If you're a new mother you are COMPLETELY going to understand my frustrations on this topic....Why is it that EVERY new mom and dad HAS to compare his/her child to YOUR child? I'm sorry, but this is ONE thing I swore I'd never do. I had my daughter around the same time as TWO of my cousins on my dad's side and similar times as my uncle and aunt on my mom's side, (follow that?).
My uncle and his wife chose to wait until they were in their mid/late 30's until they had a child. Aaron and I obviously are ten years younger than them and aren't married (yet!). But for SOME reason, it has been a constant comparison from the day I found out I was pregnant up to this very day! They live out of state so we rarely get the girls together, who, by the way, are four and half months different in age (my daughter being younger!). So this past Friday we got together for dinner. It was the first time we've all been together since their daughter's first birthday, which was in January.
Aaron decided to stay home because he cannot STAND the way we are treated when we're around them. Sure, we're young and we PROBABLY should have waited....but we didn't and the reality is that we have a GORGEOUS little daughter and we wouldn't do ANYTHING to change it...no matter how young or broke or unmarried (hahaha!) we are! They walk in the door and the FIRST thing I hear is "OH MY GOSH, LOOK HOW BIG SHE IS!" Yes, my daughter IS in the 60th percentile for weight....SO!??!?! She's healthy!!! I looked over at my mom after hearing this and gave her "THE" look....She just laughed, knowing what was about to come of the dinner conversation.
We took our seats at the designated table and I heard, "Gretchen, does she eat food? What do you feed her? Is she still eating baby food?" UGH! "Yes, she eats about five things of baby food a day." Knowing this was going to be the "WRONG" thing to do, I just sat back and prepared myself for the lecture..."OH REALLY? THAT MUCH? Gracie doesn't eat any baby food anymore. She hates the texture. I think it's the texture. She'll eat my granola bar and my apples, but not baby food." That's nice, I wanted to say. "I give her a lot of yogurt. Have you tried giving her yogurt?" Seriously. This lady! Then I heard, "Can she drink out of a cup yet?" "A sippy cup you mean? Yeah, she does that." "OH NO! I mean a REAL cup. Can't she drink out of a REAL cup yet? That's Gracie's big thing. She's been doing that for awhile. She was probably Lilly's age or younger. I'm sure Lilly should be doing that." LADY! UGH! Let it go, Gretch! Let it go!
My mom probably has bruises on her shin from all the under-the-table kicking I did to her throughout the duration of the dinner. Trying to keep the conversation AWAY from the girls I tried talking to my uncle about different things...however EVERYTHING kept going back to what Gracie was doing that Lilly wasn't....You know, I can take a LOT of bragging from parents, but THIS was annoying. I wanted to blurt out "MY CHILD HAS BEEN CRAWLING SINCE SHE WAS FIVE MONTHS OLD. YOUR CHILD DIDN'T START CRAWLING UNTIL AFTER HER FIRST BIRTHDAY! MY CHILD WAS LITERALLY CRAWLING CIRCLES AROUND YOUR BABY AT HER FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY! MY CHILD HAS BEEN SPEAKING FOUR OR FIVE DIFFERENT WORDS FOR MONTHS. I'VE YET TO HEAR YOUR DAUGHTER BLURT A SOUND FROM HER PRECIOUS LITTLE MOUTH! MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN STANDING AND WALKING AROUND THINGS SINCE SHE WAS SEVEN MONTHS OLD AND YOUR DAUGHTER HASN'T EVEN FIGURED OUT HOW TO STAND UP WITH HELP. AND BY THE WAY, FOR HAVING A LOT OF MONEY, YOU DON'T DRESS YOUR DAUGHTER THAT WELL!" But I didn't, for fear my mom would KILL me.
It's just annoying. I mentioned to my uncle that Lilly just learned a new word, DUCK! What do I hear, "OH WE KNOW DUCK. SAY DUCK GRACIE, DUCK. DUCK. DUCK." By the confused look on Gracie's face she hadn't even HEARD the word, let alone said it!
I just don't understand why EVERYTHING has to be such a competition. Your child is over FOUR months OLDER than my daughter. I don't CARE what your daughter is doing---even if it's something MY daughter's NOT doing. She'll do it-- probably in four months, like she SHOULD be doing it. I promised myself a LONG time ago that I wouldn't be "that" mom....If there's something she SHOULD be doing that she's NOT, I'll admit it. If there's something she's doing that seems "early" for her age, I'll keep it to myself and NOT go about the town ranting and raving about how damn brilliant my child is! C'mon people! They're KIDS. They're going to do things at DIFFERENT times.
