You're scary!

So I've been dating my boyfriend for about four months now. Things are pretty great...better than great, actually! We both work for the same company, and all the coworkers at my campus told us that we should hang out and get to know each other. "Not gonna happen," we had both promised (them, each other, and ourselves). We were like the male/female version of each other; perfectly content in our single, simple lives. Well, one "not-a-date" later we became inseparable. Things have been nearly perfect ever since! We have the most open, honest, and loving communication. JM treats me like gold, he respects me, he adores me, he makes me feel like I'm the most important thing in his world, he does anything to try to keep me happy...and for those of you who know me well, that ain't easy! LOL! Okay, okay, I could go on for hours talking about how great he is, but let me get to the point of this post...

JM has NEVER yelled at me. Never. He's never even slightly raised his voice at me. He is so level-headed and gentle that the thought of him getting upset (at anyone) seems so far-fetched. Well, last night it finally happened (errrr, KINDA). I don't write this to display him as a monster (because that'd be impossible), but rather show how ridiculously nice this man is. Here's what happened:

JM had a long day at work. He has a lot of responsibility with his job and sometimes it gets exhausting, or at least I'd assume it does. Although he never complains about his job and does an amazing job of "leaving it at the office," last night was just one of those nights. I could tell he had a lot on his mind, as he talked about work for awhile before things turned ugly (for us!)! I started in on my normal needy tactics, he wasn't saying the right (enough) things, and I ended up pouting and telling him I needed space. He and I both knew how ridiculous this was, and normally JM would "save us" and swoop me up and tell me how perfect I am and how much he adores me. (Yes, this works for me. Childish? Perhaps!) But tonight was different...my gentle, loving, nurturing boyfriend blurted out:
"You want me to give you space? Well fine! Maybe we both need space. I'm sorry Gretchen, but I'm not going to apologize, I'm sorry. I won't. I'm serious. I'm sorry."
Now, anyone who knows JM knows that this is completely out of character for him. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body. And this argument (or sad, pathetic rant), just further proved how insanely kind my boyfriend really is. In his fit of anger (which lasted a total of 2 minutes), he managed to "not apologize" four times, tell me how pretty I am, tell me how much he adores me, etc. This guy does not have the ability to be mean. He truly is the nicest person in the world!

I know I'm a lucky girl. I know I need to make sure I wake up everyday and try to make HIS day a better day. My normal bratty ways need to vanish. I don't want to push JM to his breaking point (no matter how severe). JM is a true blessing to my life. I feel complete.

She really IS though...

During my morning read on Yahoo, I came across an interesting article. As parents, its our given right to believe that our children are brilliant,(even if they're not!)! You can read the entire article here, but here are points that stuck out to me!

Retains Information: The term "in one ear and out the other" seems to apply to most children. Those who are a cut above when it comes to intelligence actually retain a wide variety of information and are able to recall it at a later time.
Does retaining even not-so-valuable-info count? My precious five-year old is the master at holding onto things and bringing them up (using them against you, even) months later. Lilly can still recall times that her brother got to do something and she didn't. She remembers times when I wouldn't get her her "gladiola" sandals for her birthday that she was just dyyyyying to have. Who knew that all these memories were a sign of her retaining information and being on her way to baby genius status?

Wide Spectrum of Interests: Gifted kiddos display an interest in a wide variety of topics. They may like dinosaurs one month, space the next month, and so fourth.
While my darling daughter isn't a fan of aerodynamics or extinct animals, my doll baby does display an interest in a wide array of things...mostly fashion accessories. While one day she is obsessed with her thousands of multi-colored bracelets, the next day she is onto new flip flops, endless bathing suit options, and occasionally switches up her favorite Taylor Swift song for the week! Does this count?

Writes and Reads Early: If your tot is a smarty pants, she may be able to read and write very early on and without having had any real formal teaching.
On a more serious note, I do have to say that I am very impressed with Lilly's writing skills. After her 5th birthday party, she sat down at the table and had to write everyone a thank you card. Of course I had to help her with the spelling, but she wrote each and every note on her own. She loves to write-- maybe she'll be an author (ya know, if that fashion career falls through!)!

