Birthday Perfection, Y'all!

My thirty-first birthday was absolutely perfect! The kids and my mom celebrated with me a few days early since my mom wouldn't be able to be up here on my actual birthday! The kids gave me a couple presents, which I loved, and of course we all went to lunch!
My actual birthday started out much like most other mornings with the kids jumping in bed with me and groaning about having to go to school! After I quickly reminded them of the enormity of the day's event (hello, your mother was born this day 31 years ago!), they both sang many renditions of the "Happy Birthday" song, until I finally begged them to stop! (Don't get me wrong, it was cute the first 3498 times!)
My dear work family made the day special too! My darling friend Sally brought me an "office survival kit" which included Sharpies, post-its, candy, snacks, and other things. You know you have a good friend when she knows exactly what color of Sharpies to bring you (Valley Girl Violet and Leg Warmer Orange)! Thank you Sal! Then my friend Lori brought me another goodie bag with more candy (notice a trend?), a picture frame, and a super cute scarf (cannot wait to wear it!)! THEN....imagine my surprise when a super handsome man came strolling in, cake and balloons in hand! Holy. Cow.
We ended the day with our normal Wednesday routine- ballet and dinner! It was the best birthday EVER and I feel RIDICULOUSLY blessed to have so many awesome people in my life! Love love love love!

Belly Button, DUH!

Morning conversation went something like this today:


Lilly: Mom, I know that you were fat before. But it was because you had a baby in your belly.
me: Well, I wasn't FAT Lilly, I was pregnant! But yes, what about it?
Lilly: I was just wondering if you could feel us inside of your belly?
me: I could feel you moving around. Anderson always pushed his hands and feet against my stomach. Daddy and I could see his hands and feet sometimes! both kids were extremely amused by this!
Anderson: Did I hurt you when I kicked you and punched you?
me: Anderson?! Is that what you were doing?! Daddy always told me you were just stretching out! kids are laughing hysterically about the thought of Anderson punching and kicking my insides!
Lilly: Mom? How do babies come out of their mom's belly?
uuuuuuuuuuuugh...............................................
me: Their BELLY BUTTON, duh! How about this weather, ya'll?! eeeeeeek!

Perspective

It's been a minute since I posted anything, which is weird because I feel like I always have so much to say. I literally go through my days thinking "oh I should write about that" or "that would be a great title for my next post!" Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about the coming year. We started a new series at church last week titled "Perspectives" and I'm super excited about it. But with that excitement comes the reality that things are going to change, both outwardly and within myself. I'm excited, but I'm scared. Or maybe more so intimidated.

So like I was saying...I continue to realize things about about myself that I maybe never really acknowledged until recently. It's interesting because I wrote back in March about things that I was hopeful for in my next relationship...things that I wanted in life, in a partner, for myself and my kids. I wrote here about how I felt a calling to be something more than "just" a mom. I finally felt like I wanted to "do life" with someone. Ya'll know how much I always prided myself on being so independent (exhausting). I thought about the type of person that I wanted to go through life with...but even still, I was a little scared to admit all those things because I felt like I was so far off from "that" person that I wondered why God would bring someone like that into my life. I don't want to say that I am undeserving, but yeah that's how I felt.
I have people in my life who don't think I'm deserving too. There are people who call me a phony. People who question why I'd want to take this leap of faith. People who doubt my relationship. People who aren't "on board" with my choices. Honestly for the first time in my whole adult life, I just don't care anymore. I am tired of worrying about how other people will accept me. I'm done worrying how my relationship fits into someone else's life. I'm done worrying that my relationship will offend someone. I'm done wondering if my relationship will be awkward for someone else. I'm done doubting myself and I'm done letting other people control my choices. I'm done allowing people who don't add positivity to my life to control me from afar, manipulate my decisions, and place doubt in my mind.
I'm positive that my choices are the best ones for me and my kids. I'm confident that I am putting my kids before everything else. I have to trust that God has prepared my heart and the kids' hearts for the coming months. I trust that whatever changes occur this year God is directing us, leading us, and most importantly He has His hand on everything.

