life, how I handle situations, etc... I find it interesting that anytime you go through a change, no matter how big or small, how catastrophic or minor, it makes you reevaluate certain aspects of your life (or at least it should...I think?!). It makes me want to look at how I handled the previous situation, and see how that worked out for me (helllooo Dr.Phil!). It's interesting to see if there's things I'd change or not. (Am I losing you? Stick with me!) With my most recent relationship (and I use that term loosely), I realize that I probably went a little overboard with my expectations. I mentioned in my previous post that I don't want to waste time, and I still feel that way, but at the same time, I don't want to rush things either. I feel like I get so caught up in the final outcome of things (in this case, a relationship) that I fail to just live in the moment and enjoy it for what it is. In the same regard, my five year plan is so focused on what I want to happen five years from now, that I'm failing to really LIVE my next four years and eleven months. I want to be someone who can live in the moment, yet have a focus on the future. Is that possible?.....to be continued.....

Sunday, October 14, 2012

One wasted day..

One wasted day is just that-- a waste. I think after you go through some tough times, you come out with a different approach. Aaron and I were together for many years, and were engaged for over half of our relationship. I think we both always knew deep down that we'd never get married, but we pushed through...and made each other miserable. At that point I couldn't imagine being a parent on my own, which was a huge motivation for me staying with Aaron. Fast forward many years later and here I am, on my own now for the past four-ish years and going strong (tooot toooot!).
With JM I vowed that I'd never waste one single day on someone if I knew deep down it wasn't going to work, and I asked for that in return with anyone that I dated. I remember JM telling me that as much as he didn't want this (to break up) that if it didn't happen now it would happen six months from now. As much as I loved him and hated to see it end, I had to respect his decision to not waste six months more. I think once you add kids to the mix, even if they've never met your significant other, you just don't have the time or energy to waste with someone that you know you're  not going to be with forever. Any time that I spend away from my kids better be worth it, you know? I can't justify being away from them for any length of time if it's all for nothing.
I have no doubt that my life is somewhat overwhelming and intimidating, and  I absolutely KNOW that I'm exhausting to be with!!! But I know what I want. I want the best for myself and for my kids. I know it's no guy's DREAM to be with a girl with two kids, but I'm also not pessimistic enough to think that it can't happen! Until then....


Saturday, October 13, 2012

Skip to my Lou, my darlin!


Words to my thirty year old self....

trust your gut. 
have fun. 
never settle. 
remember your priorities. 
never let someone question your priorities. 
always look forward. 
work hard. 
embrace change. 
time is precious, don't waste it. 
bad singing isn't endearing. 
local sporting events are fun, go to as many as you can. 
fireworks aren't just for kids. 
if you can hear someone chew or swallow, they're not "the one" for you. 
cussing isn't pretty. 
sincerity is appreciated. 
be grateful for honest people. 
it's okay to trust a guy. 
don't say things you don't mean. 
take huge risks, you just never know what might come from it. 
never feel the need to defend your decisions or opinions. 
being a mom doesn't make you a prude. 
don't get hung up on all the details. 



Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Intimidated by Fun?

There are different versions of fun. People have different hobbies, different interests, different highs and lows. When someone questions my ability of handling fun, or their version of fun, I just want to throw something at them (fun!).
Here's a list of things that I consider to be fun....

  • recording videos of my kids singing, dancing, and putting on performances
  • spending weekends in Chicago with my family, playing cards and drinking wine
  • cuddling on the couch with my son, watching football or college basketball
  • impromptu sleepovers with my cousin and her kids
  • road trips to Michigan with my cousin
  • shopping on Saturday with my Mom
  • getting frozen yogurt on Friday afternoons before dinner
  • watching reality tv
  • blogging
  • planting flowers (thank you Megan!)
  • "spirit week" at work
  • staying in on Friday night watching kid movies, eating popcorn and apples
  • hayrides
  • parades
  • phone dates
  • Tincaps games
  • three-way phone calls with my brother and mom
  • drinking beer at a dive bar
  • country concerts
  • taking my kids to plays/concerts
  • going to church with the kids
  • getting pedicures with my Lilly girl
  • sitting outside on warm days, watching the kids play together and use their imagination
  • sidewalk chalk
  • bike rides

So before anyone writes off my contentment with life as me being lame or intimidated by your version of a good time, read my list o' fun! 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

It's ok day...

