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On Thursday, my Grandma will have been in Heaven for four years. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I've thought a thousand times of things I would say to her if she was still here. A letter is the best I can do though.


Dear Grandma,

So much has happened in the past four years. First, you'll be happy to know that Grandpa is well and misses you dearly. Mom has more than stepped up to the plate for you, nagging Grandpa any chance she gets! Don't worry- he doesn't seem to mind too much! Mom has stepped in for you at Friday dinners, or at least every other weekend. I know she feels bad telling him no sometimes, but I think Grandpa understands! (Such a good man, that one!) He came to my house last weekend to help hang some shelves in the garage! It was SO nice having him at my house, and I think he liked that he got to do some "manly" things for me! And of course, there were some 2X4's involved!!! He brings the kids M&M's everytime he knows he'll be seeing them. Most of the time they're already melted from being in his pocket too long, but the kids don't care!! I know you didn't know Murphy, but Anderson LOVES him and Lilly is scared mindless of him! He makes Grandpa happy and drives mom CRAZY! You'd love him! He's a little hyper, much like Makayla used to be!

Mom still cries about you. She misses you so much. We all do, but I think Mom misses you more than anyone can even imagine. She still comes to Fort Wayne almost every weekend so we can go shopping, and not a weekend goes by that she doesn't mention your name. I joke about her nagging grandpa so much, but I think she loves it when we tell her she's just like you! (She is! Exactly like you!) I pray to God that I turn out exactly like her, too. 

Adam sees you on his flights sometimes. I think he'd give anything to just talk to you one more time. Wouldn't it be nice if Heaven had visiting hours? Can't you talk to someone about that?! Adam uses your sayings a lot. "Well Gretchen, that's just a decision you'll have to make!" We all love it!

Lilly started first grade this year! FIRST GRADE Grandma! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! She doesn't talk about school much this year, but she says she likes it alright. She's reading chapter books and loves to write (maybe she gets that from me?!). She is a wee bit dramatic (must get that from Aaron!) and she and I butt heads sometimes (a lot). I'm obsessed with her, but she'll be the death of me grandma! You weren't kidding when you said they're easier to take care of in the womb than on the outside! hahaha! Lilly smells you a lot. Mom bought me some bath salts in MN last month. They're sitting in my bathroom and Lilly says they smell like you. I love that. She talks about you a lot...especially to her brother. She's SUCH a good big sister grandma. I told her the story about how she used to back her booty into you. She just laughed! She thinks it's pretty hilarious! Grandpa came to Lilly's first ballet recital this past summer. You would have loved seeing her dance. 

Anderson. Wow. You would absolutely love him to pieces. He's perfect. He's the best hugger IN THE WORLD. I'm pretty sure he got that from his Gigi! Anderson is just a ham. He loves Grandpa (his Pa-Paw), and always wants to follow him around. He went golfing and fishing for the first time ever this summer when he was in MN with Aaron. He loved it, even though he fell into the lake (ugh Aaron!). Anderson started Junior K a couple weeks ago. He's already been in trouble twice. He's a stink, but sooo cute so it's hard to stay mad at him. He's definitely going to be a mama's boy, although he LOVES his Nana so much. When you last saw Anderson, he was CHUBBY! He's sooo skinny now! It's crazy! Oh Grandma, you would just love him so much! And he would love you too! I wish he knew you more. Lilly and I do our best to tell him about you. The kids have a picture of you- the one from your last Christmas at Mom's. You're wearing the purple outfit and you're sitting on Mom's couch and Lilly is standing next to you. It's a perfect picture. It's my "go to" memory of you.

I think you'd be proud of me Grandma. I'm sorry that things didn't work out with me and Aaron, but you didn't know "that side" of Aaron, which I'm thankful for. He loved you, and I know you always loved him. He is a good dad...for that, I'll be forever grateful. I wish you could have met Jeff. You would have loved him. He was a hugger grandma. I thought he was sent to me by you. It didn't work out, but I felt true love. It was incredible. If you've got any other wild cards for me, you can send him my way anytime! Just sayin'! I haven't been to "visit" you lately, and I'm sorry for that. That first summer/fall was intense. I miss my random weekday visits with you. I'll try to do better about visiting. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I'm trying to talk Mom into moving up to Fort Wayne to be closer to me and the kids. She would never leave grandpa alone in Wabash, which I understand. Things just aren't the same without you here. Of course we all adore Grandpa, but life without you just doesn't feel whole. I'm sure Grandpa would agree. It's hard for me to go to your house. The memories I have of you there haunt me. My favorite memories are of happier, healthier times. I sometimes wonder if grandpa (and Mom) feel the same. 

You are the best grandma a girl could ever ask for. Your outgoing personality has lived on in me. Your strong demeanor lives on in Mom. Your brutally honest opinions live on (strongly) in Adam. Your wit has been carried on by all of us. And your vibrant outlook on life has lived on in many people that you've touched in your lifetime. Anytime I get together with old friends from high school your name is mentioned, a memory of you shared. And every time, I get more and more proud to be your granddaughter. You will never be forgotten, Grandma. I promise with every fiber of my being, you will never be forgotten. 


All my love, until next time,

Gretchen