Is Musically or Artistically Talented: Children who display an unusual talent for music and/or art are often considered gifted. Tots who can draw things to perspective, have perfect pitch, or display any other higher perception of forms of art usually fall into the gifted category.
Lilly is a great little artist! I've never seen a five year old make such masterpieces with sidewalk chalk! She's seriously a great little artist..and I secretly love how skinny she makes me look in every portrait!!!

Has an Advanced Vocabulary: A tot who's early to speak is not a sign of giftedness alone, but if your lil talker is using advanced vocabulary and sentences, then he or she may be as bright as you think. According to the NAGC, "Children at age two make sentences like: 'There's a doggie.' A two-year-old who is gifted might say, 'There's a brown doggie in the backyard and he's sniffing our flower.' "
If either of my children used the word "doggie" after the age of one, I'd flick them! I've never been one to baby-talk with my kids, even when they were babies. I have always talked to them like people, maybe to a fault. Lilly has started (correctly) using the word "literally"....The other day she said "Are you seriously going to wear that? I can literally see your brawl right thought that shirt." Wow.


Okay okay, maybe my tot isn't a genius, but she is a smart little girl! She is hilarious (and knows it), and I just love her to pieces!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's just one of those things...

As I prepare for my little princess to start kindergarten in two short months, I am realizing how much more complicated things will be! We were trying to book our fall vacation, but for the first time, had to be aware of a school schedule! It seemed so weird to me! My little lady is too young to possibly be starting school, not to mention we are so comfortable in our routine, this is really going to throw us all for a loop (hopefully just temporarily!)! I'm nervous to go through this alone, but I know I'll work it out, as I always do!!!

Another thing I've had to consider is the visitation that I'll have to set up with Aaron. As things are now, the kids are able to go to their dad's house a few times a year. With Lilly starting school, that's going to be a little more difficult! They will visit for ten days in July and then probably won't be able to go back until Christmas break, if even then. It stinks, for everyone. I'm doing my best to "share" the kids as much as possible, but it's so hard with the distance, as it is. I just know this new school schedule is going to complicate things even more. I'm hopeful that things will fall into place nicely, without much conflict from Aaron. We'll see!

I know tons of families deal with distance like this all the time. I'm sure we'll get it all worked out. It's just going to take a lot of compromise between Aaron and I. ...and we all know how well THAT works! Oh well...I guess it's just one of things things we're going to have to conquer for the sake of our babies!

Crybaby

I cry. A lot.

But, I've noticed lately that I rarely ever cry anymore. I don't know if I just feel happier overall, or if I've learned to control my emotions better. I don't know?

I overheard a very "interesting" conversation Sunday afternoon. I was the recipient of a pocket dial. I heard some really gross things. Things that made my hands shake. Things that made me sick to my stomach. And things that helped validate that everything I had been concerned about, where in fact true. I hung up the phone and quickly called my mom. Although I already knew what my mom would say, I still needed to hear her laugh with me about what I heard, remind me how much better my life is now, and assure me that me and the kids were going to continue to be okay. Yes, I shed a few tears, but at the end of the conversation, that was it. This was something that, in the past, would have stuck with me for days (maybe even weeks!). It would have weighed heavy on my heart, my mind would have been a mess, and I would have cried endless tears over this.

Maybe I'm growing up? Perhaps it's me moving on? Or it could be that I just stopped giving a hoot about the worthless people in my life!!! Regardless, I am proud of myself for not constantly thinking about this incident and letting it ruin my happy day!


Happy first day of summer!!!!

hi....it's me.

I feel as though a random update on the life of Gretchen is necessary. Enjoy.

I had a great weekend! One of those, over-the-top, PERFECT, ridiculously WONDERFUL weekends! Friday, mom and Grandpa came up to FTW for a quick Father's day dinner. It was nice to spend time with Grandpa, as I always love hearing his stories (most of which I've heard a billion times!).
Saturday Jeff and I left for Indy, without eating breakfast...big mistake! Apparently grown men need to eat before doing anything. A couple hours later, we made it to the hospital to see Shannon and Kinslee. Oh my goodness, what a PERFECT baby! She is beautiful! Shannon looks like a natural already! It warmed my heart to see this gorgeous, little family! It made me (temporarily) miss having tiny little babies, but that ship has sailed for me, THANK GOD!

