Glue You Back Together!

Well, we finally had our first major accident. I got the dreaded call from daycare around 3 o'clock Thursday afternoon letting me know that Anderson had cracked his head on the door handle and quite possibly needed stitches! After a quick call to our pediatrician, I decided to just take him into their office and see what they though- they are the professionals, after all! The doc assessed little man's head and decided we could probably just "glue him back together"...Anderson thought that was hilarious! He did a really great job of staying calm. I'm so proud of my little man!

After we left the office, we had to go back to get Lilly off the bus. When she saw what happened to her little brother she was instantly concerned. I saw my opportunity to make this work to my advantage. I explained to her that she couldn't be mean, loud, or cry around around her brother because it would make his head hurt. I told her we had to be extra careful around him. I created a monster. She wouldn't let him run, crawl, jump, cry, yell, and eventually even speed walk!!!!!! She was an excellent little nurse!! (That lasted for about one day!)

New haircut, compliments of the nice nurse at Pediatrics Associates! 

Getting fixed up by the doctor! Such a brave little boy!

...all for a reason...

I firmly believe in the idea that everyone is put into our lives for a reason. Along with that, I believe in the cliche' that God never gives us more than we can handle (ew, cliche' might be the wrong word!). I ALSO believe that we go through things for a reason, a lesson. I believe that we learn from this lesson, grow from it, and we are to USE what we've learned to counsel other people.

I don't know how many girls have reached out to me in the past three years about the things I went through with Aaron's addiction. It's hard to fathom that my experience of living with an addict could have an effect on anyone else.  Another lady in my life is going through similar things with her daughter. I've seen the turmoil that her daughter has caused in their family because of her addiction. It's heartbreaking to see this lady go through this hardship because I know exactly how she feels. There's nothing worse than the feelings of hopelessness. The feeling that nothing you say can make this awful disease go away. The feeling that you can't love someone enough to get them sober. Even worse, that everything you do makes it even worse- drives them to use even more. (God I wish Aaron read my blog and could understand this side of it.) There's that feeling that nothing is going to make this better, but you try to believe in your heart that you're making the right decision to stand by him, to support him, to let him sleep, to let him miss work, to let him stay out late, to let him...and so it goes on and on until you realize that you've lost yourself in this disease just as much as he has lost himself. But the difference is you. remember. everything.

If I could have one thing go MY way in life, like if I had a magic lamp with a genie, I'd wish for the same thing three times over (okay that's a lie, I'd wish for money too), but two times over I'd wish that NO ONE had to deal with the ugly disease of addiction. That way, no son would have to see his mom be punched and drug down the stairs. No daughter would have to call the police on her daddy to keep him from taking her away from her mom. No girlfriend would be wondering why she allows her boyfriend to cheat on her over and over. No wife would be contemplating leaving a job she loves so as to get away from her addicted husband. No child would wonder what she did wrong to make her daddy move so far away. No mother would wonder if her granddaughter is safe while her grown daughter is passed out in bed for thirty-six hours. No child would grow up and fall in love with someone who is as abusive as her father, as disappointing as her father, as uninvolved as her father. No one, in the world, would have to experience the let-down that is addiction.

The sad reality though is that my magic lamp savior isn't an option. The reality is that there IS this disease of addiction and there WILL be those of us who happen to fall in love with someone who is an addict. We WILL be disappointed by this disease and there's nothing we can do to stop it. All we can do is take a stand against it- do what we know is right for ourself and for our kids. Nothing brings me greater joy than someone emailing me and saying "Hey, I see you survived this, can you help me..." I HATE that someone else has to go through it- it breaks my soul I tell you, but to know that someone sees me as a "survivor" of this disease (even though I wasn't "the" addict) makes me feel like it was allll worth it. Seriously.

If I could say ONE thing to the people who have reached out to me in the past three years it would be these words of encouragement: You WILL get through this. You will come to a point in the future where you can look back at this and be grateful that you experienced it all. You will come to appreciate the hardships because they turned you into the person you are today. You will thank the addict in your life for waking you up to what's really important in life. You will look at your children and know that you've given your ALL for them. You will reflect back on these days and be humbled by the choices you had to make, but you will know that you would make the same choices all over again if given the chance. Stay strong, be wise, and think of what's really important right now.

