Crazy Mom Alert

The idea of packing up my kids, quitting my job, and leaving the country may or may not have crossed my mind last night. Lilly was invited to a Halloween party and, although she had been invited places in the past from other friends, this was the first time I actually considered letting her go. Sure she's had sleepovers with my cousin, my mom, and my brothers (and of course spends a week away from me when she goes to her dad's), but...this was different. Yes, I LOST MY CRAP but it was only because I'm not ready for her to go somewhere without me. I kept telling Aaron that she's just a baby. He kept telling me to think logically. I assured him I WAS thinking logically- this was our only daughter, our first born, our precious little angel baby. What more was there to think about? The thought of her riding in someone else's car freaked me out. The thought of her being at a dark Halloween party without me freaked me out. The thought of someone else not watching her and paying attention to her and knowing her mood like me freaked me out. (Writing that I realize that perhaps I should focus more of my attention on the fact that every little thing freaks me out!) Let me say that we haven't met this family, sure she's a guidance counselor at the elementary school...and yes they live in the addition across the street from us, but still....! This was the first time my teeny tiny little baby girl was going to be going somewhere with a friend, who wasn't related to us.

After a few emails between Ava's mom and I, I feel better about it all, but still I'm having a tough time wrapping my mind around the fact that Lilly is growing up. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I just feel like before we know it she'll be having sleepovers, then going to football games, and driving, and going off to college, and....whoa!!! Overload.

"Something God Intended"

Here are things I think God intended

mornings without meltdowns

FaceTime nights with Daddy

handwritten notes from my little girl

incredibly strong moms to be role models

strong coffee

open-minded people who can accept others for who and what they truly are

freedom to love who we choose

cousins who are always near

heart-shaped jelly sandwiches

dinnertime with "highs and lows"

toddler prayers

daughters who mimic their mommy

relationships where you have each other's back

work families

Fall vacations

the strength to be patient

the believe in trusting that things will happen at the "right" time

singing 6 year olds

out-of-state friendships that never fade

love songs that make you believe



Wearing giant sunglasses is toooo fun!



Take that, Mourdock.

Worst Pulaski Days Ever?

Who wants a hodgepodge post today? This girl!

Damn it all if T.Swift hasn't outdone herself again! Her new album "Red" is in-credible! Yeah yeah yeah, grow up Hahn! Whatever! (at least I'm not going as the 5th TMNT for Halloween) Something about her angry little heartfelt songs just makes me wanna fall in love and break up! Errrrrr well maybe I don't want the break up (although how beneficial to the artistic side of people, no?!) but that whole feeling of just being so overwhelmingly into someone! Ah! There's nothing better! Dang it Taylor! Not to mention, seeing my little six year old belt out "we are never getting back together" just makes for the best entertainment EVER!

I miss my friend Rachael. I haven't hung out with her in YEARS and she now has an almost-one-year old daughter whom I've never met. I think a girls' night is in the works soon.

The thought of Christmas being only 9 weeks away makes me wanna hurl a little. I LOVE me some Christmas, but I'm not prepared this year. And it will be only the second Christmas that it's been just me and the kids. Also, JM and I bought a lot of stuff last year for the outside of the house (lights and such) and just knowing I don't have anyone to hang that stuff this year kinda stinks. Not to mention, JM put ALL our Christmas stuff in the attic last year and we all KNOW how much I HAAATE going to the attic for stuff. Can this be another reason we all dislike JM? Jump on board folks. Also, the kids will be in MN for a whole week after Christmas this year (first time ever). I will probably want to die after a day or two.

You know that feeling when you know you're just kicking life's butt? I kinda feel like that lately. My work life is going extremely well. My co-worker and I are KILLING it! To say we're doing great work would be the understatement of the century. TOOOT TOOOT! My kids have been doing really well at school and at home. My personal life is decent. And just overall I feel content (in that good healthy way, not in that settling way).

Sometimes I get a good chuckle out of people's Facebook posts. I wish I could delete them, but these people are just too. darn. funny. I can't turn away! (Rachel B. thank you for your message last night. What is WITH those two?! Misery loves company!)

I failed at daily blogging, but considering how insane this month has been for me, both professionally and personally, I think a good ole' pat on the back is still deserved (pat pat!).


Silly faces are so much fun!

I hope...

