We're a Catch!

As a newly single (ugh, has it REALLY been over six months?) gal, I have some darling friends who try to set me up with their friends from work, or church, or heck even their relatives. I had a friend the other day ask me why I'm always so quick to point out that I have two kids...like that I use that as a stopping point for even agreeing to meet someone.  "First off," she snapped, "of course we know you have kids! Secondly, why do you think that EVERY guy is a tool and can't handle that?!" Here's my thing, it's not that I don't think someone could handle it. It's not like my kids are delinquents (that often). I just wonder why any single kidless (normal) guy would want to mess with a pre-made family. Trust me, it's not because I don't think I'm a catch (in that I have my crap together-ish, I am independent, and am perfectly fine without someone's love and attention!) and that my kids are A-MAZ-BALLS. I just know that no one's ideal situation is to meet a girl with two kids and fall madly in love with her. Fairy tails just ain't written that way folks! Let's be honest! But something I'm learning to embrace is that anyone would be lucky to be a part of my life, and would be even luckier to be a part of my kids' lives, and it's time I show that on the outside and not just keep that bottled up in my own mind.  

Looking back, I see how easily JM left me, and even more, how easily he left the kids. Although he didn't have a responsibility to them, and he didn't owe them anything, it makes me a little sad to think that the person I honest-to-goodness thought I would MARRY (still makes my stomach hurt to admit that) walked away from my kids without so much as an explanation or a goodbye. It makes me doubt my own judgement in people. I put JM on the highest pedestal imaginable, and to think that he could walk away so easily makes me really disappointed in myself and my own judgement. It took me YEARS to even get to this point with someone since Aaron. It took me three years to get to the point that I felt someone was worth introducing to my kids and to our day-to-day lives. I have zero regrets that I let JM into that side of my world, but I would be lying if I said I don't hate him a little bit for coming in and then leaving so easily, knowing my concerns with it to begin with. 

With that said, I don't want to write off every human being with man parts just because I am currently jaded by my last relationship! The pain and the feelings from that relationship will continue to fade. My strength, confidence, and self-esteem will keep creeping higher and higher. My fears of being left, hurt, and rejected will dwindle more and more everyday. The faith I once had in men will come back, because I will learn that not all men leave, and that perhaps there is that rare breed who sees me and my kids just as we truly are. We're quite an awesome bunch, and truth be told, anyone would be lucky to be a part of OUR family. It's unfortunate that JM missed out on all that.