It's Okay....

to use the "it's ok" idea (which you stole from someone else's blog) when you have nothing else to blog about.
to have completely different viewpoints from the guy you're dating (right?!). 
to be sitting in your car blogging while you wait for your hair appt. 
to pay $4 for coffee...every once in awhile.
to want to go to a Medium or psychic just to check it out. 
to have multiple pairs of jeans but only wear one of them because they're your favorite pair.
to encourage your cousin to text a guy because you're THAT confident in your Cupid skills!
to stop trusting certain people. 
to be passive aggressive...sometimes!
to spend $120 on a hair appt every six weeks. 
to care a little less about what you wear. 
to use a space heater under your desk and keep it on full blast until you feel like your feet are on fire!
to (still) be counting down the days until your cabin-in-the-mountain vacation!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Sunday Funday!

I feel like I'm just outdoing myself here. You know that I'm not a baker, a cooker, or anything domesticated of the such. Today Lills and I made homemade applesauce. Well wait, you should know part of my incentive behind it was because Friday after I picked her up from school, Lilly asked me what "homemade" meant. Seriously. This girl is in for the ride of her life. Granted, homemade applesauce isn't exactly reaching-for-the-stars ambitious, but it's a start!
A very "toofless" Lills



The start to some yummy applesauce! 


And what Sunday is complete without a fun little family rivalry? Colts vs Packers. We were clearly a house divided! 








Saturday, October 6, 2012

Can I Have Your Attention Please?

Have you ever read the book "The 5 Love Languages"? I remember Aaron and I kinda reading it together years ago. I've thought about it a lot over the past couple years, especially the past six months. Tonight I took the quiz which tells you what your love language is. It came as no surprise that my love language is "words of affirmation."  The description says: "Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words "I love you" are important-- hearing the reasons behind the love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten."  Ummmm, duh. Do you KNOW me? The scary thing for me is the love language that is least important to me....quality time. The lowest scoring love language is seldom used to communicate love and which probably doesn't affect you very much on an emotional level. (Could this explain why I never date people who live in the same town as me?!) This was an interesting little quiz and I encourage you to take it!

Friday, October 5, 2012

It's What We Do

Things we do in our home on a regular basis...

watch the Lorax, especially on Friday nights with pizza. 
have dance parties. 
listen to Andy Grammer. And Taylor Swift. 
"skate" in the living room with socks or Noodle Grandma slippers. 
eat chips and salsa. 
have full-on meltdowns. 
decorate the mantle for holidays, just like Nana. 
FaceTime with Uncle A, Uncle G, or Daddy. 
watch VH1 countdowns on weekend mornings. 
play "highs and lows" at the dinner table. 
play school and have practice spelling tests. 
talk over each other. 
cuddle under our massive IU blanket. 






Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Alphabet

In one of the devotionals that I read, one of the exercises recommended is to focus on all the good in your life...the things that make you happy, the things that bring you joy, and the things for which you're most grateful.