2013

Holy moly I cannot believe that it's already 2013! There was a time when I wondered if 2012 would ever end! The end of 2012 turned out to be INCREDIBLE and I am so excited to start this new year! Here's a quick look back...

January: My 30th birthday turned out to be pretty incredible thanks to my girls! I was SO excited to turn thirty! For whatever reason I thought turning thirty would change my life! haha! Well, I guess in some ways it did...and still is!
February: I went on my first cruise! My brother took me to the Bahamas to help me get away from life for a few days and to celebrate my thirtieth! It was absolutely wonderful! Although the weather was a little chilly, it was so much fun to go away with my brother! I can't wait to do it again!
March: My precious baby boy got baptized! This may be my top memory of 2012! It was also this month that I had an epiphany about the "type of person" I was becoming (or maybe always had been?). It was this month that I admitted aloud (errr, on my blog) that I felt a calling to be something more than just a mom. I addressed that feeling that had been tugging at my insides...that feeling that I wanted to "do life" with someone. I wrote about it here.
April: Easter is always one of my most favorite times of the year, and this year was no exception! I just love getting the kids dressed up and spending the Sunday with my family! There's nothing better!
May: My sweet little girl turned SIX! We had a fun little party at home and just celebrated our fabulous little Lills!
June: We took our first big road trip with my kids, my cousin, and her kids. Four kids in the car for five hours actually turned out to be a lot of fun! Later in the month my cousin and I took a much-needed kidless vacation to Florida! It was SO much fun and I CANNOT WAIT to go back this year!
July: What a hottttttttttttt month! Whew!
August: My Lilly started first grade and my baby boy started Junior Kindergarten. Ridiculous how quickly my kids are growing.
September: Anderson had his first major accident...this was a big deal in our house as we had never had something like this happen!! He ended up being totally fine, but it was scary to take the little guy in to the doctor for a gash in his head!
October: This was an awesome month for me professionally!
November: I had dinner with a few old friends from high school...life changing dinner! It's always nice to catch up with old friends, but to top it off I started talking to the most incredible man EVER!
December: We finished the year off with a bang! We had a great Christmas with family and the kids got to spend some time with their Dad.

Overall I was pumped to ring in the new year but even more than that, I am so excited for big things that are going to happen in 2013! Here's to another year of blogging!

Christmas at Daddy's

My kids are on an airplane as I write this, heading to MN to spend Christmas with their dad. As with every other time they've left for Minnesota, I have a mix of emotions going through me. Part of me welcomes the break, but the majority of me hates that my kids are gone! The past few years Aaron has spent Christmas in Indiana or has just sent a package of presents for the kids, but with the new visitation schedule that the two of us agreed upon, we decided that the kids should spend half of their Christmas break with Daddy. It breaks my heart to send my kids off, but I know that it swells Aaron's heart to be able to see his kids during the holidays!

Aaron and I have really struggled to get along over the past few years. It seems that everytime we get something ironed out, some other situation comes up that takes us back to square one. I've been telling myself over and over that I can't control Aaron or what he does, but I can control my own actions and the way that I react to Aaron's choices. I have to remind myself over and over (and over and over and over) that Aaron is not ME. He's not going to do things exactly like I do them. He's not going to feed the kids at exactly the time I would. He's not going to drive exactly like I do (although he really should!). And most importantly, he's not going to call them everyday just because I think he should, or just because I would. Moms aren't dads. Dads aren't moms. And most importantly, no two people are the same. It's hard for me to "accept" that Aaron isn't going to do things exactly like I would do them, but I am learning that this is something that I absolutely have to deal with and learn to accept.

Lilly was over-the-moon excited to leave this morning, and for me, that's enough. As long as my kids are happy, healthy, and safe I am happy to send them to MN for little getaways! (Remind me of this in 24 hours when I miss my kids to death and am moping around!)