47%, huh?

I don't ever write about politics. And this isn't necessarily about politics either, but rather about my personal ties to this comment. I don't pretend to know about politics. I don't pretend to CARE about politics. I know what I know, and I care about what's important to me and my family.

Mitt Romney makes the comment that 47% of Americans are dependent upon the government, who see themselves as victims. He suggests that these are people he'll never be able to convince to take personal responsibility or to care for their own lives. Luckily, he's not worried about "those" people.

Unfortunately, I was one of "those" people. I remember when Aaron first left for MN. I had no job, an $850/month rental house, two kids, a car payment, among many other day to day expenses. Two weeks after Aaron left I interviewed for the company where, three years later, I am still employed. With that said, there was a time that things were hard. Very hard. I remember calling my friend Rachael, telling her that there was no way I was going to be able to pay rent. There was no way I was going to be able to pay any of my bills for that matter. And I was freaking out about how I was even going to afford groceries. It was then that she told me to call the Township for help with rent, and to call and talk to someone about getting food stamps and any other assistance that I might need. I sat on my porch and cried like a baby. I was not one of "those" people. How embarrassing. And all I remember her telling me was "you do what you have to do when it comes to taking care of your kids Gretchen." Gulp.

Making the call to the township a few days later was probably one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I made an appointment with a lady named Barbara. I'll never forget her. I met with her a few weeks later and had to explain my situation. How do you tell someone that your life fell apart in front of your eyes and you were too naive to stop it? To make a long story short, the Aboite Township paid a portion of my $850 rent for two different months. It was helpful, but humbling.
I remember making the appointment with the Family and Social Services Administration (FSSA). I remember taking my kids downtown to the "welfare office" to find out about getting help. I was mortified, but I had no other choice. We got food stamps for a  few months until I was working and making a little money. I remember one time going into the grocery store on Scott Rd. and when I paid with the food stamp card, the lady said (VERY LOUDLY), "Oh, I didn't realize that was a food stamp card. You don't look like the type. You'll have to swipe it again."  I wanted to die. Seriously. The most embarrassing moment of my life.

So once I was working for a few months and could finally afford rent, groceries, and everything else on my own I was able to stop using government assistance. With pleasure.

But then there was still the issue of daycare. At that time I had applied for CANI, which would help pay for daycare expenses. Of course I qualified for it, as I was bringing home only $1600 a month at that time! A couple years, two promotions (and raises) later,  I came to the point where I no longer qualified for any kind of daycare assistance at all. I went from paying $90/week to paying $278/week for daycare.

My point is, never during that time did I feel entitled to that assistance. Never did I think of making a living from it. Never did I enjoy being on it. It was mortifying. It was humbling. It is not something I ever want to relive. But I did what I had to do during those seasons of my life, to be able to care of my kids on my own. It scares me to think that some single moms in the future may not have that option. It worries me to think that other people will struggle and never have anyone to help them.

Of course there are people who abuse the system. I get that. And like I said, I don't intend for this to turn into a political platform. But it worries me to think that we may elect a person who isn't concerned for nearly half of the country. It saddens me to think that there may be families who aren't granted these things during tough times in their life. All I can do is speak from personal experience and say that there is nothing in the world more humbling than having to ask for help. But to think that someone views me as one of "those" people because I went through a tough time makes me sick. In fact, I feel like I'm the exact example of someone who used this assistance as it is intended to be used. I needed a little help until I could get back on my feet.

I thought carefully about putting my business out here for ya'll to read, but I guess it matters enough to me to do it. It matters to me that people know that even "regular" people go through some tough times. When we have a presidential candidate openly shunning "those" people, it worries me. It makes me want to stand up and say "wait a second, it could be any one of us." We need to be very careful of everything that we're voting for in a couple months, young and old, this affects us.

