Lilly, my future little _____.

Yesterday was my first parent-teacher conference with Lilly's teacher. I was a little nervous because poor Lills had had some behavior issues during the first nine weeks, and I was worried the teacher would call me out on my poor parenting. I imagined it much like a firing range-- that the teacher, principal, and a guidance counselor would put me in front of the black board and just point fingers at my lack of follow-through, my poor song-selection in the car (seriously, Ke$ha? Britney?), my awful food habits at my family's dining table, etc. You get my point. Truth is, the classroom didn't even have a black board, the principal and the guidance counselor were no where in sight (LOL!), and Lilly's teacher and I found that we actually have a lot of the same parenting guidelines. Shew!

Lilly tested above average in both reading and writing. She scored a little below the national average for math. When I was telling JM about the "results" of her beginning-of-the-year testing, he simply replied "eh, so she won't be an accountant, big deal!" Which got us laughing and wondering if our parents said the same thing after our first parent-teacher conferences! Does what we learn about our child's educational abilities really set the tone for the rest of their life? Did I really want to be a teacher when I was growing up? Or did my mom just think I was comfortable with and good at bossing people around (which I did a lot of!)? Regardless, we have high hopes for our little lady! I'm sure she'll make a great career path...in twenty years from now!

My little Hopper!

I'm one proud mama! Yesterday I got a letter from Anderson's teachers saying he had been selected as Hopper of the Month for his class! In November, Anderson will have a bulletin board in his classroom that's ALL about him! He gets to pick out some pictures to take in and share with his friends, he has to write about his favorite food, movie, color, and toy. Needless to say, I'm very proud of my little man and am excited for him! About a month ago, Anderson was home sick from school. He was just vegging on the couch, watching a movie, while I used my afternoon at home cleaning and catching up on laundry. I kept shouting out "I love you!" and he'd reply "love" in his adorable little sickly voice! Since then, everytime I say "I love you" from a different room, I hear "love" from my little boy! We'll do it six or seven times! "I love you!" "Love!" "I love you!" "Love!" I love you!" "Love!" And then finally he gets annoyed with it and says "I said LOVE!" LOL! I've written before about how funny and entertaining Andy is. The other night JM got home late from work. The kids had been in bed for well over an hour. JM came back downstairs and asked if I knew what my little boy was wearing to bed. "Ummm, yeah I put him to bed in his jammies, der!" "Ummm, you might want to go take a look at him!" There was my boy, sleeping soundly....in a pillowcase. He was using the pillowcase as a sleeping bag. He is just so random! He's such a good little man! He's always happy, always smiling, and always ready to help Mama, with just about anything! He puts up with A LOT from his always-moody big sister, and is a trooper about being the "man of the house"!!!! He's such a delight and I am so lucky to have such great, amazing, gorgeous little babies!

Ziggy's Privates!?

So I mentioned that I volunteered in Lilly's classroom yesterday. It was quite entertaining and it was nice to be able to put a face to the friends that Lilly always talks about. I have to admit though, that it made me want to dictate who Lilly hangs out with at school. Wow, I just admitted that, huh? I'm sorry, but when I see her little friend "A" act out in class, it helps me see why Lilly sometimes acts silly crazy too. *I'm in no way blaming friend A for the actions Lilly takes. Lilly is aware (now) that she is responsible for her actions, no matter how her friends are acting.* I know it's wrong for me to encourage strongly encourage her to spend her time with certain friends (friend H and friend R please!), but I just can't help it. Sometimes our little tots need that little push to make better decisions in the friend department, right? It's never too early to start, right? So this morning when Lilly and I were talking about her classmates, she told me about her friend C who talks about privates all the time. SHOCKED, I asked her WHAT she was talking about. She said that friend C was talking about his dog Ziggy's private parts and that Mrs.Summers said "Now *friend C* is that appropriate conversation for the classroom? I know that people potty and animals potty, but we do not need to talk about it." Wowza. It's CRRRRRAZY the things my little five year old is already exposed to. I know that this is all bound to happen eventually, but REALLY? In kindergarten? My daughter knows how to spell "kissing" because of the lovely "sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g" song. Ugh. Already? LOL! Oh, it's always something. Thanks Lilly for the entertainment, but could you PLEASE slow down please? You're FIVE!