Like Aaron tells me though...this isn't about the girls. This is about parenting. They're older than we are and sometimes I think we're doing things just as well, if not better, than they are. We don't have nearly the money (and therefore the resources) that they have, but Lilly is developing just fine.
It's times like these I just look at the people around me (Aaron, my mom, my brothers, my sister, etc...) and can't help but feel completely blessed for the love and support Lilly and I get.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Reality of Today's World...scary
I spent Friday night with my family back home and it was there that I realized that I have some hard ass family members who, in my opinion, lack a heart! My lovely Uncle Phil is the TOUGHEST critic you'll ever meet in your lifetime. He loves his family, but beyond that, don't expect a loving embrace!
We somehow got on the topic of the recent events at Virginia Tech. Sure, I'm female and perhaps as a mother I have sympathetic feelings that some men may not understand...I say this only because I've recently heard Aaron complain about the constant coverage of the Virginia Tech massacre on MSNBC and Headline News, but SOMEWHERE in your being you HAVE to have compassion for these people and the friends and family of those who have lost someone in this tragedy.
My uncle, however, is not one of these people. He can't understand why the Kalamazoo campus is holding prayer vigils....or why people in California, Michigan, New Hampshire, Indiana, etc are upset about this horrific event. My response to him was, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" I kept asking him "what if it was YOUR child who got hurt," or "what if it was the campus where YOUR child attended?"...."Would you care THEN?"....And of course he said he would, but I guess it just got me thinking.....What have I done? Why would I bring a child into THIS world? Into THIS mess? Into THIS chaos? What right do I have to bring an innocent, unharmed human being into THIS kind of life and tragedy?
It doesn't matter WHAT Aaron or I do to TRY to protect our daughter for what is the reality of this world....danger is EVERYWHERE. It's in the small rural areas, it's in the large metropolis areas, it's EVERYWHERE. There is NO safe place anymore. And it's so sad to admit that, but it's so true.
Do I plan on smothering my daughter and holding her hostage in my house, of course not. But it DOES make me think twice about allowing her to do the simple things that I, as a young child, was allowed to do. Sure, I have plenty of time to worry about her growing into a teenager and such, but I think back to how things were even four years ago and wonder what the next four or eight years hold for this world. It's a scary scary thought...but again...this is the reality of today's world.
We somehow got on the topic of the recent events at Virginia Tech. Sure, I'm female and perhaps as a mother I have sympathetic feelings that some men may not understand...I say this only because I've recently heard Aaron complain about the constant coverage of the Virginia Tech massacre on MSNBC and Headline News, but SOMEWHERE in your being you HAVE to have compassion for these people and the friends and family of those who have lost someone in this tragedy.
My uncle, however, is not one of these people. He can't understand why the Kalamazoo campus is holding prayer vigils....or why people in California, Michigan, New Hampshire, Indiana, etc are upset about this horrific event. My response to him was, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" I kept asking him "what if it was YOUR child who got hurt," or "what if it was the campus where YOUR child attended?"...."Would you care THEN?"....And of course he said he would, but I guess it just got me thinking.....What have I done? Why would I bring a child into THIS world? Into THIS mess? Into THIS chaos? What right do I have to bring an innocent, unharmed human being into THIS kind of life and tragedy?
It doesn't matter WHAT Aaron or I do to TRY to protect our daughter for what is the reality of this world....danger is EVERYWHERE. It's in the small rural areas, it's in the large metropolis areas, it's EVERYWHERE. There is NO safe place anymore. And it's so sad to admit that, but it's so true.
Do I plan on smothering my daughter and holding her hostage in my house, of course not. But it DOES make me think twice about allowing her to do the simple things that I, as a young child, was allowed to do. Sure, I have plenty of time to worry about her growing into a teenager and such, but I think back to how things were even four years ago and wonder what the next four or eight years hold for this world. It's a scary scary thought...but again...this is the reality of today's world.
Friday, April 6, 2007
Weekly Annoyances (2)
I'm trying to vent my weekly annoyances the best way that I know how, which is by writing and hoping that you all will read and agree with me about them! So, this week they are:
1) American Idol. I can't even say anything more about it, other than GO GINA, SELL THE HELL OUTTA YOUR ALBUM THAT WE ALL KNOW YOU WILL MAKE!
2) Snow. Seriously, in April.
3) Friends who keep putting in their two cents about your relationship even when they know you're not going to listen to their advice. Sure, friends are suppose to be honest with you, but they're also suppose to know when you've heard enough.