You Should Know...

• I am super excited that football has started back up and I no longer get Tigers alerts on my phone. (Note to self: unsubscribe to Lions alerts)
• Loving the cooler temps, but dreading the winter! Still convinced I need to move somewhere with temperatures ALWAYS in the 70s! (Lilly won't move unless we're living close to Taylor Swift. And Anderson won't move unless you can convince him that he can have a birthday no matter WHAT state you're in.)
• We recently "passed" our accreditation audit at work, which means even with the crappy hand we were dealt, our staff rallied together nicely and fixed a lot of "broken" stuff and came out with a clean audit. This is huge!!! Well done work family! 
• We got rid of a toxic entity at work, and although it's unfortunate, it needed to be done and I can't say I'm too awfully upset about it. When someone makes everyone else question their role in a company, there's something wrong. I doubted myself more in the last three months than I have in my whole life...and that's a scary revelation. 
• Slowly making strides to come to some new agreements with Aaron in regards to the kids' visitation. ...to be continued...
• Loving the new iOS 6.0 software update on my phone! Hello fun emoticons!!! (Thank you Ace!)
• Speaking of my phone, a couple of my friends will be pleased to know I finally removed all my icons from their mysteriously placed folders! LOL!
• Been feeling a little more motivated to "do me" again. To say that I lost myself during the first few months of the year would be the understatement of the millennium. I got extremely caught up in things post-JM that I lost sight of the progress and growth I had made over the previous year. 
• Lilly is doing exceptionally well in first grade. She was student of the week during the third week of school, gets "coupons" almost weekly for good behavior, and seems to have matured a lot since last year. Now, this is not to say that we don't still have toddler-like meltdowns around here, but for the most part I can see the maturity progressing. 
• Anderson just got his first haircut since July! All that hair wasn't pretty and only drew attention to his already big head! God love that kid! 
• I haven't had a massage for over a year. I think it's about time. Think I can convince someone to buy me a Columbus Day present? Any takers? 
• I took a PTO day tomorrow just so I could get caught up on things around my house. I haven't mowed the lawn in well over two weeks. I'm sure my neighbors would appreciate it if I did that tomorrow. And I imagine my kids wouldn't hate it if I actually made some real food (NOT that an egg sandwich and hot chocolate isn't an amazing weekday dinner!) for once! And my white kitchen floor (who does that?) could definitely benefit from a deep scrub. So much for a relaxing day, huh?
• I'm slightly addicted to The Voice now (thanks Joseph). And I'll be damned if I don't cry at least once during every single episode. What's THAT all about?  

The Rice Song

Really my only memory of my whole family living together is nights when my dad would be grilling out, mom would be in the kitchen cooking, and Cat Stevens would be blaring on the stereo. Hearing this song on The Voice tonight took me back and literally brought tears to my eyes. It makes me appreciate where I came from, relive flashbacks I've shelved in the back of my mind, and wonder what memories my kids will have of similar situations.

Dashboard= Good for my Soul!

When I was in college, I was introduced to THE MOST incredible band EVER. My boyfriend at the time had a twin brother who was super into this band-- I thought it was all the rage so I HAD to hear it. I was HOOKED from the second I heard them. This is EXACTLY my kind of music. My favorite thing about them is they're NOT all the rage and not THAT many people have actually heard of (or enjoyed) their music. Over the years I grew to love the band more and more but the one that I absolutely fell IN LOVE with was their unplugged album. (I hear myself getting lamer and lamer as I write this, but I don't care!)

The unplugged album also came with the dvd of their performance on MTV. I remember watching that stinkin' dvd until it wouldn't play anymore. Every single night I'd turn it on to fall asleep. Their music got me through so much "stuff" in my life. I remember moving into my new apartment with my roommate Jill. I stayed up late one night, dissecting each song, learning the meaning behind each one (I was an English major, this is what I do). It only made me love their music even more. I remember making posters of their lyrics and hanging them all over my room. I think my mom thought I was suicidal! LOL! But honestly, there is something to be said about music and lyrics like that.