I've been really missing my cousin lately. Megan and I were so close, growing up. We were like sisters, even going so far as telling people we were twins! We were inseparable until we got into high school. She got a new boyfriend, whom she later married (and divorced). He absolutely HATED me, for whatever reason. It wasn't until she divorced him that she and I became close again. I think when you go through something so traumatic like the end of a marriage/relationship, you just need something familiar. Megan and I have been able to hang out a few times a month. We ran our first 5K together, we share bottles of wine while reliving silly childhood memories,and even get to have "boy talk" when our kids are gone!!! It's just fun to be "kids" again and be silly with someone who means so much to me.

This weekend, my parents (and Shannon and Megan!) met Jeff! This was very important to me because things with Jeff have progressed so quickly, yet naturally. With him living out of town, we have to make the most of the time that we can spend together. I feel insanely lucky to have such a great guy in my life. He respects me, he adores me, he's kind, he's patient, and he accepts my life as it is. I am very happy in my relationship, and I'm glad that I got to share him with my family and friends this weekend. I look forward to meeting his family next month!!!

Tomorrow is the first day of summer! It's been a great six months so far! I'm excited for the next season!

Hero

Today was my kids' father's day lunch at school. As I wrote about a couple days ago, Aaron was obviously not able to attend, and the kids(especially Lilly)were devastated. I didn't make much of it to my family, as this is just one of those "things" that is to be expected from a split family, but I got a text yesterday from Gary telling me to ask the kids if they would want him to come down for their cookout. Instantly my eyes filled up with tears and I could barely contain my excitement. This was going to mean SO much to my kids.
This morning, I met Gary at the kids' school before I headed to work. I walked him to the kids' classrooms so he would know where to go. The second Lilly saw Uncle Gary her eyes got HUGE and she ran to him and jumped up on him! Her little cheeks were bright red! She was SO happy!!! We went to Anderson's classroom next and he walked to us, super excited as well!

I just got a text from Gary, saying they had a good time and that Lilly wanted to leave with him right now! I know Gary will never fully understand the extent of my gratitude for his kind act. I know that there will be many other "daddy events" that the kids will just have to do-without, but for today, their little hearts can be happy knowing Uncle Gary is here for them.

Of course you do....

So, as I've blogged about many other times, this year was a chance at new beginnings for me. I promised myself that 2011 would be just as great, if not better, than 2010. I allowed myself to fall in lust at the beginning of the year, with a great guy. I had a lot of fun with him, I enjoyed his company, he was nice, he was familiar (he's from my hometown), and most importantly, he got my mind off Aaron. Looking back, he and I could not be more different from each other, but for some reason, I really saw potential in "us"...it was ridiculous, I know that now, but at the time I was excited to be with someone who I really liked spending time with.

Well, as fate would have it, things fell apart (after less than two months!), but I learned something very important from him. I was finally at a point in my life where I was OPEN to being with someone. Although my feelings got hurt, I at least acknowledged that I was able to have feelings for someone other than Aaron. This was progress for me!

Yes, I spent a couple nights crying over this silly boy. I drank a few extra bottles of wine to numb myself of the humility of being dumped! And less than a week later, I was over it and had pushed him out of my mind!

Recently, he's been texting me and asking me to let him take me out. He has seen my facebook posts about my new relationship that I've been in for a few months now, but he still doesn't seem to get the message that I'm NOT giving in to his sweet words. I, like many other girls, don't take too kindly to being dumped! It's not something I'm overly familiar with (not to toot my own horn), but I'm usually the one who tires of the monotony of relationships and gets out. But this one was different, or so I thought, so when HE ended it, I was a bit annoyed with him. He just wasn't very nice after he ended things. My feelings were hurt and my ego was bruised. It's good to be at a place now that I can turn down his requests to hang out and ignore his texts inviting himself over.

Reflective

I'm emotional today, for no particular reason. I'm not sad. I'm not mad. I'm just emotional. Reflective, perhaps.

I dealt with Lilly's first major heartache yesterday, caused by a boy. Her dad. Thursday, the kids' school is hosting a father's day cookout. Knowing that even if Aaron WANTED to come, the distance (and lack of notice) would make that impossible. During their (not-so-regular-anymore) phone conversation last night, Lilly begged Aaron to come. He explained to her that he had to work and that he wishes he could be there. I told Lilly that I would try to leave work to go, but Lilly shot me a disgusted look and said "but you're a girl, everyone else will have a boy there." She made a valid point, but I assured her that not everyone's daddy would be at the cookout. When she hung up with Aaron, she cried into my chest for a couple minutes, as I fought back my own tears. I always knew there would be days like this-- times when Aaron wasn't going to be here when the kids "needed" him to be. I don't doubt that Aaron wishes he could be here for these types of events, but I don't think that desire for him is greater than his love of living in MN. I don't get it, but then again, it's not for me to understand.