Christmas Card

This is the first time in six years that I didn't send out Christmas cards. I almost feel like I need to send out cards apologizing for not sending out cards! I know a lot of Aaron's Iowa relatives look forward to seeing the pictures of the kids, since they don't get to see them very often, but time just got away from me this year and I totally forgot to order any. Oh well. Last year was the first time that I included my blog address on our Christmas cards, and I'm so glad that I did! Not only did it provide Aaron's family a way to keep up with the kids' happenings, but also some of my out-of-state family too. In sticking with a true "Christmas card post" I figured this would be the perfect way to catch everyone up on what's going on in the Hahn household!

Lilly is in first grade and doing really well! She has an awesome teacher who seems to really "get" Lilly and her special talents and interests. She is in her second year of ballet and seems to really love it! She's quite the little reader and writer these days! I'm so proud of her! It's incredible to see how much she has changed in the past year. It absolutely blows my mind to think that my little baby girl will turn seven next spring! She loves to be "girly" and adores her little brother (most of the time!)!

Anderson is halfway through Junior Kindergarten. He's still a tiny little thing, but making strides at becoming "all boy!" He writes his (very long) name, knows about ten "sight words" and is still very much into tennis! He took tennis lessons this summer, but due to scheduling conflicts won't start back up until the first of the year, once he's five! YES, my baby turns FIVE in just a few short days! He's a stubborn little fella (like his daddy!?!)  but I can see his personality developing more and more every single day. Crazy to think he'll be in kindergarten in the fall! I look forward to Anderson and Lilly being at the same school soon! Anderson is so outgoing and I love his spirit. I see amazing things for Anderson's future! 

2012 has been a long, but motivating year for us! I am so grateful for healthy, happy, and beautiful children!! I look forward, very much, to a new year and I have NO DOUBT that 2013 is going to be an incredible year for us!  

MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

The Dinner

So what started as an innocent dinner with old friends would be the dinner that truly changed my world. You can call that dramatic as you want, but oh...my...goodness! The three girls I went to dinner with that night were all talking about the dating world...at that time I was casually seeing someone so when a friend mentioned that someone from our hometown had asked about me, I kinda blew it off. But later that night I got to thinking about it. After very little convincing from my cousin, I sent this fella a message on Facebook. He was overseas at the time and so his responses came sporadically, but over the next few weeks we emailed back and forth and made plans to meet up once he got back. Honestly at that time I never really thought I'd actually meet up with him (sorry babe!). But then....on Thanksgiving day I got a message from his sister that he had been involved in a little accident and that he was in the ER. WWWHAT?! Two things...the fact that his sister thought to email me and let me know what was going on with him absolutely meant the WORLD to me. It showed me that he had been talking to her about me. She knew who I was. And she thought enough of me, based on what he had told her, to think that I'd want to know. OOOH I absolutely love her for emailing me! The second thing about finding this out was that I was truly bothered by the fact he was hurt. I can't even describe the feelings that came over me when I heard that he was hurt. It crushed me a little...probably more than it should have for someone I knew so little about. But for whatever reason, I just wanted to hear his voice and know that he was okay (yes, this was someone I had only been talking to for a month, via email!). The best thing that came out of this whole accident was that he was holed up inside for the rest of his vacation and was "stuck" talking to me! haha! We texted each other the entire weekend and had some pretty intense conversations. I could tell, even then, that we were headed toward something pretty awesome!
We've spent a lot of time together over the past month, and writing about how incredible it's been wouldn't give it the credit it deserves. I can honestly say that I've spent YEARS with people in the past and I've never had the conversations that he and I have had in just four weeks. I could write for twenty-four hours straight about all the things I like about him and it still wouldn't be enough time. He is a Godly man. He has a giant heart. He truly cares about people. He wants the best out of life. He commits 100% to everything he does. And most importantly, he's become one of my most favorite people to spend time with, and I can't wait to see what happens in the future.
"So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." 2 Timothy 2:22