Saving Her

I feel like everyone who has lived with a drug addict tells the same story. Sure the minor details are different, but the big picture is the same. The lies, the manipulation, the uncertainty, the fear..if you've ever been around an addict, you know what I'm talking about. And although I'm educated enough on the topic to know and believe that it's a disease, I still can't help but feel zero sympathy for an addict. Being the one who loves the addict is equally, if not more disastrous. At least the addict doesn't remember all the hurt and pain he's causing his loved ones. The worse thing for me now is seeing someone else go through it. As much as I want to save them all, I know that it's an ending that you have to reach on your own. There's nothing I can say to someone going through it to make them completely understand that it's probably worse than they imagine and that it's probably not going to end up how you hope it will.
There's a girl in my life who, for whatever reason, I really took under my wing about six months ago. When we first met, I was instantly drawn to her. Looking back now I see why, but at the time I just saw such potential in this girl. She worked a full time job at a fiberglass factory (tough work, especially for a girl) and was going to night school. She had a rough upbringing; nothing terrible, but it sounds like it wasn't overly easy either. Basically, I just loved how hard working she was and how driven she was to get out of her situation (living with her parents, working at the factory, etc..). She is a very smart girl, albeit with a twenty year old's attitude.
Flash forward to now. She met a guy about three months ago and has been living with him ever since (okay okay, so she "got out" of her parent's house, but....ugh). She just seems to be constantly down, and mad at the world. She hates rules and regulations- anywhere, set up by anyone. She doesn't work anymore, and I see her struggle. I'm telling you, it breaks my heart to see her struggle. I had a little chat with her last night to try to figure out what's going on in her life. What is so different now than where she was six months ago? I can't help but tie it to her boyfriend. She seems to try to keep him close (logistically) wherever she is, to ensure that he doesn't screw up and go use drugs. WHAT? I want to shake her and tell her that she can't protect him from this disease. I want her to realize that the power of addiction is stronger than any young love that they may have for each other. She's convinced that he hasn't done any drugs since they moved in together, but from the sound of her stories, it just doesn't seem to be the case. Things that she believes about him are exact stories that I used to believe from Aaron. As much as I tell her that he's probably lying to her, the more I see her turn away from me and turn more towards him. She thinks that he's motivating and supporting her, but in reality I see him using her and manipulating her. She's too young for this. It hurts my soul to know that she could potentially end up in a situation like I did with Aaron. I PRAY that she makes smarter decisions than I did. I PRAY that she trusts herself enough to know that she can make it in life without him. I PRAY that she's not relying on him for anything, so that when he disappoints her and betrays her, she will be okay enough to move on.
I remember my mom encouraging me and trying to protect me from all of this too, about six years ago. I remember her telling me that this was not going to end up good for me, if I stayed with Aaron and continued the path that I was heading. I remember hating her for saying these things. I remember being disgusted with her for not trusting my choices. I remember thinking "she doesn't have a clue." The sad thing is, she knew exactly what I was going through and she knew EXACTLY how it would end up. Unfortunately, I had to get there on my own. Something had to light up inside of me, on its own. Nothing my mom, or anyone else for that matter, said would make me stop loving, and trusting, and caring about Aaron. It was a stop I had to get to on my own. And of course, eventually I did. I just wish that I could help my friend before it gets to a horrible point in her life...before she ends up living a life where she trusts no one, loves too cautiously, and where those horribly memories haunt her. I know I can't save her, but I wish more than anything, I could make this easy for her.

"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards."