Santa Who?

My kids don't seem to have the first clue who Santa is. Lilly is convinced that Santa couldn't possibly come down the chimney and out of the fireplace because "daddy said you can't open the fireplace!" Of course they recognize him, but they have no idea what he represents, or what Santa can do for them! This poses a problem for Aaron and me because we can't threaten that Santa is watching the temper tantrum that Anderson is throwing, or watching Lilly pinching her little brother's tiny arm. I heard my cousin mention that she tells her little girl that Santa knows if she's good or bad, which helps prompt her little lady to behave! I tried it with Lilly tonight. It went something like this:

me: Lilly, Santa doesn't like it when you tell mommy no.
Lilly: Yes he does.

me: Santa watches you and Bubbs to make sure you're using manners and being polite.

Lilly: I use manners. I said no pleeeeease.

me: That's not what I mean Lilly.

Lilly: Not what I mean Lilly pleeeeeease.

me: RUDE!

Lilly: Rude pleeeeeeeeeeeeease.

me: LILLY!!!!

Lilly: Lilly pleeeeeeeeeeeeease. (followed by hysterical laughing, by both of us!)

I am defeated!

A friend from work invited the kids to go see Santa this weekend at her church. I'm worried that the kids will flip out at the sight of a shapely man in a red suit! We'll see how it goes. Wish us luck!

Keep Your Own Shit and Eat Worms

We've all heard the saying "the grass ain't always greener on the other side." After talking to my dear friend today, I got some closure on things that have been stirring up my emotions and confusing the crud out of my mind.

Me: I just feel like there's something MORE out there.

Megan: Everyone thinks the grass is greener on the other side.

Me: Exactly.

Megan: But then you get there and find that the grass is just as brown..with poop in it...and worms!
Me: So what you're saying is I should stick with my own shit and worms?

Megan: Yep, that's what I'm saying!

After polling many of my close, married friends, I'm finding that I'm not alone in the "is this IT" feeling I've been having lately. I've polled newlyweds, engaged couples, and a couple who have been married for well over ten years...and they all say the same things...there are days we all feel like there has to be something more. There are days where the monotony overwhelms us and we want to break free, but...we try to look at the big picture and realize that there's NO ONE who could replace the loves of our lives!!!

I found out yesterday that I am interviewing with the head of financial aid at Ross. This would be a "promotion" for me and the possibility of personal growth in the company, which is what interested me so much at Ross to begin with. I LOVE the job that I do now. I LOVE that I interact with the students as much as I do. I LOVE seeing the students every morning and telling them goodbye at the end of everyday. I LOVE answering the phone with my postive enthusiasm everyday. I LOVE that I'm the "go-to" person. I love that I'm the person people look to for answers. I LOVE my job. I'm a little worried that I might be looking to the other side of the fence for "greener grass." The financial aid job requires that I work at least one night until 8. It will be MUCH more work than what I take on now. I just fear that I'm looking at the other side of the fence thinking that I need something more. The money will be nice....but will I truly be happy? Should I just stick with my own shit and eat worms?

TEMPER TANTRUM TUESDAY

Some things that really yanked my chain today (what does that even MEAN?!):

1) The shower head pointing to the opposite end of the shower when I got in. Why is this necessary? You are not that tall. There is no need to point it UP. Ugh.

2) Walking in to work only to find a stack of things on my desk that clearly have been misplaced, as my desk is not "home" to these items. Ugh.

3) Laundry being folded incorrectly. REALLY? Why do my jeans need to be folded as origami art? And why are all the pants not folded and stacked together, followed by tees, tanks, and then socks and panties? I'm forced to restack the clothes for fear that I'll walk out of the house with a pair of panties stuck up the leg of my pants. It's unecessary.

4) Why can I hear you chewing? And swallowing?

5) Naps at 7pm. Why?

6) My daughter crying for nachos and telling me I'm "not her friend" because I served pasta.

7) "Boiler up" (insert eye roll)

8) Payday being less than 24 hours ago...and my ENTIRE check being gone. Thirty days until the next payday. Oy.

9) This nagging feeling that there's something more...something I'm missing. Will it go away or must I first find it? Ah, the pressure.

10) The neighborhood shrine. You drive into my addition, mistaking it for an airport runway, and come upon the only dark house in the neighborhood. That's mine!

Manic Monday

What is it about Monday? Why, other than the obvious requirement of going BACK to work, do we all hate Mondays? Have you found a person who loves Mondays? I haven't. After reflecting upon my Monday, I think I have an idea as to why this specific day stinks so much.

3:17am: Wake up to my precious Anderson knocking on his (open) door. HMMM? Put precious baby back to bed.

4:53am: "DING DING" Text from Aaron: "I love you babe!"....would be sweet, if only two hours later!

5:20am: Wake up to Anderson knocking on Lilly's (open) door, saying "hissy?" Put Anderson back to bed, after showing him that it is still dark outside. "Still night time hunny!"

5:30am: ALARM. ALARM. ALARM. ALARM. Time to get up. GRRRR!

5:34am: Anderson comes into my bathroom. We brush our teeth together. I go downstairs to get him breakfast (which he will eat on a towel, in my bedroom, while I shower!).

6am: Send Anderson into wake Lilly (hissy) up.

6:10am: Get two babies into tub, washed, and dressed. Feed Lilly (on aforementioned towel, on bedroom floor).

7am: Time to go downstairs. Pack my lunch. Get coats on the kids.

7:15am: Out the door, head to daycare/school, and then work.

And this is just a typical Monday MORNING. I won't even go into the work day, for the sake of keeping my job! LOL!

