Bittersweet

Well, I found out this morning that I got the job at Ross Education. Out of four hundred applicants, they chose ME! I'm honored! I'm excited to get back into the work force.

At the same time though...I'm very apprehensive about leaving my kids. They have never been to a babysitter. They've never had anyone else stay home with them throughout the day other than their mama! Of course I'm incredibly partial, but my kids are precious and the thought of someone enjoying them less than what I would just makes me sad. Of course there's a side of me that knows that this will be good for the kids. They need to be around other people, but I'm not sure I'm ready to completely immerse them into a full day daycare with snotty nosed kids just quite yet. I'm hoping to find someone in high school or college who will be able to come to MY house to watch them. I want them to have someone's full attention, someone who will enjoy being around them, someone who will play with them and be silly with them. I want the kids to have fun while I'm gone and feel like they have someone who can adore them just as much as I could. It's hard because I just don't know many "young" kids around here.

Anyhow, as much as I DON'T want to work full time and be away from the kids right now, I KNOW it's the only option we have. I know that I've been lucky enough to stay home with them for the past three years, but that life is over and it's time for things to change. It's going to be a transition that will definitely take time to get use to, but I know in the long run it'll be best for all three of us.

Many of my close friends from high school will remember a dear friend of mine from ten years ago. I met Chris at Catholic Heart Work Camp, in New Orleans, the summer before my senior year of high school. I'm not sure the exact details of how we started talking, but it was silly high school flirting. I'm sure it went something along the lines of my friends going to talk to him and his friends and then relaying messages back and forth through our friends. During the short church trip, he and I and became good friend with intentions of staying in touch even when he went back home to Carlinville, IL and I was back in Wabash. We exchanged phone numbers and addresses, thinking we were going to forever be friends!
My youth group and I got back to Wabash on July 3rd, or sometime around there. Chris and I talked a couple times. Finally on July 5th I got a call from his friend, telling me that Chris had been in a terrible diving accident and was in the hospital with little chance of ever walking again. I called my dad begging him to drive me to Carlinville, IL to see Chris! Thinking that I was probably nuts, Jere' offered to take me. We made the LONG trip to the Illinois hospital where Chris was staying. I met his family and many members from his church. I don't remember much of our visit, other than being completely depressed when I had to leave his bedside.
I recieved many different cards from members of Chris's family and also a card from his pastor telling me how delighted he was that I could visit Chris. I still have those cards. Then one day I got a letter from Chris. As part of his rehab he had to practice writing, so he wrote to me. Again, I still have that letter.
Weeks (maybe months) passed. Chris was walking, and from what I can recall, was recovering well. He came to Wabash the summer after my senior year to meet my friends (who also helped me make a home video for Chris, showing him around Wabash, etc!..so cheesy!) and we had a great time seeing each other again. Of course we promised to stay in touch, but haven't been able to REALLY talk much since we're both at such different places in our lives, but we have recently reconnected through Facebook.
Today I got a text from Chris telling me that he appreciates me being a part of his life during that tough time (I'm sure it was a text sent to many other people as well), and for the love and support I gave him. To think that ten years ago, God was working through me to help someone else is incredible. I think of all the miracles in life that I have been witness to, and I can't help but be very touched and feel extremely blessed.

POP! BOOM! BANG! POP! BOOOOM! SNAP! SQUEEEEEAK!

Happy 4th! After a boomlicious week, filled with super loud firecrackers, insanely annoying pops, and midnight waking-fits performed by both of my little tots, I've been wondering...what's the fascination one has these idiotic explosives we call entertainment? Why do we get enjoyment out of seeing burning ash float down to the ground? What's the entertainment value from hearing constant booms without the aforementioned flash? My kids are still young enough where the firework spectacle is nothing more than an interruption to their soundly-sleeping innocence. To me, it's just a hassle to hear the madness, knowing that the next "POP" will surely be the one that wakes the kids to a frazzled state! Perhaps in two years I'll look forward to letting off fireworks, lighting sparklers, and watching my kids throw "snappers" at each other's feet (just as my brother always did to me!). Until then however, I'm choosing to sit in bed (wide awake, of course...how could one sleep through the war-like noises outside my bedroom windows?!) and watch the Botson Pops Fireworks Spectacular on CBS!!!! LOL!

Reference Checks

I finally got word that Ross Edu was checking my references. Relieved that they were actually calling to find out what wonderful words my chosen references would reveal about me, I got to thinking...I've got some pretty amazing people in my life who would go to bat for me in just about every aspect of my being. The people I chose to use as lifelines were not only previous supervisors (Rachael and Dick), but also two friends (Heather and Frank) whom I knew would represent me well. After all my references had been called, each person called me to relay their kind words about me. I hung up from each and every phone conversation (or voicemail, Heather!) knowing that I have built incredible friendships with people who are not necessarily in my age group (Dick and Frank), with people who's views differ from mine on many levels (Heather!), and people who I've had rough patches with in the past (Rach!)...with all that said I'm confident that I have made an impact on each person's life to the point where they'd take time from their busy evening to help promote me as a worthwhile individual and as an asset to a company.
Sometimes our own self-destructive thoughts get in the way of what our potential really is. We get caught up in creating our own definition of ourselves, failing to take the time to notice how others see us, that we limit ourselves and stunt our personal growth. So today, I vow (and hope you will too) to get out of my own way. By focusing on the good in myself, I can start to lose the self-deprecating attitude and beliefs and start seeing myself as others see me.

I read today, "Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped."

Congratulations, but ugh....

As much as I'd love to JUST be happy for my close friends who are making all these life changes, I can't help but be a little envious of them. My dear friends Shannon and Megan just recently got engaged (not to each other, but to Jason and Stephen, respectively). And while I couldn't be MORE excited for either of them, I just can't shake the feeling that while all my friends are progressing in their life, I'm regressing back to the days four years ago when I was still wondering where my place was in this giant universe. Two children, an engagement, and STILL no marriage later, I feel like I'm the only one who is standing still. With the recent changes in my life, (see previous post), I know that everything happens for a reason and I KNOW that this is all in the plan for my life...it's just kinda hard to see it when everyone else around me seems to be moving forward...namely in their relationship. Although I can accept that my life isn't a Hollywood romantic-comedy, I'm having a hard time accepting it as a monotonous screenplay.