One Day At A Time

I woke up early this morning and was looking back through old Facebook posts. I came across two things from late 2009, early 2010. The first was a Rick Warren quote that my old worship pastor sent me. It said "If God answered your prayers immediately, you'd begin thinking God was a big vending machine: put in a prayer,  pull out whatever you want."  Then I also stumbled upon a song that I had posted by Corey Smith called "One day at a time." I'm listening to that song on repeat (thirteen year old girl style!) as I write this and it takes me back. I thought back to what was happening in my life during that time. Aaron had come back from treatment in late October, 2009. It was hard. Really hard. At that point we had been together (and I use that term very loosely...we had always had a very toxic relationship filled with breakups and makeups...extremely unstable) for about four years.  I guess at that time, I thought treatment had "fixed him" and he would come home and we would be a perfect family of four. I had done some work in my own life and I guess I assumed he had worked on "Aaron the boyfriend" and "Aaron the dad" along with "Aaron the addict." I remember begging for God to work through us and rebuild our family. I remember thinking "Nothing's happening. Nothing is different. Our family is broken." And that was it. Our family of four was not meant to be. It wasn't in the cards. And I spent the next year working through that in my mind. I basically wasted the year of 2010!
Flash forward to today. I look at how different my life is. I can't help but look at that post from 2009 and realize exactly why my worship pastor sent me that quote. I was praying my guts out for God to give me my family. I sooo badly wanted my family to work..to just BE. There were so many times in those years that I felt so lonely. I couldn't understand why God wouldn't want Aaron and I to be together. I couldn't see why God wouldn't just give me what I thought I wanted. Oh how naive I was! I see now why God made me wait. I look at my sleeping babies this morning and I know that their hearts are happy. I know why God made me go at parenting alone for awhile. And I thank God daily  for making me wait for my husband. I look at my marriage, and yes it's flawed, but my husband adores this family. I have a Godly man. I have a man who will love my kids and me like it's his job. I have the marriage and the family that God designed perfectly for me over time. How great is our God!