Plans for Me

I haven't shared the latest news, mainly because I was a little scared, but also because I was a little really embarrassed. A couple weeks ago, I applied for what could have been a huge opportunity for me at work. Although I was reluctant to even apply for the assistant director position, I knew that I had to at least TRY or I'd regret it. My boss said that my name had been thrown into the pot by our regional VP and that I should go for it. I submitted my resume to the RVP, EVP, my campus director, and the hiring manager. A day later, I was given an online profiling assessment to complete...all leading me to think I was in the running. I got emails back from the RVP and EVP saying that they were glad I had shown interest and that they would be in touch for interviews.
Flash forward to Wednesday afternoon...I met with my campus director and our RVP. After about an hour conversation, it was clear that I was not right for the position, for many reasons. It would be too difficult to balance as a single parent. How would staff/faculty respond to me as their "leader"? Was I aware of the workload that was involved with this position? I need more experience in other departments of my campus before branching to assistant director. The list continues... I left the meeting feeling extremely defeated. Was the fact that I'm a single mom really going to prevent me from new opportunities? I mean, how would I be able to manage it all? Who would watch my kids if I couldn't get away from work? Was I really prepared to spend even less time with my kids? And then there was the issue of leadership...am I a leader? Could I rally the team and produce results? Am I strong enough to handle harsh criticism? There are so many factors that I hadn't fully considered when I applied for the job. Regardless, I felt like a failure. I felt like I was "stuck" in the position I hold now. I felt like I was letting my kids down, because the new position was a significant pay increase, and would have really made things easier on me, financially.

I talked to my dad later that night and he texted me a verse to read. He said "Jeremiah 29:11. Read this daily and get out of the way of yourself." It was perfect! It was exactly what I needed to read at that moment. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." As much as I THOUGHT I wanted/needed that new position, I know that it's not right for me (or my family) at this point. I NEED to be home with my kids. I NEED to learn more about my job and wait for the right moment to move on. I LOVE my job. I LOVE the position I hold now. I REALLY love everything about my job. I love my work family, I love the friendships I've made with my work family, and I love the interaction I have with our students. I love that my job allows me to make a difference in the lives of people, that I am part of the investment they make in their future.

Sure, rejection stinks. I mean, I felt really lousy...so much in fact that I took a "me" day yesterday and sat home in jammies with a little way too much Chinese food and a terrible Kate Hudson chick-flick. Six pounds, a few tears, and a day later, I'm over it. I know I'm lucky to even be working, especially at a job I love as much as I do. At the end of the day I have to remember that there are big plans for my future and I just need to be patient enough to wait for them. As my dad always says, "Maybe God isn't saying 'No' he's just saying 'not yet'!