The trick is to figure out a way to make Mondays more tolerable and less manic. Do those two days of the weekend REALLY throw our routine out of whack THAT much? Here's to tomorrow! Thank God for TUESDAYS (?!)!!!!!!

Catching up...

It's been quite some time since the last post, so after reading my brothers' blogs about their daily-blog-vow, I've decided to play catch up!

Last time I blogged, I had just found out I got hired at Ross Medical Education. I believe the word I used was "bittersweet" when describing my feelings about starting a new job. Well, I can honestly say that I LOVE my job. I know I'm a rare breed for saying that and actually meaning it, but I do. I love my job! I have great co-workers, I enjoy the work I do, and I see the potential for personal growth within the company, which is encouraging! I have moments where I miss being at home with the kids. I almost ALWAYS wish I could be hanging out in my jammies rather than work clothes. And I am hating the eighteen pounds I've put on due to my daily morning stops at McDonalds (kidding!). But all in all, I LOVE that I'm back in the workforce!

The kids are enrolled at a fulltime preschool, which they both seem to love. Of course they have had their minor "incidents" at school--- for Lilly it was being defiant at naptime, just completely refusing to sleep; for Anderson it has been the occasional "nibble" on a friend's finger during a daily buggie ride, or the week where he insisted on rolling off his cot at naptime rather than take a nap....with those MINOR, hardly mention-worthy events, all seems to be going smoothly. Anderson is learning his ABC's, can count in German to 88 (okay, only partially true...he can now SAY the word "German" and has almost mastered the word "eight"). The kids have been lucky enough to meet some great new friends, and it's so adorable to see them interact with other kids!

Aaron moved back to Indiana this past Thursday. He has over 140 days of sobriety under him. I'm SO proud of him! He is still looking for work in Fort Wayne, and we're hopeful that he'll find something soon.


The past five and a half months have been a complete whirlwind. I've had days where I've hated Aaron, and days where I was begging him to come home! I've had days where I thought I'd lose my mind because of my kids, and days where I would have been lost without them. I've been attending Sonrise United Methodist Church with the kids since June. We love it and I've met some really neat people!
I'm not saying things have been easy in the past five months, but I survived. I've done things that I didn't necessarily WANT to do, but I've proven to myself that I CAN handle things ON MY OWN! Now that Aaron is home, I don't plan to change ANYTHING that the kids and I have been doing. I will not fall back into the trap of being dependent on someone! I'm happy with the growth I've made and I plan to continue growing!

Bittersweet

Well, I found out this morning that I got the job at Ross Education. Out of four hundred applicants, they chose ME! I'm honored! I'm excited to get back into the work force.

At the same time though...I'm very apprehensive about leaving my kids. They have never been to a babysitter. They've never had anyone else stay home with them throughout the day other than their mama! Of course I'm incredibly partial, but my kids are precious and the thought of someone enjoying them less than what I would just makes me sad. Of course there's a side of me that knows that this will be good for the kids. They need to be around other people, but I'm not sure I'm ready to completely immerse them into a full day daycare with snotty nosed kids just quite yet. I'm hoping to find someone in high school or college who will be able to come to MY house to watch them. I want them to have someone's full attention, someone who will enjoy being around them, someone who will play with them and be silly with them. I want the kids to have fun while I'm gone and feel like they have someone who can adore them just as much as I could. It's hard because I just don't know many "young" kids around here.

Anyhow, as much as I DON'T want to work full time and be away from the kids right now, I KNOW it's the only option we have. I know that I've been lucky enough to stay home with them for the past three years, but that life is over and it's time for things to change. It's going to be a transition that will definitely take time to get use to, but I know in the long run it'll be best for all three of us.

Many of my close friends from high school will remember a dear friend of mine from ten years ago. I met Chris at Catholic Heart Work Camp, in New Orleans, the summer before my senior year of high school. I'm not sure the exact details of how we started talking, but it was silly high school flirting. I'm sure it went something along the lines of my friends going to talk to him and his friends and then relaying messages back and forth through our friends. During the short church trip, he and I and became good friend with intentions of staying in touch even when he went back home to Carlinville, IL and I was back in Wabash. We exchanged phone numbers and addresses, thinking we were going to forever be friends!
My youth group and I got back to Wabash on July 3rd, or sometime around there. Chris and I talked a couple times. Finally on July 5th I got a call from his friend, telling me that Chris had been in a terrible diving accident and was in the hospital with little chance of ever walking again. I called my dad begging him to drive me to Carlinville, IL to see Chris! Thinking that I was probably nuts, Jere' offered to take me. We made the LONG trip to the Illinois hospital where Chris was staying. I met his family and many members from his church. I don't remember much of our visit, other than being completely depressed when I had to leave his bedside.
I recieved many different cards from members of Chris's family and also a card from his pastor telling me how delighted he was that I could visit Chris. I still have those cards. Then one day I got a letter from Chris. As part of his rehab he had to practice writing, so he wrote to me. Again, I still have that letter.
Weeks (maybe months) passed. Chris was walking, and from what I can recall, was recovering well. He came to Wabash the summer after my senior year to meet my friends (who also helped me make a home video for Chris, showing him around Wabash, etc!..so cheesy!) and we had a great time seeing each other again. Of course we promised to stay in touch, but haven't been able to REALLY talk much since we're both at such different places in our lives, but we have recently reconnected through Facebook.
Today I got a text from Chris telling me that he appreciates me being a part of his life during that tough time (I'm sure it was a text sent to many other people as well), and for the love and support I gave him. To think that ten years ago, God was working through me to help someone else is incredible. I think of all the miracles in life that I have been witness to, and I can't help but be very touched and feel extremely blessed.