As an adult you would like to think that most of the childish drama from your past is behind you, but sometimes things creep back in and try to maneuver their way under your grown up, thicker skin. I think the difference lies in how we react as an adult versus the way we did ten or twelve years ago. I noticed today that when someone is being blatantly disrespectful to me, I have two ways of responding to it. I can give in to it, becoming a child myself. Or I can figure out what this person is missing in their own life to make them want to act this way. While I don't intend to 'save' this person, I can pray for them and hope that they get the peace of mind that they deserve. I find it extremely hard to believe that someone would just be mean or hurtful for no reason at all, or that a piece of high school drama has hung around for all these years. Something must be missing in this person's life to make her want to act this way. I'm not judging anyone, because that's not my job. I just know that I have to rise above things. I have to see things from a different set of eyes before jumping to conclusions. 

On a lighter note, how gorgeous is this weather? Here's my blogging arena this morning. And a little Eric Hutchinson never hurt the mood either! This is exactly how fall weather should be! I'm excited to kick off this week!

Nevermind the wilting pumpkin! We carved early!  

Adding some hodgepodge to this post....

Here is a list of my hopes for the week. 

I hope...

that I can be a positive force in any negative environment. 

that I can think before I react. 

that my words will be kind. 

that my thoughts will be pleasant. 

that my friends find comfort in their thoughts and actions. 

that my language will be clean. 

that I can empathize with those hurting. 

that my kids will feel unending love. 

that I will be an example for other people. 

that my confidence will be strong. 

that my insecurities continue to deplete. 

that no matter the outcome of situations, I will remain upbeat. 

that I don't lose sight of who I really am, but continue to be open to seeing things in a new light. 

Daddy Disappointment

I'm struggling majorly right now. I want to scream. Or cry. Or scream and cry. And maybe even kick. Or stomp my foot. I'm just mad. Really mad. The kids' dad is in Iowa right now for a funeral. He's a little less than halfway here, and while I understand that it's still a six hour drive, I don't understand how he can NOT want to come see the kids. He knows the bind that I'm in with a sitter, and he knows the cost of getting a sitter to keep the kids for a few hours. He doesn't work for the next three days and has ZERO reason to NOT come here to see them. I understand that it comes at a cost (literally) to him, but he hasn't seen the kids since the beginning of August, and I just don't see how any parent can go that long without seeing his kids.

I admit that a little part of the reason I'm so upset with Aaron is because my own dad did the same thing to me and my sister this weekend. Since he moved to MI earlier this summer, we haven't seen him once. And although mostly I could care less, there's still part of me that tries to stay in touch with my dad simply because he's family. I wrote before about my relationship with him, and I truthfully feel the same way about things, but I guess as someone's child, I still feel that sickening disappointment when a parent rejects you. It truly broke my heart to know that my little sister was sitting at home, waiting on his call to take her to lunch yesterday. Sadly, because I've lived that disappointment from my dad before, I knew he wasn't going to show up. And even worse, I knew he'd have an excuse ("she told me that she didn't want to go." Well she changed her dang mind! GO GET HER!).

I'm so extremely tired of this type of disappointment. I'm exhausted with trying to extend the olive branch only to have it snap back in my face later. I feel the same way with Aaron. I know better than to allow my hope in him grow. I know that he's going to disappoint me and the kids. And while I know Aaron owes me nothing, he does owe the kids tremendously. They are changing drastically from week to week. He's missing out on so much..and I know I shouldn't care because I'm here to see it, but I can't help but feel sad for the kids.

I feel guilty for putting them in a family like this. I feel guilty for bringing them into an environment where there are going to be a lot of hard times. I feel bad that there are things they'll have to miss out on because we simply can't afford it, don't have the time for it, or where it just doesn't fit into our schedules. I'm sad because I feel like if their dad was closer and more involved, they'd get to do everything they want.

And more than anything, I fear that they'll grow up wondering if their dad loves them as much as their mom does. I worry that they'll have a void in their life that they'll try to compensate with other things. It scares me that they'll resent me for things that I did wrong in my relationship with their dad. It worries me that if I stop trying that Aaron will go away altogether. I know that type of disappointment, and I just don't want it for my kids. They deserve more than that- just like I know me and my siblings did too. I don't know what is wrong with me that I met someone just like my dad, but I pray to God that Lilly finds a good man one day. I hope that she never has to experience this type of pain and guilt. And I pray that my son never turns out to be this type of father. I hope he's an honorable man, no matter the circumstance. I hope my kids know that they're loved and that even without a full-time dad (or grandpa), they have so many people who love them and adore them. They have so many people in their life who will always be there for them, support them, and care about them. I will spend every single day of my life making sure my kids know they are loved and I will make every effort to make sure they don't feel that void.

Ready?