  • A= Adam. My brother is my best friend and without him I'd be lost. 
  • B= Books. Although I've taken a slight hiatus from reading lately, I absolutely love curling up with a good book. 
  • C= Career. I'm so grateful to have a career in the field of secondary education.
  • D= Date nights. 'nuff said! 
  • E= Evenings at home with my kids. They seem to be few and far between now, so I kinda eat it up when I have a weeknight evening with them! 
  • F= Friends. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE my friends and I'm so blessed to have them in my life. 
  • G= Grandpa. OOOH I just love him! And I worry about him. But I adore him. 
  • H= Hugs from my son. There is truly nothing better! He's a Donna Anglin kinda hugger!
  • I= iPhone, iPod, iPad....thank you Apple!
  • J= Joseph. So lovely to have such a kind, caring, and confident man in my life. 
  • K= Kids...they are my constant. My soulmates. I adore them. 
  • L= Leaves. I am loving the changing of the seasons and the leaves are so gorgeous! 
  • M= Megan. My cousin is truly the best person in the world to "do life" with.
  • N= New friends/family. In the past few months it's been nice meeting new people, especially Joe's friends and family. 
  • O= October. It's the perfect month. Not too cold. Not too hot. Juuuuuussssst right! 
  • P= Pizza. I should really eat less pizza, but I LOVE it. Pizza brings me happiness. 
  • Q=  hmmm, to be continued...
  • R= Ross Medical Education. So grateful for my job. Even with all the highs and lows, I love my job. 
  • S= Showers. There's something about five minutes of alone time in the shower. No talking. No crying. No fighting. Just quiet. Aaaahhh! 
  • T= Thursdays. Thursday is the most relaxing evening for our family. It's the one night I get off work and get to go straight to pick up the kids from school. We get to make dinner together, eat together, and always have extra time to hang out together. 
  • U= Ummm....
  • V= Vacation. I am so excited for our little mini-vacation coming up in November. I cannot wait!
  • W= Work family. I wouldn't love my job as much if it wasn't for my incredible work family. 
  • X= I clearly need to expand my vocabulary!
  • Y= Year. I'm so grateful for the past year. I've gone through a lot and I've come out stronger than ever. Yuh huh! 
  • Z= I've got nothin'! 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

It's Okay...

It's okay...

to have nothing exciting to blog about tonight. 
to watch the presidential debate with your guy over the phone.
to let go of people in your life who always disappoint you. 
to be selfish when it comes to your happiness. 
to be pissed as hell at your perfect babysitter who quit on you last night. 
to beg your mom to live in the same town as you. 
to drink two cans of Diet Coke in one day at work. 
to talk to your friend Ace for 10 minutes about mozzarella sticks. 
to be counting down the days until your cabin-in-the-mountains vacay. 
to drink gas station cappuccinos. 
to be a Packer's fan. No, seriously. It's okay. 
to not want to carve pumpkins by yourself. 
to need FB attention from certain people. 
to try cooking new recipes just to convince yourself that you ARE capable. 
to be cheap about cable. 
to fail at daily blogging. 



Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Remind Me...

The next time I'm frustrated with either of my kids, will you please refer me to this post!? I just cannot believe how much you can love someone, but these two little peas are just absolutely perfect to me. Through all the toughest of days, the loudest of tantrums, and the messiest meltdowns, they're my angels and I will be forever thankful for that. 






Monday, October 1, 2012

Oh Yes I Did!

I don't know what's come over me, but I feel a wee bit out of my element as of lately! First I write about politics (which, let's be honest was less about politics and more about how amazing I am as an independent woman- aaah snap!) and now I'm about to shock you all with some MAJOR news.....ready?

I followed a recipe and made a pretty decent meal last night. That's right! Don't think for even a half of a second that I've turned into a little domestic diva- that's definitely not the case. But, I do feel like I need to get a few solid meals under my belt! Here's the one I did last night:

Crockpot Bacon Wrapped Apple BBQ Chicken  which I got from this blog. It was extremely easy, and it turned out pretty delish! I served it with mashed potatoes and corn on the cob! Nothing like a yummy, quick, and simple meal to throw together on a Sunday evening!


Three chicken breasts with some apples. Then wrap in bacon. I used about two pieces of bacon for each piece of chicken. Then place them in the bottom of the crockpot (I put a little BBQ sauce in the bottom just to coat the crockpot). Then pour the BBQ concoction over top of the chicken. The BBQ concoction consisted of 1/2c of BBQ sauce (I used Sweet Baby Ray's), one apple, and lemon juice. The recipe says to cook it for 8 hours. I did mine on low for about six and a half hours and it was probably an hour too long. The chicken started to shred, but still tasted yummy!!







Sunday, September 30, 2012

Glue You Back Together!

