In a couple hours I'll be in a court room listening to a judge tell me what's best for my kids. Aaron started this court process about three months ago, after four years of he and I working together when deciding visitation and child support. When I announced that I was going to be getting married, Aaron filed paperwork to get things set up through the courts. I'm not at all upset that we're making things legal, it's definitely time. But the way he went about it and the way he has treated both me and the kids since filing is not something that's easy to overlook.
He gave up the four weeks of visitation for the summer, stopped paying child support, and has only called the kids a few times in the past three months or more. To say that he has done a total 180 would be the only way to accurately describe his actions.
With that all said, it's frustrating (and gut-wrenching) to know that someone who doesn't know my kids will be determining what's "best" for them. Aaron is asking that the kids spend seven weeks of their summer break with him in Minnesota, as well as half of Christmas break and all of spring break. There are a thousand reasons why this is a terrible idea. He is also asking to pay significantly less in child support.
I know this decision is out of my hands at this point (it always has been, huh?). I trust that God has His hand on the situation and I know that whatever the outcome, it will be just as it was meant to be. I know that I only have to be honest because I have nothing to hide. My kids are my motive behind every decision that I make. I do things the "right" way and I don't try to weasel my way through life's complicated situations.
“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met." Matthew 6: 31-33 MSG
If it's not too much trouble, I'm asking for prayers in this situation. Pray that God will have His hand on the attorneys and the judge today. Pray for me to have the strength to handle whatever the outcome is. Pray that God would open Aaron's heart and mind to help him do the right thing. Pray that my kids come out of this situation unchanged and unaffected by any negativity that has occurred. Pray that they know and feel the love that so many people have for them.
....to be continued
Monday, August 12, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Dance with Me
I promised my husband that I wouldn't put our relationship on blast here in my blog, but I think there are certain aspects to our relationship that others can benefit from my sharing. As I mentioned in earlier posts since our marriage, it's been tough getting into a flow of adding a forth person to the mix. There are "boy" things in our house (and garage) that I've never seen before...but tools, boxers, and foot cream aside, there are emotional wounds that have reopened in both of us that neither of us expected to resurface. Things from our past that we had dealt with individually, but had never envisioned how they may pop up in future relationships. I won't put Charlie's past issues on here, but I have no shame admitting my shortcomings publicly.
I am a self-admitted-control-freak. I am very use to "handling" things on my own. I am use to blaming no one but myself for mistakes that I caused, and dealing with the consequences for my actions. Coming into this marriage, I guess I was very unprepared to "let go" of that control. I can say that I struggle with letting go because I'm scared of being "left" in control again...but if I'm completely honest, that's not really it. I don't fear Charlie leaving. I don't worry that I may have to "take over" again. So then I don't really know why I struggle at letting go. I can't just blow it off and say "that's just how I am," but that's sooo unfair. This a partnership, not a dictatorship. I can say "that's how I had to be," but things are different now and I don't need to be that way anymore.
This is something I've really been struggling with in our marriage...six-ish weeks in. It's scary to have these things pop up from the past because I thought I had dealt with them...and I supposed maybe I had...but not in the realm of marriage. The hardest thing has been learning to let go, learning that Charlie's intentions are pure and good, and that everything he does he does out of love. He wants the very best for me and the kids, even when he does things differently than I would do them. We are different people and we are going to take different paths to get to a place we both want to be.
I suppose this is all part of maturity. We studied Ephesians 4: 1-16 this morning at church and wowza. It was like a slap in the forehead, saying "helllloooooo, grow up!" It's time to live a life focused on faith, to lose the selfish behavior, to look beside me and see the man who is willing to walk this faith journey with me, to dance and not trudge through this journey with me. It's a partnership. He wants to dance with me- to be in step with me. My husband, my best friend, wants the same things that I want. I trust that. I want to move easily with him, dance with him, through this journey. It's time for me to stop trudging and shuffling my feet through life...I have a dance partner now. Ahh, what a feeling!