Something about living in Indiana just makes this time of year extra special! GO HOOSIERS! 

First Grade Queen

There's nothing more annoying than a Mom posting all her kids' bizznizz on Facebook, but posting it on her blog, TOTALLY acceptable! So today I had the first parent-teacher conference for Lills as a first grader! I was a little nervous, only because Lilly doesn't talk much about school this year, which is COMPLETELY different than last year when she wouldn't SHUT.UP about school! Also, last year I got many "updates" from her teacher, telling me how social my little lady was! LOL! So, today Lilly's teacher informed me that not only is Lilly reading two grade levels above her, but she's also "probably the strongest writer in her class"!!!!!!! I read some of Lilly's daily journal and boy is that girl funny! "Firefighters are for sure the bravest ones I know!" She writes like she speaks! She tested above average in everything, and works from the highest spelling level almost everytime! Of course there were some negative things-- she talks a lot, makes bracelets out of paperclips and crayon wrappers (future designer, what what?), has trouble staying on task (because she is busy swapping jewelry with other girls in her group), and gets bored easily with math. When I told her teacher that I would see to it that Lilly kept her jewelry at home she said "oh but she's SUCH a good accessorizer!" LOL! I love that her teacher sees her personality shine through, but more than anything, I'm SO proud of Lilly's academic achievements! I love hearing her read and I LOVE to read the stories that she writes!! She's so creative and I just hope she continues to excel in school! I just love my little princess and I'm SOOOO incredibly proud of her!

For the Moment

This past summer I developed a five year plan. (If you're dying to reread it, you can find it here!) It was the first time I had ever done something like that and gooooodness it was exhausting! I think it was so exhausting because it was very intimidating! It was scary to put down in words (actions, essentially) where I was headed or hoping to go. I look back (already) and think about how bogus some of it may be. The thought of moving to another state, with just my kids, is ridiculous...right? Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about myself, my life, how I handle situations, etc... I find it interesting that anytime you go through a change, no matter how big or small, how catastrophic or minor, it makes you reevaluate certain aspects of your life (or at least it should...I think?!). It makes me want to look at how I handled the previous situation, and see how that worked out for me (helllooo Dr.Phil!). It's interesting to see if there's things I'd change or not. (Am I losing you? Stick with me!) With my most recent relationship (and I use that term loosely), I realize that I probably went a little overboard with my expectations. I mentioned in my previous post that I don't want to waste time, and I still feel that way, but at the same time, I don't want to rush things either. I feel like I get so caught up in the final outcome of things (in this case, a relationship) that I fail to just live in the moment and enjoy it for what it is. In the same regard, my five year plan is so focused on what I want to happen five years from now, that I'm failing to really LIVE my next four years and eleven months. I want to be someone who can live in the moment, yet have a focus on the future. Is that possible?.....to be continued.....

One wasted day..

One wasted day is just that-- a waste. I think after you go through some tough times, you come out with a different approach. Aaron and I were together for many years, and were engaged for over half of our relationship. I think we both always knew deep down that we'd never get married, but we pushed through...and made each other miserable. At that point I couldn't imagine being a parent on my own, which was a huge motivation for me staying with Aaron. Fast forward many years later and here I am, on my own now for the past four-ish years and going strong (tooot toooot!).
With JM I vowed that I'd never waste one single day on someone if I knew deep down it wasn't going to work, and I asked for that in return with anyone that I dated. I remember JM telling me that as much as he didn't want this (to break up) that if it didn't happen now it would happen six months from now. As much as I loved him and hated to see it end, I had to respect his decision to not waste six months more. I think once you add kids to the mix, even if they've never met your significant other, you just don't have the time or energy to waste with someone that you know you're  not going to be with forever. Any time that I spend away from my kids better be worth it, you know? I can't justify being away from them for any length of time if it's all for nothing.
I have no doubt that my life is somewhat overwhelming and intimidating, and  I absolutely KNOW that I'm exhausting to be with!!! But I know what I want. I want the best for myself and for my kids. I know it's no guy's DREAM to be with a girl with two kids, but I'm also not pessimistic enough to think that it can't happen! Until then....

Skip to my Lou, my darlin!

Words to my thirty year old self....

trust your gut. 

have fun. 

never settle. 

remember your priorities. 

never let someone question your priorities. 

always look forward. 

work hard. 

embrace change. 

time is precious, don't waste it. 

bad singing isn't endearing. 

local sporting events are fun, go to as many as you can. 

fireworks aren't just for kids. 

if you can hear someone chew or swallow, they're not "the one" for you. 

cussing isn't pretty. 

sincerity is appreciated. 

be grateful for honest people. 

it's okay to trust a guy. 

don't say things you don't mean. 

take huge risks, you just never know what might come from it. 

never feel the need to defend your decisions or opinions. 

being a mom doesn't make you a prude. 

don't get hung up on all the details. 

