Perspective

It's been a minute since I posted anything, which is weird because I feel like I always have so much to say. I literally go through my days thinking "oh I should write about that" or "that would be a great title for my next post!" Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about the coming year. We started a new series at church last week titled "Perspectives" and I'm super excited about it. But with that excitement comes the reality that things are going to change, both outwardly and within myself. I'm excited, but I'm scared. Or maybe more so intimidated.

So like I was saying...I continue to realize things about about myself that I maybe never really acknowledged until recently. It's interesting because I wrote back in March about things that I was hopeful for in my next relationship...things that I wanted in life, in a partner, for myself and my kids. I wrote here about how I felt a calling to be something more than "just" a mom. I finally felt like I wanted to "do life" with someone. Ya'll know how much I always prided myself on being so independent (exhausting). I thought about the type of person that I wanted to go through life with...but even still, I was a little scared to admit all those things because I felt like I was so far off from "that" person that I wondered why God would bring someone like that into my life. I don't want to say that I am undeserving, but yeah that's how I felt.
I have people in my life who don't think I'm deserving too. There are people who call me a phony. People who question why I'd want to take this leap of faith. People who doubt my relationship. People who aren't "on board" with my choices. Honestly for the first time in my whole adult life, I just don't care anymore. I am tired of worrying about how other people will accept me. I'm done worrying how my relationship fits into someone else's life. I'm done worrying that my relationship will offend someone. I'm done wondering if my relationship will be awkward for someone else. I'm done doubting myself and I'm done letting other people control my choices. I'm done allowing people who don't add positivity to my life to control me from afar, manipulate my decisions, and place doubt in my mind.
I'm positive that my choices are the best ones for me and my kids. I'm confident that I am putting my kids before everything else. I have to trust that God has prepared my heart and the kids' hearts for the coming months. I trust that whatever changes occur this year God is directing us, leading us, and most importantly He has His hand on everything.