My kids are fine. They're happy babies. They're loved, by many people. They can't control the situation between their parents. They can't make us fall in love again, and they can't change the past. These are two innocent beings who happened to be the beautiful product of a very toxic relationship. I like to think that I do a good job at maintaining normalcy and routine for my kids, now. I know that not everyone will agree with the way I do things, but that's alright. I am doing exactly what I believe is best for me and the kids.

Stay mad at me...

Things have been rough at the Hahn-Scudder abode lately. Lilly has been pinching her brother, and I do believe I witnessed her KICKING him yesterday...like the good ole' shin-kick type. It was terrible. Anderson, being the world's most dramatic kid, has been crying more than usual and has started a constant "sniff" (not from crying so much, but rather allergy-induced I think). Regardless, it's all annoying.
The warmer temperatures have allowed for a lot of outside playtime, which helps the kids wind down after their busy day at school, but it seems to feed even more rotten-behavior, and the bright evenign skies delay our 7pm bedtime (do not comment on my kids' bedtime!)!
Yesterday, after a two-hour punishment (which included frantically cleaning each other's rooms, helping me clean out the toy box, and helping to mop the kitchen floor), I finally agreed to let the kids play outside. My dad was on his way to town to mow my lawn, so I figured some outside labor couldn't hurt! The kids playfully picked weeds, picked up rocks and sticks from the lawn, and helped clean out the pool.

Finally I allowed them to play! Lilly of course went right for the sidewalk chalk (my little artist) and Anderson quickly grabbed his tennis "rocket" to practice the drills he learned at his tennis lesson the day before.

Here are some pictures of my precious kids doing what they do best-- reminding me that they're jsut too darn cute to stay mad at them...!!!

Moody Monday

So today begins my five-day stretch of no-spending. Although it's been a seemingly easy feat for me thus far (ya know, fifteen hours into the day!), there have been moments of boredom in which I wish I could get out of the office and just go shopping! I know this is going to be an eye-opening experience for me and my budget, but I'm hoping that my willpower holds up for all five days.

My dearest friend Shannon has been experiencing contraction-like symptoms for most of the afternoon! I'm PRAYING for baby Kinslee to make her grand appearance soon!

Since my surgery, I've lost my desire and motivation to work out. Although I haven't been totally cleared to resume normal activity levels, I am quite sure I could be doing SOMETHING physical. Ugh. What is WRONG with me!!!

This morning, as I was attempting to attach two pictures in a text to my darling friend, my phone froze up and basically crashed. I lost all text messages that I've had since owning my phone. To most, this wouldn't be a huge deal, but I had some very "useful" texts on my phone and now they've all been sucked out by some mysterious iPhone-issue bandit. Damn it.

As the workday comes to a close, I look forward to my typical Monday evening routine. Dinner, kids' baths, bedtime, and The Bachelorette. Since I'm on a financial fast, I'll have to skip the normal Monday wine and instead drink my boyfriend's Red Stripe! (Thanks babe!)

Happy Monday, all. Here's to a more chipper Tuesday.

Let's Try It!

So, during my normal morning perusing through Yahoo, I came across an article (read it here) about spending (or quite the opposite actually). This person went ten days straight without spending money. I thought to myself, "Self, how hard could this possibly be?" I pay every single bill on the first of the month, as I only get paid once a month. With the exception of daycare, which is SUPPOSED to be Aaron's only parental responsibility each week, my bills are paid and I know each month what "leftover" money I'll have. I get gas once a week, groceries every two weeks, and of course waste tons of money on dining out, daily snacking, and random shopping. I figure it shouldn't be too hard to cut out the unnecessary spending, pay for the gas and groceries ahead of time, and really stick to a five-day-spending-drought. (Let's start small-- 5 days vs 10!...baby steps!)
Anyhow, my co-worker and I are vowing to go through this together! We're starting next Monday and will take it through Friday. Fingers crossed for us, please! I'll definitely need it!!!