You Realize....

After you lose someone important, you realize that nothing you do seems normal anymore. You realize how much a part of your life that person was. Here's what I realized driving in....

• I can't listen to the radio anymore. Every. Single. Song reminds me of him. I tried to listen to Bullfrogs and Butterflies (my kids' Christian cd, that my brother and I used to listen to as kids also), but then I was reminded that I was listening to it because I couldn't listen to the radio. Ugh.
• You can get heart burn, even if you haven't eaten in two days.
• Cramming your clothes into one side of the closet, because you can't fathom the idea that he's never coming back and won't need that side of the closet anymore, is okay. This works also with a dresser. Who needs six dresser drawers to herself? Three will work. It's worked for the past 3 months, it can work for a while longer.
• It IS possible to keep your kids out of said closet, so as to escape from having to answer questions, quite yet.
• Avoiding text messages from friends and family to avoid tears is okay. As much as the "pep talks" are intended for warm wishes, they actually do quite the opposite. Thanks, but please don't send anymore, at least during business hours, or hours that might be spent with my children.
• The old saying is true...."Appreciate the little things in life, for one day they will be the big things."
• Words hurt. You can't get away with saying mean things your whole life. You have to be willing to stop trying to protect yourself, and be open to trusting the person you love. I failed at this. Over and over.
• NEVER use things associated with your boyfriend as ALL your passwords. The next time you try to sign into ANYTHING, you'll cry.
• Little things, like making the bed, should be rewarded...at least today! GO GRETCHEN! (See? That worked for me!)
• Going to bed at 7:30pm is NOT beneficial if you're just going to wake up every two hours.
• When people tell you that you're strong, it's not always a good thing. Sometimes it's okay to cry. Sometimes it's okay to need someone. Sometimes it's okay to pray to God that he can help change this.
• It's okay to have days where you want to call him and text him and let him know that you still love him...other days it's okay to write a blog about it!
• Most importantly, I realized this morning that I might have to MAKE myself have a good day today. I'm probably going to have to remind myself to smile. But, I have two beautiful babies who remind me how blessed I am, and I will cling to that, more today than ever before.