Unexpected? What's That?

"If you expect the unexpected, then doesn't the unexpected become expected?"

If I could plan out every detail of every day, I'd do it. If I could write a script for the things people should/would say, I'd do it. I just want to hear what I want to hear and see what I want to see...and block out everything else. When things are going a certain way, headed a certain direction, I let myself get tripped up in my own expectations, and so when something goes ascew, I don't really know how to react...because it wasn't what I had planned on happening. Follow me? I'm smart enough to know that the world doesn't revolve around me or my desires. I'm smart enough to know that there's a Higher Power, something much bigger than me, controlling it all. And I'm okay with that (you're welcome God!).

I remember a year ago when I was obsessing over something so ridiculous that once I was able to get myself back into that situation, allow myself to really BE in the moment again, I realized that it was in fact not where I wanted to be...nor was it as I had once remembered it to be. I wrote about it here. I'm not saying that I'm in the same (or even similiar) situation now, but I do remember what it was like to feel like I needed "just one more chance" to figure it out. It was as though I was given another look back at what I thought I had. Boy was I way off! The things that were going on in my mind, prior to this second look, were nowhere near what the reality was. Again, I'm not saying that this is the case now, but this is an a reminder of how my idea of my life plan is just that-- what I want.

I'm not good at letting go. I'm not a relaxed, laid-back, calm person. I am a control-freak. I am a planner. I am impatient. I hate waiting. But, I'm willing to attempt to make these changes...because let's face it, "I may be wrong." What I want for me, isn't necessarily what God wants for me. Where I thought my life was heading obviously isn't where God has planned for me. That kinda sucks! BUT, I trust Him. I trust that He has something amazing planned for me.