We had an exceptionally relaxing weekend...one of those weekends that makes you feel "okay" with Monday coming around because the weekend was a success! It's been quite awhile since I've had that feeling, but for some reason, whatever the cause, here it was.
Friday after a (dramatic) day at work, I decided that I REALLY just needed some girl time. I called my cousin, who THANK GOD always comes to my rescue. We made arrangements for all four of our kids (thanks Mom), and agreed to not discuss anything "sad" the whole night. We went for dinner, enjoyed a LARGE pitcher of margaritas (broke our agreement of NOT talking about sad things...sat at the restaurant, both in tears), then went back to Megan's house to listen to some OLD SCHOOL Sheryl Crow (c 1993), and polish off a bottle of wine. We sat up, reminiscing about the good ole' days when boys were just fun to tease, when your girl friends caused worse heartaches than boys, and when we were skinny and carefree. Ah, those were the days!
Saturday morning the kids and I headed back home to get ready for a day of shopping with my mom! We went to the mall, found the kids' Easter outfits (so cute! cannot wait!), had a quick lunch (yum), and finally made our way back home to enjoy the rest of the afternoon and evening. I read a lot, the kids played a lot. It was very relaxing. Over dinner, the kids and I talked about how long it had been since we'd been to church. It's not something I'm happy about, but I suppose when JM was here every weekend, it's just something that we stopped doing. Although JM went to church with us a few times, and enjoyed it, it was just different...and so we stopped going. The kids and I decided that we'd start back up in the morning!
Church was perfect-- exactly what I was needing and had been missing. Where I once let JM fill my heart, I realized was the place I could/should open back up to Christ. It's humbling to be standing there, knowing that He's been there all along, and I just pushed Him out of the way for my own selfish desires. I'm clinging to the hope that I can get to the point where He is enough-- and that I won't long so much for JM (or any other relationship). I spent a lot of the day Sunday, reflecting on my own life. (It's sad that it takes a disappointing event, like my breakup with JM, to force me to look at my own life, and my own faults.) I read in my daily devotional that I should take the time to reflect on the "nature of your nature." What makes me me? Why am I the way I am? What patterns show up, time and time again? What am I missing? Although these are things I'm still trying to discover, I know that taking the time to get to know ME is something I should be doing...I'm WORTH learning about.
Sorry, back to the weekend!! Sunday afternoon the kids and I did our weekly grocery shopping (they were ANGELS at the grocery). A man in the check-out line asked me how old my kids were. He said that he and his wife had been trying to have children for years. He told me how blessed I was to have such well-behaved, gorgeous children. Oddly enough, I needed to hear that...not because I don't love my children or think they're blessings, but because sometimes we just need to realize how lucky we really are. Sometimes we get caught up in the low-parts of life, that we overlook the amazing things we have in life. (Thank you Mr.CheckOut Guy!).
Here's to today. Learning to live life again (without JM), and to have faith.
#justwantingtogetthrutodaythentomorrowthenthenextday
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