Well, we finally had our first major accident. I got the dreaded call from daycare around 3 o'clock Thursday afternoon letting me know that Anderson had cracked his head on the door handle and quite possibly needed stitches! After a quick call to our pediatrician, I decided to just take him into their office and see what they though- they are the professionals, after all! The doc assessed little man's head and decided we could probably just "glue him back together"...Anderson thought that was hilarious! He did a really great job of staying calm. I'm so proud of my little man!

After we left the office, we had to go back to get Lilly off the bus. When she saw what happened to her little brother she was instantly concerned. I saw my opportunity to make this work to my advantage. I explained to her that she couldn't be mean, loud, or cry around around her brother because it would make his head hurt. I told her we had to be extra careful around him. I created a monster. She wouldn't let him run, crawl, jump, cry, yell, and eventually even speed walk!!!!!! She was an excellent little nurse!! (That lasted for about one day!)



New haircut, compliments of the nice nurse at Pediatrics Associates! 

Getting fixed up by the doctor! Such a brave little boy!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

...all for a reason...

I firmly believe in the idea that everyone is put into our lives for a reason. Along with that, I believe in the cliche' that God never gives us more than we can handle (ew, cliche' might be the wrong word!). I ALSO believe that we go through things for a reason, a lesson. I believe that we learn from this lesson, grow from it, and we are to USE what we've learned to counsel other people.

I don't know how many girls have reached out to me in the past three years about the things I went through with Aaron's addiction. It's hard to fathom that my experience of living with an addict could have an effect on anyone else.  Another lady in my life is going through similar things with her daughter. I've seen the turmoil that her daughter has caused in their family because of her addiction. It's heartbreaking to see this lady go through this hardship because I know exactly how she feels. There's nothing worse than the feelings of hopelessness. The feeling that nothing you say can make this awful disease go away. The feeling that you can't love someone enough to get them sober. Even worse, that everything you do makes it even worse- drives them to use even more. (God I wish Aaron read my blog and could understand this side of it.) There's that feeling that nothing is going to make this better, but you try to believe in your heart that you're making the right decision to stand by him, to support him, to let him sleep, to let him miss work, to let him stay out late, to let him...and so it goes on and on until you realize that you've lost yourself in this disease just as much as he has lost himself. But the difference is you. remember. everything.

If I could have one thing go MY way in life, like if I had a magic lamp with a genie, I'd wish for the same thing three times over (okay that's a lie, I'd wish for money too), but two times over I'd wish that NO ONE had to deal with the ugly disease of addiction. That way, no son would have to see his mom be punched and drug down the stairs. No daughter would have to call the police on her daddy to keep him from taking her away from her mom. No girlfriend would be wondering why she allows her boyfriend to cheat on her over and over. No wife would be contemplating leaving a job she loves so as to get away from her addicted husband. No child would wonder what she did wrong to make her daddy move so far away. No mother would wonder if her granddaughter is safe while her grown daughter is passed out in bed for thirty-six hours. No child would grow up and fall in love with someone who is as abusive as her father, as disappointing as her father, as uninvolved as her father. No one, in the world, would have to experience the let-down that is addiction.

The sad reality though is that my magic lamp savior isn't an option. The reality is that there IS this disease of addiction and there WILL be those of us who happen to fall in love with someone who is an addict. We WILL be disappointed by this disease and there's nothing we can do to stop it. All we can do is take a stand against it- do what we know is right for ourself and for our kids. Nothing brings me greater joy than someone emailing me and saying "Hey, I see you survived this, can you help me..." I HATE that someone else has to go through it- it breaks my soul I tell you, but to know that someone sees me as a "survivor" of this disease (even though I wasn't "the" addict) makes me feel like it was allll worth it. Seriously.

If I could say ONE thing to the people who have reached out to me in the past three years it would be these words of encouragement: You WILL get through this. You will come to a point in the future where you can look back at this and be grateful that you experienced it all. You will come to appreciate the hardships because they turned you into the person you are today. You will thank the addict in your life for waking you up to what's really important in life. You will look at your children and know that you've given your ALL for them. You will reflect back on these days and be humbled by the choices you had to make, but you will know that you would make the same choices all over again if given the chance. Stay strong, be wise, and think of what's really important right now.








