We've had our (my) house on the market since late fall. Sure, the timing of listing was probably lousy but I think I was just so excited to be taking the next step in my relationship with Charlie that I just jumped in, full force. (And my patient husband is pretty much always supportive of my crazy decisions, no matter the timing, that he didn't object either.) Well almost five months, twenty-some showings, and a few shed tears later the house is still on the market. Tonight I sit here reflecting on some of my first memories of my house...and it hurts my soul to think someone else doesn't love it as much as I do.
You may remember my crazy house debacle a few years back. You can read about it here and here. But once I got settled into my house, it truly became my home. I have lived in this house for more than half of Lilly's life and for most of Anderson's. I have had a first date with my future husband in this house. I have come back to this house as a newlywed. I have sent kids off to first days of school in this house. I have celebrated birthdays of my kids and my cousin and my self in this house. I got ready for my wedding day, in this house.
This house is the first major thing I did after Aaron moved to MN...it was the first step to my independence. It provided the security and the stability that my children so craved and deserved in their very young lives. The sense of pride I had in buying this house, completely on my own, is something I'm not sure I'll ever be able to top. I made changes almost immediately after I moved in...some I maybe regret (read: grass green walls in the dining room), but just knowing that this house was mine and I could do whatever I wanted to it..! My heart and soul is painted, landscaped, and decorated throughout- top to bottom, inside and out. I made this house my home.
As I sit here tonight, devastated that a couple who looked at it for a third time found flaws in it, I struggle with seeing God's plan for my family. I've wanted so badly to sell this house and be able to "start fresh" somewhere as a family of four. I question our motives in selling. I doubt the walls that have held my life together for the past four years. I hold on to a very small sliver of hope that "the right" family will come along and fall madly in love with the place we call home. And yes, I realize how incredibly selfish this all seems...thanks be to God that we have a lovely home that keeps us safe and warm. Tonight I will cling to that thought, over and over, and think of those who are selling their home because they HAVE to, and not just because they choose to. Amen amen amen.