Intimidated by Fun?

There are different versions of fun. People have different hobbies, different interests, different highs and lows. When someone questions my ability of handling fun, or their version of fun, I just want to throw something at them (fun!).

Here's a list of things that I consider to be fun....

• recording videos of my kids singing, dancing, and putting on performances
• spending weekends in Chicago with my family, playing cards and drinking wine
• cuddling on the couch with my son, watching football or college basketball
• impromptu sleepovers with my cousin and her kids
• road trips to Michigan with my cousin
• shopping on Saturday with my Mom
• getting frozen yogurt on Friday afternoons before dinner
• watching reality tv
• blogging
• planting flowers (thank you Megan!)
• "spirit week" at work
• staying in on Friday night watching kid movies, eating popcorn and apples
• hayrides
• parades
• phone dates
• Tincaps games
• three-way phone calls with my brother and mom
• drinking beer at a dive bar
• country concerts
• taking my kids to plays/concerts
• going to church with the kids
• getting pedicures with my Lilly girl
• sitting outside on warm days, watching the kids play together and use their imagination
• sidewalk chalk
• bike rides

So before anyone writes off my contentment with life as me being lame or intimidated by your version of a good time, read my list o' fun! 

It's ok day...

It's Okay....

to use the "it's ok" idea (which you stole from someone else's blog) when you have nothing else to blog about.

to have completely different viewpoints from the guy you're dating (right?!). 

to be sitting in your car blogging while you wait for your hair appt. 

to pay $4 for coffee...every once in awhile.

to want to go to a Medium or psychic just to check it out. 

to have multiple pairs of jeans but only wear one of them because they're your favorite pair.

to encourage your cousin to text a guy because you're THAT confident in your Cupid skills!

to stop trusting certain people. 

to be passive aggressive...sometimes!

to spend $120 on a hair appt every six weeks. 

to care a little less about what you wear. 

to use a space heater under your desk and keep it on full blast until you feel like your feet are on fire!

to (still) be counting down the days until your cabin-in-the-mountain vacation!

Sunday Funday!

I feel like I'm just outdoing myself here. You know that I'm not a baker, a cooker, or anything domesticated of the such. Today Lills and I made homemade applesauce. Well wait, you should know part of my incentive behind it was because Friday after I picked her up from school, Lilly asked me what "homemade" meant. Seriously. This girl is in for the ride of her life. Granted, homemade applesauce isn't exactly reaching-for-the-stars ambitious, but it's a start!

A very "toofless" Lills

The start to some yummy applesauce! 

And what Sunday is complete without a fun little family rivalry? Colts vs Packers. We were clearly a house divided! 

Can I Have Your Attention Please?

Have you ever read the book "The 5 Love Languages"? I remember Aaron and I kinda reading it together years ago. I've thought about it a lot over the past couple years, especially the past six months. Tonight I took the quiz which tells you what your love language is. It came as no surprise that my love language is "words of affirmation."  The description says: "Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words "I love you" are important-- hearing the reasons behind the love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten."  Ummmm, duh. Do you KNOW me? The scary thing for me is the love language that is least important to me....quality time. The lowest scoring love language is seldom used to communicate love and which probably doesn't affect you very much on an emotional level. (Could this explain why I never date people who live in the same town as me?!) This was an interesting little quiz and I encourage you to take it!

It's What We Do

Things we do in our home on a regular basis...

watch the Lorax, especially on Friday nights with pizza. 

have dance parties. 

listen to Andy Grammer. And Taylor Swift. 

"skate" in the living room with socks or Noodle Grandma slippers. 

eat chips and salsa. 

have full-on meltdowns. 

decorate the mantle for holidays, just like Nana. 

FaceTime with Uncle A, Uncle G, or Daddy. 

watch VH1 countdowns on weekend mornings. 

play "highs and lows" at the dinner table. 

play school and have practice spelling tests. 

talk over each other. 

cuddle under our massive IU blanket. 

The Alphabet

In one of the devotionals that I read, one of the exercises recommended is to focus on all the good in your life...the things that make you happy, the things that bring you joy, and the things for which you're most grateful.