I am a self-admitted-control-freak. I am very use to "handling" things on my own. I am use to blaming no one but myself for mistakes that I caused, and dealing with the consequences for my actions. Coming into this marriage, I guess I was very unprepared to "let go" of that control. I can say that I struggle with letting go because I'm scared of being "left" in control again...but if I'm completely honest, that's not really it. I don't fear Charlie leaving. I don't worry that I may have to "take over" again. So then I don't really know why I struggle at letting go. I can't just blow it off and say "that's just how I am," but that's sooo unfair. This a partnership, not a dictatorship. I can say "that's how I had to be," but things are different now and I don't need to be that way anymore.
This is something I've really been struggling with in our marriage...six-ish weeks in. It's scary to have these things pop up from the past because I thought I had dealt with them...and I supposed maybe I had...but not in the realm of marriage. The hardest thing has been learning to let go, learning that Charlie's intentions are pure and good, and that everything he does he does out of love. He wants the very best for me and the kids, even when he does things differently than I would do them. We are different people and we are going to take different paths to get to a place we both want to be.
I suppose this is all part of maturity. We studied Ephesians 4: 1-16 this morning at church and wowza. It was like a slap in the forehead, saying "helllloooooo, grow up!" It's time to live a life focused on faith, to lose the selfish behavior, to look beside me and see the man who is willing to walk this faith journey with me, to dance and not trudge through this journey with me. It's a partnership. He wants to dance with me- to be in step with me. My husband, my best friend, wants the same things that I want. I trust that. I want to move easily with him, dance with him, through this journey. It's time for me to stop trudging and shuffling my feet through life...I have a dance partner now. Ahh, what a feeling!
Sunday, August 4, 2013
"By No Means!" -Paul
As I sat down to blog this morning I was looking over my "notes" that I jotted down during this morning's sermon...the words "cray cray" and "bonkers" are on the page. Preach Gretch, preach! Our pastor was talking about a trip he went on two years ago and how he made a mental note to make the next five years of his life the best five years yet. And he asked himself how he had done during these past two years since he made that vow to himself...and then he asked us to think back two yeas ago and see if anything was different in our own life.
My first thought was to come look at my blog two years ago and see where I was during that season of my life. I'm proud to say that I think I've grown a lot, especially in my relationships. But I was disappointed to see that as I read through my different posts from August of 2011, I'm dealing with a lot of the same issues that I did then. Bummer. Which brings me to my "bonkers" and "cray cray" notes..Romans 6:1-5 talks about how God forgives and that His grace is never-ending, but that doesn't give us the right to keep sinning. We must live a changed life. Just because we know we will be forgiven does not give us the excuse to keep living our "old" way of life.
For a lot of Christians there's this "ah ha" moment where it all really sunk in...when they realized the seriousness of what it meant when Jesus died for their sins. I still can't fully understand it, but I want to so badly. I remember blogging about the freedom I felt knowing that I'm not alone and that I can't do life on my own. I wrote about it here. But I don't think I completely get it when I think of the enormity that Christ died for me and my sins NOW.
Anderson got caught up in a lie this past week. And when he realized he was busted (I'm the mom, I know everything!) he walked over to Charlie and said "what does the Bible say about telling lies." Charlie proceeded to talk to him about how lying is a sin and that Jesus died on the cross for us and for our sins...to which Anderson said "yeah, but he came back to life." (touche') When he came back out to me, I asked him what Charlie said and he regurgitated what his little five-year-old-mind comprehended. And when he got to the part about Jesus dying on the cross for our sins he said "but I wasn't alive back then so they weren't my sins." Crap.
I don't have to completely understand why Jesus died for our sins, I just need to know that He did. Follow me? I was given a second chance. I was given a chance at a new life, and sadly I see remnants of my old life probably everyday. I need to live my life differently. I want my life to look differently than non-believers. I don't know if it really does right now. Sure, I go to church and we pray before meals, etc... but does my language, my actions, my heart really scream "I'm a Christ follower!"? I'm not sure it does. Ouch. If my heart feels changed, why do my actions not show it?
'Tis time to start livin' differently.
#bedifferent #beintentional
My first thought was to come look at my blog two years ago and see where I was during that season of my life. I'm proud to say that I think I've grown a lot, especially in my relationships. But I was disappointed to see that as I read through my different posts from August of 2011, I'm dealing with a lot of the same issues that I did then. Bummer. Which brings me to my "bonkers" and "cray cray" notes..Romans 6:1-5 talks about how God forgives and that His grace is never-ending, but that doesn't give us the right to keep sinning. We must live a changed life. Just because we know we will be forgiven does not give us the excuse to keep living our "old" way of life.
