Can the lyrics to a song truly tug on your heart strings to the point that you are willing to change your whole life? Can the same mentioned song really provide insight to what else is out there? Does it provide a valid case for reality? Or are songs like movies? Do they set out to remind us of what SHOULD be, but isn't?
Something to ponder, I suppose.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Changes
It seems there's been a recent tornado of change swirling right in the middle of my being and all I can do is hold on and hope things twist out the way they're intended. With my recent decision to go back to school comes a lot of stress that I never imagined. After a mid-May event (that I'll keep private!), I decided that the only way I was ever going to be prepared for things in my life (or BETTER prepared) was to start taking things into my OWN hands and not be so reliant on other people.
So for that reason, along with others, I decided to finish up my degree at IPFW. Although I was completely apprehensive about going back to school at the age of 26, I have adjusted nicely (although tiredly) and have actually met a few good people in my classes whom I already consider "good" friends. I've heard from many people in my family how proud they are of me for going back and it just worries me that maybe I let them down in the past when I DIDN'T finish, and for that, I'm disappointed in myself. However, it's time to look towards the future and stop reflecting on the past.
I've definitely done things in my life chronologically-backwards but I can HONESTLY say that there's nothing in my life I would change up to this point. I'm truly starting to realize that everything happens for a reason. There have been people in my life who I never imagined being there. There are those who are NOT in my life, who I could have never imagined life without. However, I'm a better person today than I've ever been before. Sure there are so many changes left to be made, but knowing that I now have goals and aspirations, I'm confident that my life is headed for greatness.
This isn't just about going back to school. For me, this is about taking the role of being a mother, and doing whatever physically, mentally, and emotionally necessary to achieve perfection for my children. I honestly can say that I now know that "mother's intuition" is a completely accurate and real trait. It's not one of those things that you either have or don't have. When you're a mother, a MOM, you just have it, and there's nothing you'd do to get rid of it.
So for that reason, along with others, I decided to finish up my degree at IPFW. Although I was completely apprehensive about going back to school at the age of 26, I have adjusted nicely (although tiredly) and have actually met a few good people in my classes whom I already consider "good" friends. I've heard from many people in my family how proud they are of me for going back and it just worries me that maybe I let them down in the past when I DIDN'T finish, and for that, I'm disappointed in myself. However, it's time to look towards the future and stop reflecting on the past.
I've definitely done things in my life chronologically-backwards but I can HONESTLY say that there's nothing in my life I would change up to this point. I'm truly starting to realize that everything happens for a reason. There have been people in my life who I never imagined being there. There are those who are NOT in my life, who I could have never imagined life without. However, I'm a better person today than I've ever been before. Sure there are so many changes left to be made, but knowing that I now have goals and aspirations, I'm confident that my life is headed for greatness.
This isn't just about going back to school. For me, this is about taking the role of being a mother, and doing whatever physically, mentally, and emotionally necessary to achieve perfection for my children. I honestly can say that I now know that "mother's intuition" is a completely accurate and real trait. It's not one of those things that you either have or don't have. When you're a mother, a MOM, you just have it, and there's nothing you'd do to get rid of it.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Can't ever prepare for something like this...
"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."
A couple weeks ago, my mom sent me an email with a few fitting quotes for the type of day I had been having. Above is one of those quotes, and hopefully today my mom will read it and know that I'm sending it HER way because I know she needs it just as much as I did.
My grandma is very sick. Most of us didn't think she'd still be here today, but thankfully she's still holding on. Perhaps it's selfish of me to be grateful that she is still here, I don't know? I know she's not happy. She's in a lot of pain. And worse of all, she's scared. I never want her to suffer, but I don't want her to leave me either.
Grandma Anglin isn't your typical grandma. Of course she always had the cookie jar filled, like everyone's grandma did, but that aside, she was so much more than most grandmas. (I use past tense because of the state that she's now in--- she's not the Grandma we grew up knowing, and I don't mean that in a negative way...just, things are different now.) Our grandma cared deeply about our every need. She made sure we had everything we could possibly need (or NOT need!). She was the social butterfly of Wabash.
I remember my Grandpa and her taking Adam and I downtown to the Sweet Shop. Not only were we lucky because of the "green rivers" the Sweet Shop served, but also because we were in the spotlight because we were with Bob and Donna Anglin! Everyone knew them and loved them. What was there NOT to love about Donna!?
I remember taking my middle school friends (the 7Up Gang, yeah, that's right!) to their house to swim every summer. Grandma would come out and just chat it up with each and every girl to be sure that we had everything we needed to have a great time at her house. She never turned away anyone! The more the merrier was her motto when it came to having visitors!
My memories of Grandma are endless. And like my mom, I just pray to God that I remember them forever. I look back now at our days with her before she got sick and just try to grasp onto those memories of what she was wearing, saying, doing, etc... Sure she was goofy at times, and sure she was sometimes embarrassing, but that's what made her "Grandma"! I can't imagine her any other way!
