After spending time with Aaron's family this week in Iowa, I was reminded of something... I should first say that I am, in no way, saying anything BAD about Aaron's family, but there were things I observed that I can't help but blog about.
I guess it all boils down to the fact that you don't really appreciate your family enough until you spend time with a family completely different from your own. My family is a VERY close-knit union. My mom is by far one of my best friends, as is my brother. I talk to my mom, my brother, and my sister at LEAST once a day...and truth be told, I actually talk to my mom probably 94385948 times a day! (If my kids EVER call me as much as my brother and I call my mom I'll shoot myself! hahahaha!) I guess that the relationship I have with my family could be considered an abnormality to some, but to me, my mom is basically all I've ever been able to count on in my life, especially as stability is concerned. (Sure we've had our issues, but what mother/daughter hasn't?) My point is that when you look at the makeup of someone else's family, especially the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with, you just wonder if they're missing out on the bond that families SHOULD have with each other.
Example 1: Aaron and his mom talk...rarely, but more now than before. And of course, I wasn't around to see how Aaron grew up, but from what I hear from him, Aaron never really had a strong MATERNAL influence in his life. And I guess I noticed that, when the first time I met his mom, the first comments about her ONLY grandchild (my Lilly) was "Oh look, I've still got it. I can hold my wine and a baby at the same time." And although she may have been joking, I found it incredible tacky and almost insulting. Again, I'm not talking badly about Aaron's mom, but it's hard for me to understand how someone can come into town, (since she lives in MN and only makes it to IN probably four times a year, sometimes more), and not WANT to see her only grandchild, but yet has ample time to gamble and drink while in town. I guess it's just such a clash with what I'm used to with MY mom, who goes INSANE if she can't see Lilly EVERY week.
Example 2: While in Iowa this past week, Aaron's uncle arranged for two of his aunts and uncles, along with his grandparents, to come over for dinner so that they could all see Lilly, since they haven't seen her since she was three months old....although, I should mention that I have emailed pictures to those relative whose email address I have (even though I've NEVER heard a response from ANY of them). I'm not saying that Aaron and I EXPECTED any attention from the family, we're pretty used to the fact that people want to see LILLY, and we're okay with that....BUT, I was a little taken back by the fact that NO ONE in his family has a CLUE what Aaron and I are up to in our lives. No one knows what Aaron does for a living, no one knows what I do, no one knows ANYTHING about Lilly (such as her middle name, her bday, etc...)...and no one really took the time to find out.
The thing that REALLY bugs me is that Matt (Aaron's brother) warned me that there MAY be a conversation as to why Lilly doesn't have the Scudder name. (Apparently, "Grandpa" mentioned to Aaron's MOM that it was WRONG that I didn't give Lilly the Scudder name...and instead of saying anything to AARON, she told Matt, whatever!). Of course, "Grandpa" is a little "out there" in his older days and tends to fly off the handle about ANYTHING at ANYTIME! I must admit that I was a LITTLE frightened, due to my emotional state (pregnant, duh!) that I'd break down or LASH out, neither of which I wanted to do in front of Aaron's family!!!!! Although we avoided the topic of the last name, it DID get me thinking later that night....
When has ANY of Aaron's family (with the exception of his sister, whom we talk to often..and adore) called HIM to see how HE is? When have ANY of them (again, with the exception of his sister) called to see how LILLY is doing? I sent EVERY SINGLE one of them an invitation to her first birthday, knowing of course they wouldn't make the drive to IN, understandably, but NEVER heard back from ANY of them saying that they couldn't make it...or even a BIRTHDAY CARD IN THE MAIL FOR LILLY! It just BLOWS me away that these people have the nerve to comment AT ALL about Lilly's last name, the fact that I'm not working, the fact that Aaron's working at a bar, etc....I HONESTLY felt like crying for the fact that Aaron's family is NOT at all what family SHOULD be. The only person, I feel, who even gives a damn about him is his sister. I'm not saying that my family is perfect, Lord knows we're far from it, but the thing about my family is that we're THERE for each other. We KNOW what the other is doing, and we CARE to keep up with each other. I know that NO MATTER WHAT I can count on my mom and dad, my brothers and sister...even my grandparents and my aunts and uncles.
Although my family relationships may be odd to some, I know that my kids will ALWAYS feel the same way I do about family. It's the most important aspect of my life. I can't imagine my definition of family being anything but what it is now. And although perhaps intimidating at first, I think that Aaron now sees WHY my family is as close as we are....and he has accepted that this is how our children will be raised. The kids will see their grandma and grandpas and uncles and aunts as much as they can....and hopefully it'll be as normal to them as it has been for me. I love that it's now AARON asking if we can go to Chicago to see my brothers, or to Wabash on Sundays to see my mom and my sister. I love that he now knows what family life is supposed to be like.
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