The Most Wonderful Time...

There's something to be said about perfect weekends with family. Although we usually do Thanksgiving at my brothers' place in Chicago, this year they were in Hawaii for the holiday, so my mom hosted. My favorite uncle (hi uncle phil!) and his family came from Michigan, my cousins came from Bloomington, and then of course my grandpa was there! It was just the right amount of "crazy" to make it a perfect Thanksgiving celebration! It was so fun to see all the kids interacting! They all got along so well! (my kids even learned to climb trees, eeeek!) After everyone left, we let the kids get their jammies on and decorate my mom's tree! They had so much fun!

Uncle Phil helping Anderson hang ornaments up high!

Lilly's turn! Climbing the ladder is fun! Jumping off is even more fun!

The cutest little girls ever! Gracie and Lills!

And what holiday would be complete without a silly face picture?!

It's Okay!!!

It's Okay...

to wear chipped nail polish

to watch four movies in one day and keep jammies on all day

to cry during church whenever anyone mentions the lead pastor who passed away

to secretly wonder if karma is real and hate yourself for hoping so

to cry the whole way to mom's on thanksgiving day because you miss how things were last year

to be dreading Christmas shopping

to let your kids drink soda...out of 20 oz bottles- sometimes

to be more excited about an IU game than a Colts or Packers game put together

to always be looking for ways to grow

to FEEL 30 and love it

to cuddle with a handsome 4 year old because he lets you

to hate when people let a business landline ring more than once

to send the "Good Morning" song to every one of your friends with kids

to cry when you listen to The Lorax soundtrack...Let it grow!

to want more

It's Time

Sometimes you have to have an honest conversation with yourself. As easy as it is to just go through the motions of life, to just go on doing the common thing, sometimes you find yourself realizing that you just deserve more than that. And even more, you get to a point where you start to feel terrible about who you're becoming by doing what you know is wrong- or what you know you don't want.
I've spent the past four months in a "relationship" that I knew was wrong from the second date. Although he's a great guy, I knew early on that he was not "the" great guy for me. He knew it about me too. But we went on with things because it was fun and fairly easy. We had just the right amount of dysfunction to keep things interesting. Anyway, I woke up the other morning realizing that I really hated who I was becoming in this relationship. And although he didn't make me who I was becoming, there was just something about the two of us together that made me feel horrible about myself. All my insecurities that were leftover from the failed relationship with JM were lingering into this relationship and I was constantly adapting to the "get him before he gets me" attitude.
I think this realization is all part of growing up and being able to acknowledge that sometimes we have to take a personal inventory. It's hard to look at things about myself and know that these traits are there because I am letting them be there. It's easy to point out things I don't like in other people, but when I think about why I'm "letting" these people in my life, or why I'm letting them stay in my life...that's all on me. I think I'm getting to a point that I question what positive things people bring to my life? And if we can't mutually bring good to each other's life, what's the point?
I'm just ready to be that positive light in someone's life and to have that from whomever I choose to spend my time with. I am so tired of worrying about what someone "might" be up to or what someone's intentions "might" be. It's time to just be the best version of ME that I can possibly be.

The Ultimate Break

I went on the absolute most relaxing vacation of my whole life and have been on complete "shut off" mode ever since. Joe and I had first talked about going on a little weekend getaway a couple months ago and when someone suggested Tennessee we thought it would serve as the perfect location for the "break from reality" that we were looking for! I found the exact cabin that I wanted, Joe booked it, and a couple months later we were driving to Pigeon Forge, TN for our first vacation together!

The drive there (9 hours?) was actually a lot of fun! Something about Joe's horrific sweet sweet singing was calming, and thanks to Sophie B Hawkins' soothing tunes, I was able to squeeze in a nap through the hills of Kentucky! After an hour of tourist traffic, we arrived to our cabin and locked ourselves in for the night. Pizza, wine, and jammies were the PERFECT way to start off our four day vacay!

I'll spare you with the details of each day of the trip, except to say that it was truly the most relaxing trip I've ever taken. If it's possible to completely clear your mind, I think I accomplished that on this trip. Joe left for a couple hours one afternoon to give me some alone time. It was honestly like an out-of-body experience! I'm not sure if I've felt that peaceful anytime in the past six years of my life. I sat there overlooking the gorgeous colors of the TN scenery and couldn't help but just smile at how happy I was at that moment.

"Heeeeeeeeey November 1st!"

Wow, I CANNOT believe we're almost completely through this year. Holy hell it's November! As much as I'd like a redo of this year, I have to say that I'm pleased with where I am right this second (curled up on the couch, under my IU blanket, drinking an ole' domestic beer, and watching the CMA's).
My cousin and I had a long talk, not long ago, about striving to take things day by day. It seems so simple, but it's truly one of the hardest things to do. As a mom we focus so much on planning things out, having routines, and being prepared for EVERYTHING. But...as a person (not JUST a mom) there are certain things in life we just cannot plan for. People come into our life that we hadn't ever expected to. People leave that we never wanted to. Things change that we hadn't planned on. While most people, okay any normal person probably, could just adapt to those things, some of us (me) have trouble dealing with changes.

With the start of the new month I challenge myself (and you, if you need it) to truly try to take things day by day. The biggest thing I'm trying to live is "let it be, until it's not." So often we plan for things that "might" happen rather than living in the moment of what really is. I'm so tired of sabotaging myself because I'm afraid of all the "what if's" in life. Here's to a new month, a new motto (let it be, until it's not), and just taking things day by day.

Good luck friends!

Crazy Mom Alert

The idea of packing up my kids, quitting my job, and leaving the country may or may not have crossed my mind last night. Lilly was invited to a Halloween party and, although she had been invited places in the past from other friends, this was the first time I actually considered letting her go. Sure she's had sleepovers with my cousin, my mom, and my brothers (and of course spends a week away from me when she goes to her dad's), but...this was different. Yes, I LOST MY CRAP but it was only because I'm not ready for her to go somewhere without me. I kept telling Aaron that she's just a baby. He kept telling me to think logically. I assured him I WAS thinking logically- this was our only daughter, our first born, our precious little angel baby. What more was there to think about? The thought of her riding in someone else's car freaked me out. The thought of her being at a dark Halloween party without me freaked me out. The thought of someone else not watching her and paying attention to her and knowing her mood like me freaked me out. (Writing that I realize that perhaps I should focus more of my attention on the fact that every little thing freaks me out!) Let me say that we haven't met this family, sure she's a guidance counselor at the elementary school...and yes they live in the addition across the street from us, but still....! This was the first time my teeny tiny little baby girl was going to be going somewhere with a friend, who wasn't related to us.

After a few emails between Ava's mom and I, I feel better about it all, but still I'm having a tough time wrapping my mind around the fact that Lilly is growing up. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I just feel like before we know it she'll be having sleepovers, then going to football games, and driving, and going off to college, and....whoa!!! Overload.

"Something God Intended"

Here are things I think God intended

mornings without meltdowns

FaceTime nights with Daddy

handwritten notes from my little girl

incredibly strong moms to be role models

strong coffee

open-minded people who can accept others for who and what they truly are

freedom to love who we choose

cousins who are always near

heart-shaped jelly sandwiches

dinnertime with "highs and lows"

toddler prayers

daughters who mimic their mommy

relationships where you have each other's back

work families

Fall vacations

the strength to be patient

the believe in trusting that things will happen at the "right" time

singing 6 year olds

out-of-state friendships that never fade

love songs that make you believe



Wearing giant sunglasses is toooo fun!



Take that, Mourdock.