I'm very blessed that Lilly knows her GiGi. It sickens me to know that Anderson will never know her like Lilly got to. I think back to when I found out I was pregnant with Lilly. Grandma knew LONG before Grandpa did and the best thing about it was that I never felt judged by her. Grandma, whether she meant it or not, always put on a happy face when she talked to me about being pregnant. I'll never forget what she told me near the end of my pregnancy...."Hunny, enjoy being pregnant. It's a lot easier to raise them in there than it is out here!" (Boy was she right!) I'm not sure how much of GiGi Lilly will remember, but I know it's my duty to carry her legacy on. It's my duty to remind Lilly how much her GiGi loved her, how much she loved when she backed her little butt up to Grandma, and how many times she made Grandpa take her to WalMart to buy dolls for her house so Lilly had something to play with. Even now, in the state Grandma is in, she asks about "her Lilly". I pray that Lilly's visits help Grandma to be at peace with her life.
If I could let Grandma know anything, I'd tell her what an incredible job she did raising her daughters....I'd tell her that I'm so lucky to have a mom like I do and an aunt like I do. I'd thank her for showing MY mom how to be an amazing mother. I'm scared to death at how my family will adapt without Grandma, but I know we'll survive because my grandparents instilled the value of family in us.
So Mom, just know that we'll always remember everything about Grandma. She's been such an influential person in our lives, how could we ever forget? Be grateful that we lived so close to them and we had the chance to see them as often as we did, for we have memories that no one could even imagine having. And even when she's not here for us to see, smell, or hold, she'll always be in our hearts.
I love you Mom.
A couple weeks ago, my mom sent me an email with a few fitting quotes for the type of day I had been having. Above is one of those quotes, and hopefully today my mom will read it and know that I'm sending it HER way because I know she needs it just as much as I did.
My grandma is very sick. Most of us didn't think she'd still be here today, but thankfully she's still holding on. Perhaps it's selfish of me to be grateful that she is still here, I don't know? I know she's not happy. She's in a lot of pain. And worse of all, she's scared. I never want her to suffer, but I don't want her to leave me either.
Grandma Anglin isn't your typical grandma. Of course she always had the cookie jar filled, like everyone's grandma did, but that aside, she was so much more than most grandmas. (I use past tense because of the state that she's now in--- she's not the Grandma we grew up knowing, and I don't mean that in a negative way...just, things are different now.) Our grandma cared deeply about our every need. She made sure we had everything we could possibly need (or NOT need!). She was the social butterfly of Wabash.
I remember my Grandpa and her taking Adam and I downtown to the Sweet Shop. Not only were we lucky because of the "green rivers" the Sweet Shop served, but also because we were in the spotlight because we were with Bob and Donna Anglin! Everyone knew them and loved them. What was there NOT to love about Donna!?
I remember taking my middle school friends (the 7Up Gang, yeah, that's right!) to their house to swim every summer. Grandma would come out and just chat it up with each and every girl to be sure that we had everything we needed to have a great time at her house. She never turned away anyone! The more the merrier was her motto when it came to having visitors!
My memories of Grandma are endless. And like my mom, I just pray to God that I remember them forever. I look back now at our days with her before she got sick and just try to grasp onto those memories of what she was wearing, saying, doing, etc... Sure she was goofy at times, and sure she was sometimes embarrassing, but that's what made her "Grandma"! I can't imagine her any other way!
I'm very blessed that Lilly knows her GiGi. It sickens me to know that Anderson will never know her like Lilly got to. I think back to when I found out I was pregnant with Lilly. Grandma knew LONG before Grandpa did and the best thing about it was that I never felt judged by her. Grandma, whether she meant it or not, always put on a happy face when she talked to me about being pregnant. I'll never forget what she told me near the end of my pregnancy...."Hunny, enjoy being pregnant. It's a lot easier to raise them in there than it is out here!" (Boy was she right!) I'm not sure how much of GiGi Lilly will remember, but I know it's my duty to carry her legacy on. It's my duty to remind Lilly how much her GiGi loved her, how much she loved when she backed her little butt up to Grandma, and how many times she made Grandpa take her to WalMart to buy dolls for her house so Lilly had something to play with. Even now, in the state Grandma is in, she asks about "her Lilly". I pray that Lilly's visits help Grandma to be at peace with her life.
If I could let Grandma know anything, I'd tell her what an incredible job she did raising her daughters....I'd tell her that I'm so lucky to have a mom like I do and an aunt like I do. I'd thank her for showing MY mom how to be an amazing mother. I'm scared to death at how my family will adapt without Grandma, but I know we'll survive because my grandparents instilled the value of family in us.
So Mom, just know that we'll always remember everything about Grandma. She's been such an influential person in our lives, how could we ever forget? Be grateful that we lived so close to them and we had the chance to see them as often as we did, for we have memories that no one could even imagine having. And even when she's not here for us to see, smell, or hold, she'll always be in our hearts.
I love you Mom.
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