4) Cheating husbands. I went out Tuesday afternoon to have a few cocktails, only to be hit on by a MARRIED MAN. SCUM BAG. Honestly. EW!
5) IHOP. I don't understand the fixation people, drunk people especially, have with that damn place. It's sticky. The eggs are runny. And more than HALF the staff is missing three or more of their front teeth. Ew.
6) Teething babies! We've been using the "teething" excuse long enough I think. Lilly's top two teeth STILL aren't in, although she STILL seems to have traces of Lucifer in her eyes. Perhaps our little darling is, in fact, just spoiled rotten.
7) Gas prices. $2.85. What the hell? I'd walk, but it's too damn cold....and in reality, even if it was warm, I still wouldn't walk! What am I talking about?!
8) Grey's Anatomy reruns. Why is it that just because it's "Spring Break" time, the rest of the working world has to miss out on NEW episodes of Grey's while the little school-aged kids and their parents can go to Orlando? BULLSHIT!
Until next week....
1) American Idol. I can't even say anything more about it, other than GO GINA, SELL THE HELL OUTTA YOUR ALBUM THAT WE ALL KNOW YOU WILL MAKE!
2) Snow. Seriously, in April.
3) Friends who keep putting in their two cents about your relationship even when they know you're not going to listen to their advice. Sure, friends are suppose to be honest with you, but they're also suppose to know when you've heard enough.
4) Cheating husbands. I went out Tuesday afternoon to have a few cocktails, only to be hit on by a MARRIED MAN. SCUM BAG. Honestly. EW!
5) IHOP. I don't understand the fixation people, drunk people especially, have with that damn place. It's sticky. The eggs are runny. And more than HALF the staff is missing three or more of their front teeth. Ew.
6) Teething babies! We've been using the "teething" excuse long enough I think. Lilly's top two teeth STILL aren't in, although she STILL seems to have traces of Lucifer in her eyes. Perhaps our little darling is, in fact, just spoiled rotten.
7) Gas prices. $2.85. What the hell? I'd walk, but it's too damn cold....and in reality, even if it was warm, I still wouldn't walk! What am I talking about?!
8) Grey's Anatomy reruns. Why is it that just because it's "Spring Break" time, the rest of the working world has to miss out on NEW episodes of Grey's while the little school-aged kids and their parents can go to Orlando? BULLSHIT!
Until next week....
Getting through it...
I'm not sure that it's entirely MY place to write this blog, but...I'm going to! Recently I found out that a not-so-close friend of mine is going through a tough time in her life. She feels as though she's all alone and that she's going through something that maybe wasn't supposed to "happen" to her. I am positive that I'm correct in saying that we've ALL felt this way at one time or another in our lives. For me, it was when I found out that I was expecting a child! Oh LORD did I feel like I was going through the most foreign experience that a person could ever go through! Of course I KNEW people who were pregnant or who had babies, but NOT ME! This was NOT going to "happen" to ME, I thought!
My only words of advice to this "friend" are these: First off, you're NOT alone. You have a WORLD of support. There are TONS of people, close to you or not, who believe in you and your ability to get through this. You will make the best decision for YOU and your life...because you have your faith in God. Secondly, read the book "The Purpose Driven Life."
I found this quote the DAY I found out I was pregnant. I had been reading the book "The Purpose Driven Life," even though I wasn't exactly living the life that I "should" have been living. But how ironic that the DAY I found out I was pregnant I would read these following words:
"While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children. Many children are unplanned by their parents, but they are not unplanned by God. God's purpose took into account human error, and even sin. God never does anything accidentally, and He never makes mistakes. He has a reason for EVERYTHING He creates."
You WILL make it through this. And you will make the right decision. You will grow to LOVE your decision, and through it all you will have people to love and support you...
My only words of advice to this "friend" are these: First off, you're NOT alone. You have a WORLD of support. There are TONS of people, close to you or not, who believe in you and your ability to get through this. You will make the best decision for YOU and your life...because you have your faith in God. Secondly, read the book "The Purpose Driven Life."
I found this quote the DAY I found out I was pregnant. I had been reading the book "The Purpose Driven Life," even though I wasn't exactly living the life that I "should" have been living. But how ironic that the DAY I found out I was pregnant I would read these following words:
"While there are illegitimate parents, there are no illegitimate children. Many children are unplanned by their parents, but they are not unplanned by God. God's purpose took into account human error, and even sin. God never does anything accidentally, and He never makes mistakes. He has a reason for EVERYTHING He creates."
You WILL make it through this. And you will make the right decision. You will grow to LOVE your decision, and through it all you will have people to love and support you...
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