If you're a new mother you are COMPLETELY going to understand my frustrations on this topic....Why is it that EVERY new mom and dad HAS to compare his/her child to YOUR child? I'm sorry, but this is ONE thing I swore I'd never do. I had my daughter around the same time as TWO of my cousins on my dad's side and similar times as my uncle and aunt on my mom's side, (follow that?).
My uncle and his wife chose to wait until they were in their mid/late 30's until they had a child. Aaron and I obviously are ten years younger than them and aren't married (yet!). But for SOME reason, it has been a constant comparison from the day I found out I was pregnant up to this very day! They live out of state so we rarely get the girls together, who, by the way, are four and half months different in age (my daughter being younger!). So this past Friday we got together for dinner. It was the first time we've all been together since their daughter's first birthday, which was in January.
Aaron decided to stay home because he cannot STAND the way we are treated when we're around them. Sure, we're young and we PROBABLY should have waited....but we didn't and the reality is that we have a GORGEOUS little daughter and we wouldn't do ANYTHING to change it...no matter how young or broke or unmarried (hahaha!) we are! They walk in the door and the FIRST thing I hear is "OH MY GOSH, LOOK HOW BIG SHE IS!" Yes, my daughter IS in the 60th percentile for weight....SO!??!?! She's healthy!!! I looked over at my mom after hearing this and gave her "THE" look....She just laughed, knowing what was about to come of the dinner conversation.
We took our seats at the designated table and I heard, "Gretchen, does she eat food? What do you feed her? Is she still eating baby food?" UGH! "Yes, she eats about five things of baby food a day." Knowing this was going to be the "WRONG" thing to do, I just sat back and prepared myself for the lecture..."OH REALLY? THAT MUCH? Gracie doesn't eat any baby food anymore. She hates the texture. I think it's the texture. She'll eat my granola bar and my apples, but not baby food." That's nice, I wanted to say. "I give her a lot of yogurt. Have you tried giving her yogurt?" Seriously. This lady! Then I heard, "Can she drink out of a cup yet?" "A sippy cup you mean? Yeah, she does that." "OH NO! I mean a REAL cup. Can't she drink out of a REAL cup yet? That's Gracie's big thing. She's been doing that for awhile. She was probably Lilly's age or younger. I'm sure Lilly should be doing that." LADY! UGH! Let it go, Gretch! Let it go!
My mom probably has bruises on her shin from all the under-the-table kicking I did to her throughout the duration of the dinner. Trying to keep the conversation AWAY from the girls I tried talking to my uncle about different things...however EVERYTHING kept going back to what Gracie was doing that Lilly wasn't....You know, I can take a LOT of bragging from parents, but THIS was annoying. I wanted to blurt out "MY CHILD HAS BEEN CRAWLING SINCE SHE WAS FIVE MONTHS OLD. YOUR CHILD DIDN'T START CRAWLING UNTIL AFTER HER FIRST BIRTHDAY! MY CHILD WAS LITERALLY CRAWLING CIRCLES AROUND YOUR BABY AT HER FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY! MY CHILD HAS BEEN SPEAKING FOUR OR FIVE DIFFERENT WORDS FOR MONTHS. I'VE YET TO HEAR YOUR DAUGHTER BLURT A SOUND FROM HER PRECIOUS LITTLE MOUTH! MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN STANDING AND WALKING AROUND THINGS SINCE SHE WAS SEVEN MONTHS OLD AND YOUR DAUGHTER HASN'T EVEN FIGURED OUT HOW TO STAND UP WITH HELP. AND BY THE WAY, FOR HAVING A LOT OF MONEY, YOU DON'T DRESS YOUR DAUGHTER THAT WELL!" But I didn't, for fear my mom would KILL me.
It's just annoying. I mentioned to my uncle that Lilly just learned a new word, DUCK! What do I hear, "OH WE KNOW DUCK. SAY DUCK GRACIE, DUCK. DUCK. DUCK." By the confused look on Gracie's face she hadn't even HEARD the word, let alone said it!
I just don't understand why EVERYTHING has to be such a competition. Your child is over FOUR months OLDER than my daughter. I don't CARE what your daughter is doing---even if it's something MY daughter's NOT doing. She'll do it-- probably in four months, like she SHOULD be doing it. I promised myself a LONG time ago that I wouldn't be "that" mom....If there's something she SHOULD be doing that she's NOT, I'll admit it. If there's something she's doing that seems "early" for her age, I'll keep it to myself and NOT go about the town ranting and raving about how damn brilliant my child is! C'mon people! They're KIDS. They're going to do things at DIFFERENT times.
Like Aaron tells me though...this isn't about the girls. This is about parenting. They're older than we are and sometimes I think we're doing things just as well, if not better, than they are. We don't have nearly the money (and therefore the resources) that they have, but Lilly is developing just fine.
It's times like these I just look at the people around me (Aaron, my mom, my brothers, my sister, etc...) and can't help but feel completely blessed for the love and support Lilly and I get.
3 comments:
Every parent feels in their heart that their child is the cutest, smartest, and most developed child ever. You just have to take comfort knowing that you raise your daughter the best way you know how. With love and support from you and Aaron and your family. Every child is different.
next time tell her that lilly has a pen pal in london and that sometimes she and amelia webcam and speak to each other in french. that'll shut her up. well done for not being that kind of parent.
um, i still need to meet her!
I give you a lot of credit for not "playing their games". You are the bigger person (wheather they're 10 years older or not...you were the adult) You're right...too many parents make their children the center of competition. Do you know why? It's b/c of their own insecurities as not only parents but as individuals in general. People who are insecure, always feel like they have something to prove. Ignore them. I do! They have to feel validated in some weird way...so by setting the pretences that they are "great parents" must make them "great people" right??? Lilly is a very lucky little girl to have you two as parents. She has the most important thing you could EVER offer a child...LOVE. She's very well taken care of, loved, and nurtured. You should be VERY proud of yourself. And guess what...my son still can't drink out of a cup without spilling it all over the place and he's three! So there!
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