I firmly believe in the idea that everyone is put into our lives for a reason. Along with that, I believe in the cliche' that God never gives us more than we can handle (ew, cliche' might be the wrong word!). I ALSO believe that we go through things for a reason, a lesson. I believe that we learn from this lesson, grow from it, and we are to USE what we've learned to counsel other people.
I don't know how many girls have reached out to me in the past three years about the things I went through with Aaron's addiction. It's hard to fathom that my experience of living with an addict could have an effect on anyone else. Another lady in my life is going through similar things with her daughter. I've seen the turmoil that her daughter has caused in their family because of her addiction. It's heartbreaking to see this lady go through this hardship because I know exactly how she feels. There's nothing worse than the feelings of hopelessness. The feeling that nothing you say can make this awful disease go away. The feeling that you can't love someone enough to get them sober. Even worse, that everything you do makes it even worse- drives them to use even more. (God I wish Aaron read my blog and could understand this side of it.) There's that feeling that nothing is going to make this better, but you try to believe in your heart that you're making the right decision to stand by him, to support him, to let him sleep, to let him miss work, to let him stay out late, to let him...and so it goes on and on until you realize that you've lost yourself in this disease just as much as he has lost himself. But the difference is you. remember. everything.
If I could have one thing go MY way in life, like if I had a magic lamp with a genie, I'd wish for the same thing three times over (okay that's a lie, I'd wish for money too), but two times over I'd wish that NO ONE had to deal with the ugly disease of addiction. That way, no son would have to see his mom be punched and drug down the stairs. No daughter would have to call the police on her daddy to keep him from taking her away from her mom. No girlfriend would be wondering why she allows her boyfriend to cheat on her over and over. No wife would be contemplating leaving a job she loves so as to get away from her addicted husband. No child would wonder what she did wrong to make her daddy move so far away. No mother would wonder if her granddaughter is safe while her grown daughter is passed out in bed for thirty-six hours. No child would grow up and fall in love with someone who is as abusive as her father, as disappointing as her father, as uninvolved as her father. No one, in the world, would have to experience the let-down that is addiction.
The sad reality though is that my magic lamp savior isn't an option. The reality is that there IS this disease of addiction and there WILL be those of us who happen to fall in love with someone who is an addict. We WILL be disappointed by this disease and there's nothing we can do to stop it. All we can do is take a stand against it- do what we know is right for ourself and for our kids. Nothing brings me greater joy than someone emailing me and saying "Hey, I see you survived this, can you help me..." I HATE that someone else has to go through it- it breaks my soul I tell you, but to know that someone sees me as a "survivor" of this disease (even though I wasn't "the" addict) makes me feel like it was allll worth it. Seriously.
If I could say ONE thing to the people who have reached out to me in the past three years it would be these words of encouragement: You WILL get through this. You will come to a point in the future where you can look back at this and be grateful that you experienced it all. You will come to appreciate the hardships because they turned you into the person you are today. You will thank the addict in your life for waking you up to what's really important in life. You will look at your children and know that you've given your ALL for them. You will reflect back on these days and be humbled by the choices you had to make, but you will know that you would make the same choices all over again if given the chance. Stay strong, be wise, and think of what's really important right now.
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