For a lot of Christians there's this "ah ha" moment where it all really sunk in...when they realized the seriousness of what it meant when Jesus died for their sins. I still can't fully understand it, but I want to so badly. I remember blogging about the freedom I felt knowing that I'm not alone and that I can't do life on my own. I wrote about it here. But I don't think I completely get it when I think of the enormity that Christ died for me and my sins NOW.
Anderson got caught up in a lie this past week. And when he realized he was busted (I'm the mom, I know everything!) he walked over to Charlie and said "what does the Bible say about telling lies." Charlie proceeded to talk to him about how lying is a sin and that Jesus died on the cross for us and for our sins...to which Anderson said "yeah, but he came back to life." (touche') When he came back out to me, I asked him what Charlie said and he regurgitated what his little five-year-old-mind comprehended. And when he got to the part about Jesus dying on the cross for our sins he said "but I wasn't alive back then so they weren't my sins." Crap.
I don't have to completely understand why Jesus died for our sins, I just need to know that He did. Follow me? I was given a second chance. I was given a chance at a new life, and sadly I see remnants of my old life probably everyday. I need to live my life differently. I want my life to look differently than non-believers. I don't know if it really does right now. Sure, I go to church and we pray before meals, etc... but does my language, my actions, my heart really scream "I'm a Christ follower!"? I'm not sure it does. Ouch. If my heart feels changed, why do my actions not show it?
'Tis time to start livin' differently.
#bedifferent #beintentional
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
#beintentional
I'm definitely still on a wedding-high, but there's been a reality to my marriage in the past month that I'm not sure I would have noticed in my "younger" years. I always heard that the first year of marriage was hard. And I had married friends tell me that it was true. Charlie and I had to do a few months of pre-marital counseling and holy cow am I grateful for that. The pre-marital counseling sparked conversations between the two of us that definitely wouldn't have happened had we not done the counseling. One of the biggest things Charlie and I talked about was what we wanted from each other in our marriage and how we didn't want to be a statistic...we wouldn't let our marriage fail. In a time that so many relationships fail, we knew that we couldn't just have a mediocre friendship and love. We knew we would have to "step it up" when it came to our relationship. Thus the term #beintentional came about in our relationship.
No one accidentally stays married for sixty years. No one accidentally falls in love. It's a choice. You choose to forgive. You choose to go on dates. You choose to put each other first. You choose to have the tough conversations. You choose to make things work, every.single.day. Charlie pointed out to me last night that it's much like being a Christian..no one accidentally becomes a follower of Christ. It's a choice. And you don't just accidentally "stay" being a Christian...you work at it. You read His Word. You study it. You choose to live it.
I don't know what being in love forever looks like for other people. All I know is what Charlie and I have decided to do in our marriage. And yes, we're rookies at this. But just like being a Christian, it is something that we're going to have to work at, study, and learn every single day.
For us, #beingintentional means planning date nights for each other. It means doing devotionals together. It means talking..a lot. It means putting down the phone, turning off the TV, closing the book, and learning about each other over and over. It means going on bike rides together. It means playing tennis as a family. It means trusting each other and knowing that we have each other's back in life. It means working towards the goals we've set for our family. It means sticking to a budget. It means putting Christ first, each other second. It means really really really trying.
I look forward to falling in love with my husband over and over. I can't wait to see what forever looks like for us.
No one accidentally stays married for sixty years. No one accidentally falls in love. It's a choice. You choose to forgive. You choose to go on dates. You choose to put each other first. You choose to have the tough conversations. You choose to make things work, every.single.day. Charlie pointed out to me last night that it's much like being a Christian..no one accidentally becomes a follower of Christ. It's a choice. And you don't just accidentally "stay" being a Christian...you work at it. You read His Word. You study it. You choose to live it.
I don't know what being in love forever looks like for other people. All I know is what Charlie and I have decided to do in our marriage. And yes, we're rookies at this. But just like being a Christian, it is something that we're going to have to work at, study, and learn every single day.