For My Children

There's no easy or pretty way to say what I'm thinking. There's no simple way to explain the thoughts that are flooding my mind. And although you may not understand why I'm writing this, there is a purpose in writing it.
Recently I starting following a complete stranger's blog. One of my other blogger friends follows her and I got hooked on her "story" and starting following her too. You can read Amy's story here. Anyway, at the risk of sounding like a complete blog-stalker, I started reading some of the blogs that this girl follows, and came across this one. OH. MY. GOSH. I sat at my computer for over an hour yesterday just engrossed in Jessica's blog. For those who aren't interested in reading it, or don't become completely obsessed with her story like I did, let me explain her story. Jessica and her husband had a beautiful little girl, Elizabeth. Elizabeth passed away from cancer at the age of five. Jessica writes about the many different emotions that she goes through after the death of her daughter. As a mother of a five year old daughter, it made me literally sick to think of losing her, and of having to ever experience the things that these parents experienced (or are experiencing). Yes, I know many of you are probably thinking that it's incredibly morbid for me to even be thinking these things, but after reading her blog, I couldn't help but go "there".
I realized that I have used my blog as a way to talk about myself and not so much about my kids. I want this blog be a journal of my thoughts for the kids to eventually go back and read one day and see the silly things that they were doing, the things they said,the things we went through as a family. Sure, I love writing about my love story, and I want the kids to be able to look back and see how this relationship started and played out in the beginning (and hopefully they'll witness it throughout their life because JM and I will still be together!). But, even more so, if anything ever happened to me or to one of them, I want to be able to have this blog as a catalog of our lives. I want these memories to last a lifetime, no matter how long or short that may be.
Again, not to take it to the "dark side" but I have to be realistic that life on earth is a gift, and that it can end at anytime. As much as the kids drive me bonkers at times, I never want to live life without them. I cannot imagine not seeing their face every single day or not hearing their precious voices every single day. I can't imagine seeing piles of toys go unused or closets of clothes go unworn.
As cliche as it is, it's true that life is too short. My mom once sent me a quote that said "Enjoy the little things in life for one day they will become the big things." This is so true and I pray that I can live everyday with this in mind.

Kindergarten Helper

This morning I had the opportunity to volunteer in Lilly's classroom. Although at first I was dreading the thought of spending an hour with 20 five year olds, it ended up being an awesome experience. I got to the classroom before Lilly and her friends arrived from the bus. I made a few copies for her teacher and by the time I got back to the room, there was my precious baby, sitting perfectly at her desk, working on her morning exercises. (I have no doubt my daughter is always this perfect and that it had nothing to do with me being there! RRRIGHT!) She blushed when she saw me and ran to give me a giant hug! She was so excited to "show me off" to all her little friends! It was precious! What was supposed to be an hour long volunteer stunt, turned into two hours with the little tots. It was so much fun and I really do plan to do it again soon next month!

Heeeeey girrrrrrrl!

My daughter has been quite the entertainer in our house as of lately. Yesterday she informed us about the drama in her kindergarten class. "Evan brought a real phone to school today and called the cops on NaRiah. But the cops didn't show up. Mrs.Summers called Evan's mom and he's going to be in so much trouble." Wow.
(I've never used the word "cop" around my children. She said she learned it from NaRiah. I promise.)

Halloween costume shopping for the kids is expenssssssive. Anderson wanted to be an airplane. Target had the cutest airplane costume, but of course neither of the stores close to us had his size. He settled for a garden gnome! HILARIOUS. I'd upload the picture of him, but I have to save it for Halloween! (Stay tuned!) Lilly has been begging to be Rapunzel. She saw the wig and dress at Target a few weeks ago, and I didn't buy it then...BIG MISTAKE. Every Target from here to Granger is sold out. I now have Aaron looking in MN. We found the costume and wig at Toys R Us, but the wig is $24.99 and the dress is on sale for $19.99. I cannot justify spending $45 on a Halloween costume.

