Am I Enough?

As a parent I think we all have our insecurities, but last night something hit me harder than ever before. For those of you who are friends with me on FB you know that there was a house fire near my house last night. To say that it was scary would be the understatement of the universe. Not only had I never seen a house fire, but the flames and the noises that were coming from the fire were like nothing I've ever witnessed before. It was insane. My legs instantly started shaking, my hands were sweating. I panicked. I don't know why this made such an impact on me, but it did. I called my mom at 11:30 (something NO parent wants to wake up to). I just couldn't believe what I was seeing and I had to know that I wasn't alone. I needed my mom, y'all!
Once things calmed down a little bit and I was able to peal myself away from the window, I sat down on my bed and just started thinking about every possible scenario. I ran through our fire escape route and our meeting place that Lilly had designated just a few months earlier (the Moon family's fence!). I went over what I'd do if a tornado was coming. I thought about what I would do if someone tried to break in. I ran through what our plan would be for every possible scenario that I could think of...and still, at the end of it, I wondered if I would ever really be prepared for these types of things. All I wondered was "what if I'm not enough?" What if I wasn't able to get both of my kids out of the house? What if I couldn't protect them? What if I messed up? What. If. I. Failed.
Someone wise told me that I should never again question if I'm enough. He encouraged me to never again say things like "I might not be enough." And even though I told him that that's how I felt he assured me that our feelings aren't everything. Ummm rude. I get it though. I get that I was created to be just as I am. I get that I'm enough, right now. And I get that I was created to be THE mom to Lilly and Anderson. And trust me folks, I'm grateful. Soo grateful. I just want to be sure that I am enough. I just want to be sure that I can protect them. That's scary stuff. I've always known that I was the sole provider and protector of those kids, but seeing that fire last night just lit (no pun intended) something in my soul. It hit me so hard that it's JUST me and those kids. It's all on me. So. Scary.