• A= Adam. My brother is my best friend and without him I'd be lost. 
• B= Books. Although I've taken a slight hiatus from reading lately, I absolutely love curling up with a good book. 
• C= Career. I'm so grateful to have a career in the field of secondary education.
• D= Date nights. 'nuff said! 
• E= Evenings at home with my kids. They seem to be few and far between now, so I kinda eat it up when I have a weeknight evening with them! 
• F= Friends. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE my friends and I'm so blessed to have them in my life. 
• G= Grandpa. OOOH I just love him! And I worry about him. But I adore him. 
• H= Hugs from my son. There is truly nothing better! He's a Donna Anglin kinda hugger!
• I= iPhone, iPod, iPad....thank you Apple!
• J= Joseph. So lovely to have such a kind, caring, and confident man in my life. 
• K= Kids...they are my constant. My soulmates. I adore them. 
• L= Leaves. I am loving the changing of the seasons and the leaves are so gorgeous! 
• M= Megan. My cousin is truly the best person in the world to "do life" with.
• N= New friends/family. In the past few months it's been nice meeting new people, especially Joe's friends and family. 
• O= October. It's the perfect month. Not too cold. Not too hot. Juuuuuussssst right! 
• P= Pizza. I should really eat less pizza, but I LOVE it. Pizza brings me happiness. 
• Q=  hmmm, to be continued...
• R= Ross Medical Education. So grateful for my job. Even with all the highs and lows, I love my job. 
• S= Showers. There's something about five minutes of alone time in the shower. No talking. No crying. No fighting. Just quiet. Aaaahhh! 
• T= Thursdays. Thursday is the most relaxing evening for our family. It's the one night I get off work and get to go straight to pick up the kids from school. We get to make dinner together, eat together, and always have extra time to hang out together. 
• U= Ummm....
• V= Vacation. I am so excited for our little mini-vacation coming up in November. I cannot wait!
• W= Work family. I wouldn't love my job as much if it wasn't for my incredible work family. 
• X= I clearly need to expand my vocabulary!
• Y= Year. I'm so grateful for the past year. I've gone through a lot and I've come out stronger than ever. Yuh huh! 
• Z= I've got nothin'! 

It's Okay...

It's okay...

to have nothing exciting to blog about tonight. 

to watch the presidential debate with your guy over the phone.

to let go of people in your life who always disappoint you. 

to be selfish when it comes to your happiness. 

to be pissed as hell at your perfect babysitter who quit on you last night. 

to beg your mom to live in the same town as you. 

to drink two cans of Diet Coke in one day at work. 

to talk to your friend Ace for 10 minutes about mozzarella sticks. 

to be counting down the days until your cabin-in-the-mountains vacay. 

to drink gas station cappuccinos. 

to be a Packer's fan. No, seriously. It's okay. 

to not want to carve pumpkins by yourself. 

to need FB attention from certain people. 

to try cooking new recipes just to convince yourself that you ARE capable. 

to be cheap about cable. 

to fail at daily blogging. 

Remind Me...

The next time I'm frustrated with either of my kids, will you please refer me to this post!? I just cannot believe how much you can love someone, but these two little peas are just absolutely perfect to me. Through all the toughest of days, the loudest of tantrums, and the messiest meltdowns, they're my angels and I will be forever thankful for that. 

Oh Yes I Did!

I don't know what's come over me, but I feel a wee bit out of my element as of lately! First I write about politics (which, let's be honest was less about politics and more about how amazing I am as an independent woman- aaah snap!) and now I'm about to shock you all with some MAJOR news.....ready?

I followed a recipe and made a pretty decent meal last night. That's right! Don't think for even a half of a second that I've turned into a little domestic diva- that's definitely not the case. But, I do feel like I need to get a few solid meals under my belt! Here's the one I did last night:

Crockpot Bacon Wrapped Apple BBQ Chicken  which I got from this blog. It was extremely easy, and it turned out pretty delish! I served it with mashed potatoes and corn on the cob! Nothing like a yummy, quick, and simple meal to throw together on a Sunday evening!


Three chicken breasts with some apples. Then wrap in bacon. I used about two pieces of bacon for each piece of chicken. Then place them in the bottom of the crockpot (I put a little BBQ sauce in the bottom just to coat the crockpot). Then pour the BBQ concoction over top of the chicken. The BBQ concoction consisted of 1/2c of BBQ sauce (I used Sweet Baby Ray's), one apple, and lemon juice. The recipe says to cook it for 8 hours. I did mine on low for about six and a half hours and it was probably an hour too long. The chicken started to shred, but still tasted yummy!!