So, I recently "discovered" that I've gained over ten pounds since meeting JM. EEEEK. Thank God he's so understanding and loves me regardless of my added cushion. My motivation has officially headed in a new direction, starting right now. Ten pounds? Seriously? UUUUGH!

The kids and I head to FL in a little over a week! I am SO insanely ready to get away with my little boogers! The kids are SOOOO excited to go to Sea World! (I may be even more excited than they are about it!)It's going to be the perfect little weekend getaway for us. They're looking forward to flying and staying in a hotel. (I'm not.) But it is pretty cute seeing my little travelers in the airport!

I've been trying to sell my treadmill, a twin bed, and my kitchen table on Craigslist. Although I've had quite a few interested people, none of them have panned out. I want to get rid of these items IMMEDIATELY so that JM can have the other side of the garage. It's getting colder at night and I hate that he has to climb into a freeezing cold car in the morning. If anyone knows of anyone in my area who might be interested in any of these things, PLEASE let me know!

I've been "encouraged" to apply for yet another position at work. After the previous experience and disappointment (remember?), I'm not sure I have it in me to go through it again. JM is the only person I've discussed this with, and I am really thinking it through carefully before making any moves. After going through the last interview process, I took quite the beating. I'm just not sure I want to do it again, especially if the outcome is the same. As much as I want to take chances and "move up" in the company, I'm just not sure if right now is the best timing for it all. I need to really decide if this would be best for my family. I'm praying about it and would appreciate prayers from ya'll too. This grown-up stuff is hard!!!

Stress

I got this email from a friend today. I don't typically pass along forwards, but this one seems fitting! Enjoy!
A young lady confidently walked around the room while reading and explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?'... She fooled them all..., "How heavy is this glass of water?", she inquired with a smile. Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden… holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night... pick them up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment. Relax, pick them up later, after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it and the now 'supposed' stress that you've conquered!”

REMEMBER, STRESS IS SOMETHING THAT WE DO TO OURSELVES!

1 - Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!

2 - Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 - Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 - Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker..

5 - If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague

6 - If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it..

7 - It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8 - Never buy a car you can't push.

9 - Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10 - Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 - Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 - The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 - When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

14 - Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

15 - You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

16 - Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

17 - We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18 - A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Plans for Me

I haven't shared the latest news, mainly because I was a little scared, but also because I was a little really embarrassed. A couple weeks ago, I applied for what could have been a huge opportunity for me at work. Although I was reluctant to even apply for the assistant director position, I knew that I had to at least TRY or I'd regret it. My boss said that my name had been thrown into the pot by our regional VP and that I should go for it. I submitted my resume to the RVP, EVP, my campus director, and the hiring manager. A day later, I was given an online profiling assessment to complete...all leading me to think I was in the running. I got emails back from the RVP and EVP saying that they were glad I had shown interest and that they would be in touch for interviews.
Flash forward to Wednesday afternoon...I met with my campus director and our RVP. After about an hour conversation, it was clear that I was not right for the position, for many reasons. It would be too difficult to balance as a single parent. How would staff/faculty respond to me as their "leader"? Was I aware of the workload that was involved with this position? I need more experience in other departments of my campus before branching to assistant director. The list continues... I left the meeting feeling extremely defeated. Was the fact that I'm a single mom really going to prevent me from new opportunities? I mean, how would I be able to manage it all? Who would watch my kids if I couldn't get away from work? Was I really prepared to spend even less time with my kids? And then there was the issue of leadership...am I a leader? Could I rally the team and produce results? Am I strong enough to handle harsh criticism? There are so many factors that I hadn't fully considered when I applied for the job. Regardless, I felt like a failure. I felt like I was "stuck" in the position I hold now. I felt like I was letting my kids down, because the new position was a significant pay increase, and would have really made things easier on me, financially.