For us, #beingintentional means planning date nights for each other. It means doing devotionals together. It means talking..a lot. It means putting down the phone, turning off the TV, closing the book, and learning about each other over and over. It means going on bike rides together. It means playing tennis as a family. It means trusting each other and knowing that we have each other's back in life. It means working towards the goals we've set for our family. It means sticking to a budget. It means putting Christ first, each other second. It means really really really trying.
I look forward to falling in love with my husband over and over. I can't wait to see what forever looks like for us.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
I'm a Mrs.!!!!
Well it's official...I'm Mrs.Charles Coyne! Holy moly! It has been four weeks since our wedding and we're slowly adjusting to living as a family of four! It's interesting because Charlie and I didn't live together before we got married, and basically the kids and I have lived on our own for over four years! We I was very set in my ways and it's been quite the change having a man live in the house! Of course it's INCREDIBLE being married! It's soooo great falling asleep next to the man of your dreams (quite literally) and waking up next to him! We've had a few minor frustrations, as I'm sure is normal anytime you blend two adults and two kids, but we've worked through them, and been able to enjoy the married life for the past four weeks!
The wedding day was pretty stress-free, but I'll admit that I have NO IDEA how people have huge weddings! The morning of the wedding, I took off for a bike ride bright and early while my mom stayed with the kids. I took the time to just ride through the foggy morning and sat at a pond near our house, reflecting on the past seven years; the struggles the kids and I had been through, the failed relationships I had experienced, the frustrating moments of single-parenthood, etc...and I was able to clearly look towards my future with a man who I know will always have my back in life, who will always be there for me to help me and support me through everything. What. A. Feeling. I cried a few tears, said a prayer, and headed back home to start getting ready for what would be the biggest day of my life.
My brother, cousin, and I went to yoga that morning. AAAAAH! Re-lax-a-tion. It was the PERFECT way to kick off theoutdoor wedding festivities! Soon it was time to start getting ready for the ceremony...what was supposed to be a partly-sunny day turned out to be a torrential downpour day. As I stood at my back door looking out into the backyard, watching it slowing turn from green grass to a flooded rainwater mess, I simply laughed and said "nicely played weatherman, nicely played!" And so as the trillion texts came in from my friends assuring me that rain on the wedding day meant good luck (whatever), I was off to Roanoke, windshield wipers on full blast, ready to marry my best friend! I had a brief meltdown on the way to Roanoke as I looked to the backseat at my kids thinking that things were about to change so much for all of us (in a good way, of course!!). We prayed together, asking God to have His hands on our family that day and always, to help us with the adjustment of having a stepdad/husband, to give us strength to love like He does, and to allow us to enjoy the day and soak it all in.
I'll spare you the wedding details, but it was all perfect. I wouldn't have changed one thing! The rain broke long enough for our (amazing) photographer to snap a few outside pictures after the ceremony. The dinner was great, our company perfect, and things went off without a hitch. It truly was the wedding of my dreams!
I am so insanely happy and I couldn't have asked for a better man to be married to!
The wedding day was pretty stress-free, but I'll admit that I have NO IDEA how people have huge weddings! The morning of the wedding, I took off for a bike ride bright and early while my mom stayed with the kids. I took the time to just ride through the foggy morning and sat at a pond near our house, reflecting on the past seven years; the struggles the kids and I had been through, the failed relationships I had experienced, the frustrating moments of single-parenthood, etc...and I was able to clearly look towards my future with a man who I know will always have my back in life, who will always be there for me to help me and support me through everything. What. A. Feeling. I cried a few tears, said a prayer, and headed back home to start getting ready for what would be the biggest day of my life.
My brother, cousin, and I went to yoga that morning. AAAAAH! Re-lax-a-tion. It was the PERFECT way to kick off the
I'll spare you the wedding details, but it was all perfect. I wouldn't have changed one thing! The rain broke long enough for our (amazing) photographer to snap a few outside pictures after the ceremony. The dinner was great, our company perfect, and things went off without a hitch. It truly was the wedding of my dreams!
I am so insanely happy and I couldn't have asked for a better man to be married to!