Sunday, September 23, 2012

47%, huh?



I don't ever write about politics. And this isn't necessarily about politics either, but rather about my personal ties to this comment. I don't pretend to know about politics. I don't pretend to CARE about politics. I know what I know, and I care about what's important to me and my family.

Mitt Romney makes the comment that 47% of Americans are dependent upon the government, who see themselves as victims. He suggests that these are people he'll never be able to convince to take personal responsibility or to care for their own lives. Luckily, he's not worried about "those" people.

Unfortunately, I was one of "those" people. I remember when Aaron first left for MN. I had no job, an $850/month rental house, two kids, a car payment, among many other day to day expenses. Two weeks after Aaron left I interviewed for the company where, three years later, I am still employed. With that said, there was a time that things were hard. Very hard. I remember calling my friend Rachael, telling her that there was no way I was going to be able to pay rent. There was no way I was going to be able to pay any of my bills for that matter. And I was freaking out about how I was even going to afford groceries. It was then that she told me to call the Township for help with rent, and to call and talk to someone about getting food stamps and any other assistance that I might need. I sat on my porch and cried like a baby. I was not one of "those" people. How embarrassing. And all I remember her telling me was "you do what you have to do when it comes to taking care of your kids Gretchen." Gulp.

Making the call to the township a few days later was probably one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I made an appointment with a lady named Barbara. I'll never forget her. I met with her a few weeks later and had to explain my situation. How do you tell someone that your life fell apart in front of your eyes and you were too naive to stop it? To make a long story short, the Aboite Township paid a portion of my $850 rent for two different months. It was helpful, but humbling.
I remember making the appointment with the Family and Social Services Administration (FSSA). I remember taking my kids downtown to the "welfare office" to find out about getting help. I was mortified, but I had no other choice. We got food stamps for a  few months until I was working and making a little money. I remember one time going into the grocery store on Scott Rd. and when I paid with the food stamp card, the lady said (VERY LOUDLY), "Oh, I didn't realize that was a food stamp card. You don't look like the type. You'll have to swipe it again."  I wanted to die. Seriously. The most embarrassing moment of my life.

So once I was working for a few months and could finally afford rent, groceries, and everything else on my own I was able to stop using government assistance. With pleasure.

But then there was still the issue of daycare. At that time I had applied for CANI, which would help pay for daycare expenses. Of course I qualified for it, as I was bringing home only $1600 a month at that time! A couple years, two promotions (and raises) later,  I came to the point where I no longer qualified for any kind of daycare assistance at all. I went from paying $90/week to paying $278/week for daycare.

My point is, never during that time did I feel entitled to that assistance. Never did I think of making a living from it. Never did I enjoy being on it. It was mortifying. It was humbling. It is not something I ever want to relive. But I did what I had to do during those seasons of my life, to be able to care of my kids on my own. It scares me to think that some single moms in the future may not have that option. It worries me to think that other people will struggle and never have anyone to help them.

Of course there are people who abuse the system. I get that. And like I said, I don't intend for this to turn into a political platform. But it worries me to think that we may elect a person who isn't concerned for nearly half of the country. It saddens me to think that there may be families who aren't granted these things during tough times in their life. All I can do is speak from personal experience and say that there is nothing in the world more humbling than having to ask for help. But to think that someone views me as one of "those" people because I went through a tough time makes me sick. In fact, I feel like I'm the exact example of someone who used this assistance as it is intended to be used. I needed a little help until I could get back on my feet.

I thought carefully about putting my business out here for ya'll to read, but I guess it matters enough to me to do it. It matters to me that people know that even "regular" people go through some tough times. When we have a presidential candidate openly shunning "those" people, it worries me. It makes me want to stand up and say "wait a second, it could be any one of us." We need to be very careful of everything that we're voting for in a couple months, young and old, this affects us.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

You Should Know...