I talked to my dad later that night and he texted me a verse to read. He said "Jeremiah 29:11. Read this daily and get out of the way of yourself." It was perfect! It was exactly what I needed to read at that moment. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." As much as I THOUGHT I wanted/needed that new position, I know that it's not right for me (or my family) at this point. I NEED to be home with my kids. I NEED to learn more about my job and wait for the right moment to move on. I LOVE my job. I LOVE the position I hold now. I REALLY love everything about my job. I love my work family, I love the friendships I've made with my work family, and I love the interaction I have with our students. I love that my job allows me to make a difference in the lives of people, that I am part of the investment they make in their future.

Sure, rejection stinks. I mean, I felt really lousy...so much in fact that I took a "me" day yesterday and sat home in jammies with a little way too much Chinese food and a terrible Kate Hudson chick-flick. Six pounds, a few tears, and a day later, I'm over it. I know I'm lucky to even be working, especially at a job I love as much as I do. At the end of the day I have to remember that there are big plans for my future and I just need to be patient enough to wait for them. As my dad always says, "Maybe God isn't saying 'No' he's just saying 'not yet'!

Take Me Home (tonight)

It's no huge secret that I have an odd infatuation with my house. Like I mean, I LOVE being home. It's not that my house is amazing, by any stretch of the imagination, or that my house is immaculately clean. It's neither of those things in fact. But when it comes to making travel plans, the thing that always holds me back is the thought of staying the night somewhere else. This isn't a new thing for me, in fact I talked about it years ago, here. Ever since I had the kids, I literally panic at the thought of what might happen at someone else's house. I worry that their cute little fingers might smudge a perfectly clean window, or that their curious wandering minds might venture into fragile, breakable collectibles. I worry that they'll mess things up.

This weekend the kids and I traveled to Grand Rapids to celebrate Pulaski Days with JM and his family. After catching the last ten minutes of the parade, we spent the remaining part of the afternoon at the park. That night we were going to be staying at JM's dad's house since they were out of town. I literally couldn't enjoy myself because I was so worried what the kids might mess up at their house. It's not that the kids are heathens and would intentionally destroy things, that's definitely not the case, but they are just kids and things do happen. But I wasn't willing to risk that happening at his dad's house. After a couple hours of stressing out, I made the decision to leave. The kids and I left MI around 10pm and got home, safely, around 1:15am...and it was SO worth it to be able to sleep at home.

"I don't have a parade, but you can come to my 50's and 60's party!"

Isn't it great to have friends who will swoop you up in your moments of despair? Thanks Sally!

There are no words...

I've worked for Ross for over two years and never could I have imagined something so terrible happening to our close-knit campus. Last night we got word that one of our evening MA students passed away. She was only 27 years old. Apparently she had some health complications that spiraled out of control. She lost her life at the hospital a short time after arriving there. This has definitely taken a toll on our campus, as the evening MA class was pretty small and quickly became like family. Please keep the Curtis family in your prayers.

A Strange Comparison? Perhaps.

I may get stoned for making this odd comparison, but have you ever noticed that you can almost always find a way to make your daily horoscope applicable to your life? No matter what the horoscope says, somehow it was "meant" for your eyes to read that day, right? For example, here's my horoscope today: You hit the nail right on the head, and impress all the right people. Your energy just can't be denied today, so make sure that you're out in public and getting every bit of the attention you deserve. This makes sense to me and what I have brewing in my mind today. Does it make sense to anyone else, seeing my world from the outside? Probably not! And if I try to explain the similarities in my "real" world and my "cosmic" world, would it appear as obvious to anyone else as it does to me? Again, probably not.

I compare this to the message at church every Sunday. Do you ever feel like your pastor is talking directly to you? I do...every weekend! Ha! I suppose that's a good thing, huh? This weekend the message was about how we were all "dealt" a certain "hand" in life. One day, He will come back and say "what did you DO with the hand I dealt you?" It's not about how much money we have or what we drive or where we live. It's what we did with what we had. It's doing SOMETHING with what we were given. For the longest time I have just sat on what I had. I have remained idle in life. Sure, I've made changes in my life and taken chances, but for the most part I've played it safe, doing what I know, what is familiar. But I think I'm finally ready to DO more. Although I may fall on my face or I may get rejected, at least I'm TRYING.