Thursday, June 27, 2013
It'll Happen
I could write a book about things that are bound to happen to my family within a week of the wedding...here are just a few examples:
I could go on and on...With that said, I am holding strong to the hope that things will go off without a hitch on the day of our wedding. And no matter the buckets of rain that are pouring down, the scrapes on my kids' faces, the imperfections of our wedding attire, etc..the only thing that matters is that Charlie and I are getting married before our friends family and starting a beautiful life together! I'm sure it will all be perfect!
- Anderson will fall face first into the cement while riding his bike, leaving a giant roadrash souvenir behind on his precious, soft little cheek.
- I will gain just enough weight to make my dress fit a little snug in all the wrong places.
- Lilly will limp for two days due to a dodgeball injury three days before the wedding...the threat of not wearing "fancy" shoes to the wedding providing the only healing power.
- The weather forcast will change from 0% to 30% to now 60% chance of rain on the day of the (outside) wedding.
- The event coordinator at the wedding venue will have an already-planned-day-off the day of the wedding.
- Our pastor's wife, who was due to deliver their third baby the first week in July, will spend this week in and out of the hospital with strong contractions.
- I will turn into "that bride" that I promised myself and my fiance' that I would NOT become. EEEK!
I could go on and on...With that said, I am holding strong to the hope that things will go off without a hitch on the day of our wedding. And no matter the buckets of rain that are pouring down, the scrapes on my kids' faces, the imperfections of our wedding attire, etc..the only thing that matters is that Charlie and I are getting married before our friends family and starting a beautiful life together! I'm sure it will all be perfect!
Monday, June 24, 2013
Gettin' Close Ya'll!
First let me acknowledge that it has been soooomme time since I last wrote. It wasn't intentional, and my only excuse is that I've been so busy with "life" that writing just hasn't been a huge priority....but the past couple days I've realized that in my head, I've been saying "ugh, I need to blog about this" over and over. I'm now to the point where my mind feels like words are going to start seeeeping out my ears and eyes if I don't get it out on paper (errrr screen?).
So first and foremost I am FIVE days away from my wedding day (I just threw up in my mouth a little bit). I have been very calm and collected for the most part in regards to wedding details. We are having a super small, intimate wedding, so there aren't a lot of details to worry about....but now the fact that we're less than a week away from the nuptials I am FREAKING. OUT. I'm not worried about being married, I'm more worried about getting married. I'm not worried about tripping down the aisle (okay, now I am). And I'm not worried about saying the wrong words or putting the ring on his wrong finger (maybe a little bit now that I mention it)....I can't really put my finger on it, other than to say this is a HUGE deal, and this is so exciting and pee-your-pants-scary all at the same time.
I'm excited to see what life looks like as a married couple and what it will be like to be a family-of-four. I worry about the kids and how they'll adapt (even though they both adore Charlie). I wonder if Lilly will go through a rebellious "you're not my dad" stage. I wonder if Anderson will ever want to hang out with just me now that he has a man in the house to do things with.
I am so excited to start this new chapter in life. A WIFE. Me! A WIFE! Holy cow. It still makes my heart race just thinking about it. I'm excited for my kids to have a loving, Godly man in their life who will love and protect them forever and ever. I am so happy and we are so blessed!!!
So first and foremost I am FIVE days away from my wedding day (I just threw up in my mouth a little bit). I have been very calm and collected for the most part in regards to wedding details. We are having a super small, intimate wedding, so there aren't a lot of details to worry about....but now the fact that we're less than a week away from the nuptials I am FREAKING. OUT. I'm not worried about being married, I'm more worried about getting married. I'm not worried about tripping down the aisle (okay, now I am). And I'm not worried about saying the wrong words or putting the ring on his wrong finger (maybe a little bit now that I mention it)....I can't really put my finger on it, other than to say this is a HUGE deal, and this is so exciting and pee-your-pants-scary all at the same time.
I'm excited to see what life looks like as a married couple and what it will be like to be a family-of-four. I worry about the kids and how they'll adapt (even though they both adore Charlie). I wonder if Lilly will go through a rebellious "you're not my dad" stage. I wonder if Anderson will ever want to hang out with just me now that he has a man in the house to do things with.
I am so excited to start this new chapter in life. A WIFE. Me! A WIFE! Holy cow. It still makes my heart race just thinking about it. I'm excited for my kids to have a loving, Godly man in their life who will love and protect them forever and ever. I am so happy and we are so blessed!!!
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