  • I am super excited that football has started back up and I no longer get Tigers alerts on my phone. (Note to self: unsubscribe to Lions alerts)
  • Loving the cooler temps, but dreading the winter! Still convinced I need to move somewhere with temperatures ALWAYS in the 70s! (Lilly won't move unless we're living close to Taylor Swift. And Anderson won't move unless you can convince him that he can have a birthday no matter WHAT state you're in.)
  • We recently "passed" our accreditation audit at work, which means even with the crappy hand we were dealt, our staff rallied together nicely and fixed a lot of "broken" stuff and came out with a clean audit. This is huge!!! Well done work family! 
  • We got rid of a toxic entity at work, and although it's unfortunate, it needed to be done and I can't say I'm too awfully upset about it. When someone makes everyone else question their role in a company, there's something wrong. I doubted myself more in the last three months than I have in my whole life...and that's a scary revelation. 
  • Slowly making strides to come to some new agreements with Aaron in regards to the kids' visitation. ...to be continued...
  • Loving the new iOS 6.0 software update on my phone! Hello fun emoticons!!! (Thank you Ace!)
  • Speaking of my phone, a couple of my friends will be pleased to know I finally removed all my icons from their mysteriously placed folders! LOL!
  • Been feeling a little more motivated to "do me" again. To say that I lost myself during the first few months of the year would be the understatement of the millennium. I got extremely caught up in things post-JM that I lost sight of the progress and growth I had made over the previous year. 
  • Lilly is doing exceptionally well in first grade. She was student of the week during the third week of school, gets "coupons" almost weekly for good behavior, and seems to have matured a lot since last year. Now, this is not to say that we don't still have toddler-like meltdowns around here, but for the most part I can see the maturity progressing. 
  • Anderson just got his first haircut since July! All that hair wasn't pretty and only drew attention to his already big head! God love that kid! 
  • I haven't had a massage for over a year. I think it's about time. Think I can convince someone to buy me a Columbus Day present? Any takers? 
  • I took a PTO day tomorrow just so I could get caught up on things around my house. I haven't mowed the lawn in well over two weeks. I'm sure my neighbors would appreciate it if I did that tomorrow. And I imagine my kids wouldn't hate it if I actually made some real food (NOT that an egg sandwich and hot chocolate isn't an amazing weekday dinner!) for once! And my white kitchen floor (who does that?) could definitely benefit from a deep scrub. So much for a relaxing day, huh?
  • I'm slightly addicted to The Voice now (thanks Joseph). And I'll be damned if I don't cry at least once during every single episode. What's THAT all about?  

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The Rice Song




Really my only memory of my whole family living together is nights when my dad would be grilling out, mom would be in the kitchen cooking, and Cat Stevens would be blaring on the stereo. Hearing this song on The Voice tonight took me back and literally brought tears to my eyes. It makes me appreciate where I came from, relive flashbacks I've shelved in the back of my mind, and wonder what memories my kids will have of similar situations.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Dashboard= Good for my Soul!

When I was in college, I was introduced to THE MOST incredible band EVER. My boyfriend at the time had a twin brother who was super into this band-- I thought it was all the rage so I HAD to hear it. I was HOOKED from the second I heard them. This is EXACTLY my kind of music. My favorite thing about them is they're NOT all the rage and not THAT many people have actually heard of (or enjoyed) their music. Over the years I grew to love the band more and more but the one that I absolutely fell IN LOVE with was their unplugged album. (I hear myself getting lamer and lamer as I write this, but I don't care!)

The unplugged album also came with the dvd of their performance on MTV. I remember watching that stinkin' dvd until it wouldn't play anymore. Every single night I'd turn it on to fall asleep. Their music got me through so much "stuff" in my life. I remember moving into my new apartment with my roommate Jill. I stayed up late one night, dissecting each song, learning the meaning behind each one (I was an English major, this is what I do). It only made me love their music even more. I remember making posters of their lyrics and hanging them all over my room. I think my mom thought I was suicidal! LOL! But honestly, there is something to be said about music and lyrics like that.