And I continue to rant...

So I was talking to my dear friend about my blog from yesterday. We were talking about how there's been such a shift in the maturity of men over the years. It's sad because he's a guy and even he agrees that something has changed in men. We were talking about how just because a guy is grown, doesn't make him a man.Just because he has a decent job, doesn't mean he'll be a good provider. Just because he's kind, doesn't mean he'll be a good partner. Just because he's there, doesn't mean he's committed.

My friend was asking me my take on it. Why do I think guys are so different than they were in the past? I have no idea. I kinda feel like every guy in my life is the same. It's a terrible generalization, but I honestly don't see many differences in any of them. I don't want to play the "dad-card" here, but I can't help but recognize the holes in the first male relationship I had. Although I was a bit of a "daddy's girl"...I still experienced countless disappointments from him. Perhaps as children we have extremely high expectations of our parents, especially our fathers, so when something goes wrong, we feel overly failed, let down. I wouldn't say I'm holding on to any past resentments, necessarily. I think it just goes without saying that our childhood, the way we were treated by our fathers, says a lot about the expectations of our future partners. (which worries me for my own children, who see their dad like four times a year)

Here was my friend's take on things...he says it's laziness. That guys don't want to work to provide. They don't want to work to make a relationship successful. Men are overly concerned with themselves, that they forget to run a household, a marriage, a family."But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8  I pointed out that I felt the same way of women, sometimes. That as "independent" women we forget that our role (ew, that's a scary word, but it's my blog so I can say it!) is to nurture our partner, to be supportive of our him, to obey (again, another scary word) him. "But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ." 1 Cor 11:3  But then my friend pointed out, but what is there for a woman to "obey" if she's with someone who doesn't "lead"? Good. Point. And there's the vicious cycle. I'm not saying I was good at these things. As I admitted in my previous post, I have spent way too much time on my independent-woman-high-horse. I wonder if things would be different, had I taken the time to be lead, rather than trying to lead. 

I just feel like there has to be a middle ground between being independent, being able to provide for yourself (especially when you have no other choice) and being submissive in a relationship. At what point do you separate the two? And in today's dating world, how do you determine if someone is just a major controlling turd or just a strong, obedient man of God's word, who wants to do right on all accounts when it comes to being a man? More importantly, where do we (I) find these good men, because I certainly seem to be confusing good boys and good men.